After yesterday's post
I also did a closure post to that chapter in the other blog I created
Baby steps I am taking
But I guess I will soon be taking it well
Perhaps just couldn't stride away by what went wrong though
This year I am going to set some resolution for 2020 which I didn't do it for 2019.
Not trying to fix myself to a certain achievement
But most important is live on the value of being me and happy.

Year 2020 Resolution
1. To smile more than I cry, or best is no cry la.
        *But I got weak points for sad stories.
2. Exercise more, keep fit and stay healthy.
        *Ups it to twice a week, minimum 1 hour per workout
3. Open up more to people
         *Less of coldness
4. More Love.
         *Spend more time with family~
5. Another Solo trip
         *Maybe a backpack trip to Korea/Japan or Taiwan again?
6. More volunteer work
         *More active with Team Nila and newly join CDAC
7. Get hitched, with the right one!
         *Well, my friends say I have to add this one. Not sure if tinder does work out right.
         *Eyes really gonna open bigger and not be so easily hooked by sweet talks
8. Blog more often!
          *Noting down whatever emotions I have there and then.
          *Looking back at those posts make me realized how much I had grown

That's about all to set ahead for a better year I guess
Seems easy but keeping to it is tough
Have a blessed new year peeps~

去年的今天,
我哭惨了...
而今天,
我决定
该释怀了...
说也许容易
但做到真的很难
每次告诉过自己
不要那么执着
却是不听
希望我能慢慢的
不再追踪他的近况
当然希望他找到
他要的幸福
最后我会祝福他的
因为我是爱他的...
抹去所有掉过的眼泪
只想留下美好的回忆
那就是我们曾经开心在一起过
谢谢你出现在我生命里

Down with Fever and Sore Throat since Friday
Still not yet recovered.
Drown with work and backup-ing colleague
Despite working out intensively once a week
Immune system doesnt get any better
Keep having eye twitching on the left
Hope it is something good though recently not much of a good news to hear
Christmas is round the corner
Or rather it is Tomorrow!
As usual our family will be having lunch feast!
Hopefully I get well soon and get to feast all the food and drink!
Till then peeps
Have a blessed X'mas all~

Recently, kept having tight chest and I thought it might be my time is up.
Especially after Godfrey Gao's incident.
Will take more care and slowing things down.

Went to visit grandma at NTF and gym at westgate today.
As usual I walked the same route there alone.
Tough as usual.
I controlled my tears.

Passed by the place we sat for hours and me crying so hard there.
Couldn't help and tear up.
Taking the same route back.
Memories seem so hard to let go
The place when you asked me to be your girlfriend while I was struggling to give an answer.
The place we first kissed.
The place we broke down, I hugged you yet you pushed me away.

On the way back, I wished that you are doing even better now.
In the mind, the words I want to say to you.
I know you deserve someone better.
I hope you think for yourself more.
I hope you found someone better.
I hope happiness stays with you.

It is not my first time being abandoned anyway.
Just this time it really hit hard on me.
Thought I should be getting used to being abandoned.
Still it hurts.
Cos it's something not easy to let go.

Route to happiness seems impossible for me.
Just being unwanted or rather like a post it note, used and throw.
Seems like my destiny.

For now, I shall just try to be
What I am used to be.

Till then peeps.
Pre-Monday Emo-ness... 

站在我们第一次怄气彼此，我第一次在你面前哭的同个位置。
只是现在是我一个人在那里偷偷掉眼泪。
想你。

Had been long since I last post
And had been falling sick weeks before
Work have been hectic too
This week comes very hard with all the issues coming together
Past few days dreamt of the Global SME whom I work with on my previous role
And today mentor came telling me that they are recruiting SME back.
In a dilemma on whether should I stay as a supply planner which really aren't my forte yet stable job with high stress or SME which not my forte too and also risk of retrenchment but gets to travel and have much more exposure though deployment should complete by 2024.
Tough decision to make.
Well, too stress up with operational stuffs with less knowledge and blindly bumping into issues.
Just hope the week gets better
Looking forward to JB staycation with the family this weekend!
Till then peeps

Monday.
Another new week.
Had a fulfilling weekends I suppose.
Organise a hen's party for Stacy
Was a fun day though I had a hard time to cook up reasons to meet up at Town
Went to have a nice brunch at Nassim Hill Bakery which is totally awesome.
After which we had for a 3 hours art jamming
My first time art jamming!
Totally focus working on it.
Thanks to PY for suggesting this activity!
Was an awesome experience!
Didn't want it to be too lonely, thus I didn't draw anyone in.
When the times come, I will add on to my this piece of work, I hope.

We then proceed with really working on the childhood montage video.
Did some small amendments and just left with some final touch!
Can't wait for their big day!

Will update later on my Sunday which was an awesome one with little sister too!
Till then peeps~

We are all ready to start!

In Progress...

The Last Touch - Signing off

Show Casing of Our Master Art

Had a pretty bad Monday
Got humiliated by an online "friend" which I never met
Cut the story short
Not the first time
He classify me as the other girls he knows
Putting airs or so and after his money
Once he ever said lucky he didnt spend a single cent on me
And said no wonder I gonna ditch
I blocked him and he msg me he was joking
Not to make things ugly
I unblocked and yesterday was the ultimate one
He msg me again if I am free to meet
I didn't reply and he added me to a group chat with his friends
I immediately left and block the chat
His last message was that he will block me and added again
No wonder I got ditch
I felt humiliated totally

Had loads of work issues and yet this humiliation make me broke down even more
Had enough of things
I tried to make it simple
I would work and go home, play with niece every weekdays
Weekends sleep in more, binge watch dramas and occasional volunteer work and meet up with the girls.
And recently working on gf's wedding childhood montage
Well, at least for now I gotten over the episode of humiliation a little I guess


Cyber bullying aint a joke
Be kinder in words and action, it could be traumatic to some.
Never underestimate the weakness in one's heart and mind.

Shall continue another hectic day
Till then peeps

14.10.19: Could have been our 1st year

Did a video throughout the night
A little confession of mine to him

Posted it in the blog I created for us
https://newchapterbegins141018.wordpress.com/2019/10/13/could-have-been-our-1st-anniversary

Dearest, I Love You.

No one is Perfect, but I know you are my Perfect one.

想你的夜
你知道吗
没有你的日子我有多想你
分手那天
我看着你走远
所有承诺化成了句点
独自守在空荡的房间
爱与痛在我心里纠缠
我们的爱走到了今天
是不是我太自私了一点
如果爱可以重来
我会为你放弃一切
想你的夜
多希望你能在我身边
不知道你心里还能否为我改变
想你的夜
求你让我再爱你一遍
让爱再回到原点
分手那天
我看着你走远
所有承诺化成了句点
独自守在空荡的房间
爱与痛在我心里纠缠
我们的爱走到了今天
是不是我太自私了一点
如果爱可以重来
我会为你放弃一切
想你的夜
多希望你能在我身边
不知道你心里还能否为我改变
想你的夜
求你让我再爱你一遍
让爱再回到原点
想你的夜
多希望你能在我身边
不知道你心里还能否为我改变
想你的夜
求你让我再爱你一遍
让爱再回到原点
回来吧 我等你

Had been awhile since I last update.
Been busy with work.

Last Saturday went to a Product Launch Tea Party with Yun
Worst party ever though food is great
Maybe was expecting something more professional

We then head to meet Xin and family at Funan
First time hearing the F1 vroom which is pretty loud
Though I compared it with the sound from the TV, volume adjusted.
Almost couldn't find my way back due to diversion of bus which there is no announcement on which stops were diverted.
But luckily it did came finally.

Sunday was another early day
Went volunteering with mum at the zoo.
My first with CDAC.
Half the headcount didn't turn up
So I am alone assisting the families with directions.
A full day at zoo.
Smiled the whole day.
Quite fulfilling day to be part of the family day organised for the low income families
Hope everyone did have a good family bonding day

Family, is the bond bring by fate.
Treasure them while you can.

TGIF peeps~
Till then.

说好不哭

歌曲原唱: 周杰伦

填词: 方文山

没有了联络后来的生活

我都是听别人说

说你怎么了说你怎么过

放不下的人是我

人多的时候就待在角落

就怕别人问起我

你们怎么了你低着头

护着我连抱怨都没有

电话开始躲从不对我说

不习惯一个人生活

离开我以后要我好好过

怕打扰想自由的我

都这个时候你还在意着

别人是怎么怎么看我的

拼命解释着不是我的错是你要走

眼看着你难过挽留的话却没有说

你会微笑放手说好不哭让我走

电话开始躲从不对我说

不习惯一个人生活

离开我以后要我好好过

怕打扰想自由的我

都这个时候你还在意着

别人是怎么怎么看我的

拼命解释着不是我的错是你要走

眼看着你难过挽留的话却没有说

你会微笑放手说好不哭让我走

你什么都没有却还为我的梦加油

心疼过了多久还在找理由等我

那种撕心的痛,
现在都还记得。
无声的呐喊着，
连呼吸都会痛.

虽然暂时的把它隔着,
但触动时还是会很痛。

哭, 在说难免。

Monday blues.

Weekend was not too bad.
Saturday went with mum for volunteer briefing on our roles for next Sunday volunteer event.
Mum had been wanting to try HaiDiLao
Just nice Paya Lebar Quarter had recently open one outlet there which is near our briefing venue.
So we head there for lunch after our briefing
After which accompany mum together with uncle and grandpa to visit grandpa's brother
It is kinda heartache to see their living condition and how weak he had gotten
Though I only see him once a year during Chinese New Year
Still he is an elder I respect
Hope his health gets better
Though the husband and wife are bickering
Still will care for each other
The many years together
There maybe good and bad times
But it is the getting through together that makes it better

Relationship ain't always perfect sailing
There are humps and bumps
No matter what
Just don't let go of each other
Even though you may feel burdening the other
It is through hardship you realize those who always stand by you are the ones who are true to you

So much on what I thought through the weekends

Didn't really sleep well last night
Had a nightmare about some sort of black magic or exorcism
Breaking into cold sweats
Was a pretty dark nightmare
Hope it is not any bad omen
Somehow I really dislike how accurate my instincts are

Hopefully a better week ahead!
Long post to sum up the weekends
Till then peeps~

人生无常.
记得, 珍惜眼前的一切.

Life is too fragile to live with regrets.

看不透的世界
一点点的去体会
摸不透的心底
一点点的去摸索

时间会让人慢慢成长。
经历会让从前的视角有着不一样的邻域。

Went to a wedding dinner yesterday
On behalf of dad
Cos I am less sick than him
So I had a chance to use some of my makeup
Had been long since I last did my makeup
Well not like I really smeared all my makeup on my face
Just the foundation and manage to add a little blusher with a lip balm that has a color base on the temperature of my lips
Guess it was not too bad
Still don't dare to try doing the eyeliner
Attending wedding is always such a bliss
Looking at how the couple met, proposed and getting into the next stage in life.
Touchful moments
As I also reminisce a little of us
Those sweet days all the while
Not touching on how it ended
Hurtful is how much I thought we can get through whatever that may obstruct
But yet letting go was the choice he made
I might be waiting
But he might never intended to
Often I still ask myself what did I do wrong
All I could ask for perhaps is that he is better now than then
Sometimes I would feel worried that something bad happened to him
The uneasiness of not knowing how is he
A little more sentimental me
Thats what a blog is for I guess

Today did a sample video for my gf wedding
Use the photos that I used to do him the video
Not too bad I guess
Hopefully I can do well for their childhood montage
Weep a little while doing
But anyway nose is still blocked no matter
Weekends pass so fast
Hope a better week ahead.
Till then peeps. 

TGIF!
Maybe not?
Off to work today and almost kena accident
If I walked abit faster, guess I will be buang by the speeding car
And another by a speeding bike at the other junction

Escapes from death today?
Hopefully something better leading on to TGIF!
Till then peeps~

人的一生
最不能辜负
的是时间

在时间点上
遇到对的人
就去争取

不要以为
来日方长
却忘了
世事无常

我一个人的世界。
尽量的，
对外微笑。
努力的，
活出精彩。
盼着的，
有你相伴。

#Perth
#LancelinSandDunes

Monday.
Decided to take MC.
Coughing all night long
And bad nose block.
Gonna take all these medicines and concus
On the way back saw my little niece going to supermarket with the playgroup.
Shock a little to see me
But guess she looks too tired.
Gonna poof to bed.
Hope to get well soon.
And I seriously dislike eating medicine!
Took me since Friday to finally decide to see the doctor.
Till then peeps.
Hope your day is better than mine!

Sunday.
Endless coughing last night
With nose blocked
Falling sick on a weekends are so dampening.
Wanted to go for the SG Night Festival
But too contagious to be in a crowd
Now what adds on is the cramps
Body too heaty yet now I can't take cooling stuffs
Dilemma.
Seems the case in life too.
Dreamt about how we met last night
And how the first impression I had of him
More like a reminisce rather than a dream
Having the dilemma of not rather impressed yet still like the way he is.
No boundaries when you just love someone

Gonna go rest more and hope I get better before work starts tomorrow
Stay healthy and drink more water peeps
Weather is pretty bad
Till then! 

等着对的时间点...

對的時間點 - JJ Lin

谁说白天不懂夜的美?
当白天和黑夜有了交际, 那才是真正的美...

Thursday.
Few more days till end of the month!
Next month onward gonna stand alone
Not sure how am I going to cope with it
Had been working late ever since I came back from Perth trip
But well, another organization restructuring soon
Just hope today I wouldn't need to stay too late
Stressful with work
Eating a lot especially chocolate
Gaining weight slightly
But gonna exercise more!
Stacy wedding coming soon
And definitely do not want to look fat on the bridesmaid dress
Can't fit into a S size and have to get M and do some altering
Shall alter maybe 3 weeks before the D-Day
Just in case I get too fat (well I definitely not hoping that) or too slim (seems impossible though *Smirk*)
Gonna get busy with work
1 more day to friday!
Aja aja fighting!!
Till then peeps~

等你回来
我都会在

 

Monday.
Blues as usual.
Weekends didn't catch up much with sleep.
But did spend my time well I guess?
Went JB with mum to the new mall on Sat
Was caught in a little jam

Custom clearance took maybe 1 hour
Though the queue was till the end
Left home at 8 and managed to pass custom by 11
Guess not too bad
Went to Mid Valley Mall
Made a new specs
Similar to my old ones
Meals was abit off timing
Completed the mall though not all shops were open
Caught 845pm bus back to city square
Did some essential shopping there before it closed
Went to the back alley for our late dinner
All my favorite stalls closed
Do with a Thai ZiChar meal
And that was 1030pm
Rushed to clear the custom which had quite a bit of queue
And managed to catch the last few bus to SG
Got home around 1230
That sums up our first time ever full day trip

Sunday was pretty lazy
Did grocery shopping for our salad today
Went to sis house and played with niece
Ponder over things
The kind of life I'm going through
Career focus? Maybe not.
Family oriented? I guess so.
Relationship? Empty and lost
Friends? All had their own families

What will my life be?
Lone?
Well, keeping it aside.
The basic is I need the job to feed myself.
Hopefully won't kena another round of retrenchment
Economy is pretty bad.
A pretty long update today
Guess my weekend was quite abit
Aja aja fighting!
Till then peeps~

TGIF!
Didn't sleep well again.
Had a busy morning settling all the issues.
One good news and for the first time my niece didnt cry going to school
Though she cried in the morning wanting her mum to carry
Nevertheless, her poker face still
She like nothing happen, let teacher check her mouth and temperature
Kiss mum goodbye, took her bag to the room.
Stunned both her mum and teacher
After so many months of schooling
Shall get her a cake of her choice to reward her!

Having OT for the week
Decided to have some ME time over lunch.
Ownself walk to NYP
Had the biggest bowl of Ban Mee ever
Big bowl and filled it to the brim
And only cost $2.60!
Canteen in Poly is feeding their students well nowadays I guess
Well, I didnt finish it obviously since it is more like a portion for 2 to me
Ate half a bowl sweating
Weather getting pretty hot
And the walk to and fro NYP also make me sweat
Hopefully not too much of a food coma later!
Gonna prep for my training from another shifu!
Have a good weekends peeps!
Aja aja fwighting!
Till then~

Thursday.
One more day to Friday!
Not sure why but the dream keeps coming
Just wish he is doing better
Somehow not sure why I had a bad feeling about him
Please stay healthy and happy
I know I still miss you

My work? Had been very hectic.
Stayed up late at office everyday
So much issues and yet helpless
With mentor so busy for me to consult
Me not knowing how to handle things

As usual gonna...
Aja aja fwighting!
Till then lo~

Monday.
Blue as usual.
Have been having dreams that we got back
Every time I woke up from it
It feels so empty
I really do miss him
Hope everything still doing fine for him
Have been OT'ing for many days
Aja Aja Fwighting!
Till then

Tuesday.
1st day back to work from my long holiday.
Falling sick and rested the past 2 days.
Perth more of nice scenery
Ocean views
Vineyards
Farmstay
Fish & Chips
Sleep wasn't good there
Road trip music so emo
And make me think more.
Well, personally preferred our NZ trip
But it is still fun with the little niece
Though her crankiness for her popo to carry
I did carry her quite a bit
Play rides with her and all
Coming back to a total difference in weather
Thus the sore throat, flu and slight fever
Alright, back to fighting and dieting
Gain almost 2kg back with all the fries and meat,
Till then peeps~

Friday.
Woke up feeling lost.
Cos I dreamt of dearest.
Something the mind, heart and soul can't control I guess.
Well, hitting gym later with godbro!
Had been eating too much for dinner with all the stress from work.
Need more exercise!
TGIF!
Counting down to Perth trip!
4 more working days!
Till then peeps~

Tuesday. Still struggling with picking up the ropes for the new role.
Saturday went for some volunteer briefing and did much exercise.
Flash mob and being captured in the volunteer group video with my wrong moves!
Gosh! That is so caught in action!
Sunday had a hair trim and ended up cutting it slightly shorter.
Well, perhaps good for a hot weather nowadays.
So work, home, playing with niece the same old routine every week day.
Haven't been playing those trending on Tiktok.
Shall start back soon!
Been dreaming of Elephant and I really hope it is something good!
Shed me some positive vibes!
Hopefully in my next update!
Till then!

Thursday! One more day to Friday!
Not like I got plans for TGIF
But well, counting down to Perth Trip I guess.
Yesterday was seriously nervous and stressed about the presentation
Had to host the meeting because my boss is on leave
But glad that it went well
Cos big big boss gonna rush for another last minute meeting
Not much questions asked so I guess all is good

Life gets more busy while learning all the new stuffs
Back to the operations not sure if it is a good thing or bad
Shall just see how it goes
Days pass by like just another day
Work home eat and sleep
Kinda boring
But well, I'm just introvert.

2 more weeks to Perth Trip!
Something to look forward!
Till then lo~

My presentation on project was re-scheduled
The first 3 presenters took 30mins each instead of 5mins as plan
Big bosses asked a lot of questions
Guess I gonna prepare more stuffs for the presentation
Gonna stress for another week till I presented

Learning from another mentor
More detailed kind of training
Asked me alot of questions to test whether I fully understand
But expect me to learn while showing once
Hopefully I can manage it

Had been having migraine and giddy spells
Craving for cheesecakes
Need desserts to reverse stressed

Gaining back weight due to all the stress
Few more weeks to our Perth Family Trip
Something to motivate and look forward

Aja aja fighting!
Till then~

Monday blues
Gonna present on my project closure later
Having butterflies in stomach
I kinda expect many questions
But I not sure how to handle those
Hope I can do well in this presentation
Though its just a 5 mins slot
First time presenting to big shots
Wish me luck later!
Aja Aja fighting!
Till then~

Struggling with new role and closing up my project which did not meet the target

Learning on a new role was abit stressful
Mentor assume I know everything as I previously did the same role in the plant for a few months
And that was like more than a year ago
Was trying to jot down notes but she didn't allow me to do so
Expect me to know it hearing it once
Seems tough to learn the ropes in such environment
But I'm not going to let this obstruct me from learning
Asked another colleague whom had experienced in that role on all my questions
Quickly tidy up my notes in the correct sequence
Since she taught me in a messy sequence
Gonna piece up everything more logical

Closing a project not yet completed
A dilemma on doing out the presentation
Can't justify the reason for closure
But have to close just because I am moving on to the next role
Not much improvement shown
Yet so much effort had been put to push
Hopefully I can get over with Monday's presentation to the bosses

Gonna rest well for this week
Need to finalize our accommodations for family trip to Perth
Had been pretty stressed up this week
Aja Aja fighting!
Till then

Happy Birthday!🦌 +est
Hope everything is still good for you
And may all your wishes come true
Have a blastful one.
 

Took a day leave and went with family to JB for a short staycation.
Ate alot throughout the trip
And bonding with the little niece
Went in on a Saturday with 3 hours jam
Lucky coming back today was just an hour jam via bus
Food filled trip
And I definitely should have gain weight despite losing weight for the past few weeks
Ponder on things
But still not sure about what I really want
Not racking head too much on the future I can't predict
Shall just play by ear with what is coming
Back to work tomorrow
Having post holiday blues
Hope for a better tomorrow
Aja aja fighting!
Till then! 

I miss him. 🦌+est
The feeling I can't deny nor hide.
Tears still do flow
Mind still thinking of him
Heart it still hurts

Retrenchment new release going strong this week
Heavy hearted
Not sure if I will kena retrenchment
Too much negative aura here
Hopefully will get through this tough week
Took leave on Monday to go for staycation at JB with family
Need to relax abit
Struggling real hard learning
Because mentor seems to teach very fast and expect me to understand
Aja Aja fighting!
TGIF peeps!
Till then!

Recently feel a bit lost
Not sure what I want
Seems a bit aimlessly
Feel the difference in my thoughts
Just hope all will be good
Not sure what went wrong with tummy
Have been losing weight
Though I had been eating the same

Monday blues
Gonna give training later for ex-boss's project
Hopefully all will be good
Meetings filled Monday
Aja aja fighting!

Haven been really updating the blog
In the new role but still doing projects
Have been losing weight not sure why
Days are all about work and back home
Did more volunteer work
Trying to enrich myself to be better
Yesterday almost got into an accident when a truck suddenly reverse back
Lucky I was alert enough to react otherwise I would definitely be hit
Having second thoughts about getting a driving license
Perhaps maybe later when I settle down with my new role
As of now
Just live for myself
Challenge myself with things I don't really dare to do
Perhaps, a bit more braver me.

Aja Aja fwighting!

1st working day officially back into Supply Chain.
I am not sure if it does mean more no day no night kind of lifestyle like before.
Will just play by ear since its definitely better than being jobless.

Spent my 33rd Birthday with work and usual dinner back home.
Just like any other day.
I guess simplicity is the best as long as the people whom I love and love me is with me.
Had so much of a feasting week but lucky is that I didn't gain weight
I think I didn't make a wish to eat without gaining weight though.

Last Friday was quite a sad day
My grandma's cousin passed away
Though she is not someone I will visit every CNY
She is someone that look like a total replicate of my grandma.
Many times looking at the photos my cousins took with her
Somehow reminded me of grandma.
Went to her wake with mum on Sat to pay respect to her at Upper Serangoon
The last of grandma's clan.
RIP 表姨婆.

May those whose hearts are broken, be mended and consoled.

Haven't been updating the blog.
I did survive and battle hard from the virus.
Have been reflecting on myself.

Spend more time with family
Just wanna find back the smile I used to have

Not say I had already fully come out from it
But will just keep the beautiful moments in the heart
And the rest hidden at a corner
Definitely want to be a much better person
Independent, confident, even more positive vibes
Come to think of it
I didn't set any new year resolution cos of some down moments
Perhaps there is one that I would want to achieve
Getting a driving license!
That is one big step I am going to take despite all my fears for years!
Aja Aja fighting!

Had blood test yesterday
Which clinic says will be able to know the result on the same day
And yet they don't open for night session yesterday
And I just receive a call to urgently go down the clinic by 2pm
When she called at 1pm
What worst is the grab I booked broke down at the highway
And the 2nd grab missed me on the highway and have to do a big U turn
By the time I got the grab its 145pm
Called up clinic and they say doc have to leave at 2pm for a meeting
So I have to go for the review tomorrow morning
Now I have to worried what's wrong with my report for a night
Hopefully nothing from the report.
What a suay day I had.
Will update again if its a matter of life or death
Just kidding...
Gonna stay positive right?
Till then.

Caught the Avengers End Game last Sunday
And it is definitely worth the almost bladder burst for this 3 hour movie
Iron man totally won my tears
Shall not be a spoiler for those who didn't catch it yet
Today woke up feeling more of the aches and fever
Suspect Dengue and head to polyclinic
But doc ask me to monitor for a few days before taking the blood test
Oh well
So I worked from home while feeling the ache bedridden
Hopefully it is not dengue
*Cross fingers*
Till then
I still feel the fatigue from the India Trip...

Last night in Bangalore
Finally managed to tide through the 3 days being so busy
Couldn't sleep well during the stay though the luxurious of the hotel
Left eye keep twitching like it is a sign of some bad omen
Just hope it is due to tiredness only
Had an atas Indian Cuisine dinner at ITC hotel to end this trip
Need a good soak in the bath tub to end the night

Flying back tomorrow noon to home!
Hopefully a better sleep tonight
Till then.

Just reached Bangalore Hotel
Not sure why tears just flows suddenly while I was on the plane
And when I reached Bangalore Airport
I saw he updated his display photo
Heart wrenched even more
Not sure why my instinct is always so sensitive
Forcing a smile with a wrenching heart was tough
But I am going to tide through for this business trip
I thought I could ignore it
I thought I was stronger than this
Perhaps more time needed
Perhaps if he tell me that he had moved on with someone better
And that he is much happier with her
Which I believe he is now
I will not wait like I said I would
Love, something so fragile.
Promises, so easily broken.
Till then.
Need some food.
Had been losing weight too much.

Had a terrible nightmare
Breaking into cold sweat from it on Thursday
To add on, very bad diarrhea too
Left office half day to see doctor
And yes, its another gastric flu attack
Just this time it is a little more serious than the previous.
Lost 1.2 kg in just half a day
Slept the other half of the day
Couldn't manage to get out of bed on Friday.
Sleep through the day
Did my first #rollingeyes tiktok at first take
Something fun to curb over the boring sick day
And now, after sleeping too much,
Start working on the project
Aja aja fighting!
Till then peeps.

Tuesday.
Yes 933 updated their Podcast of the My Story section.
Mine was being read out on Friday which I missed it due to a conference call.
Word for Word, it still prick the heart.
But thats how harsh that part of my story is.
Wrote it selfishly, purely with all my emotions.
Sometimes "hate" came upon me
But I know I couldn't even do it.
Just have to keep it in a corner of the heart
A part of my life story...

我的心情小抽屉

以前的我习惯一个人的生活.

但当我遇见了他,他让我觉得是我不能错过的人.

面对爱情不太会冒险的我, 也勇敢的抓住我认为的幸福.

因为是网络认识的, 心里总是有许多的不踏实, 但他总是一再的确定我们的爱情有多真实.

历练多的他, 就像是我的导师, 总是能指引我对的方向.

开始的越来越依赖着他.

开始的习惯有他的日子.

开始的那微笑也变多了.

他那甜言蜜语的真心话

承诺过的 "除非你先放手, 我会一直握住你的手.“

一直很感动着我.

但这幸福很短暂, 他最后决定松开我的手.

他最后一次送我回家, 路途好像比平时远, 步伐比平时更沉重.

道别后, 我们头也不回的离开.

一瞬间的, 无奈的我, 狠狠的又被退回到一个人的生活. 

他曾经给的诺言, 已成为虚伪的谎言.

烙印心里的回忆, 已成为痛心的倒叙.

眼泪, 它却川流不息.

伤痛, 狠狠刺痛着心.

心, 碎了满地.

他, 已离我而去.

谈恋爱时, 那些情歌显得多甜蜜.

分手过后, 同首情歌显得多悲伤.

Monday.
Still having problems with sleeping.
Insomnia.
Perhaps, need to try to exercise more before sleep.
Pretty blue Monday.
Gonna start busy with India Trip Preparation.
Till then.

Midweek Wednesday.
Boss just informed I need to go to India 21-24 Apr with a project champion.
And ask me to stay at hotel after work.
Sounded so scary.
There goes my plan for Good Friday long weekend.

Didn't blog as often but shall still try to update once in awhile.
Sleep wasn't good all this while
Like a hunch of something really bad will happen.
Just hope that everyone will be safe and healthy

Work getting more hectic with more work to do for the projects
Guess it is better this way for now
Keep the mind busy rather than the heart aching.
Till then.


Song of the day: 放不下的活着 by 插班生

Yesterday evening listening to FM 933心情小抽屉
A story shared which I can totally relate such feelings
Can't help it and broke down into tears
Took awhile to finally calm down
And I wrote mine briefly not to add too much of details
But the editor wrote back for me to add more
Taking it as a diary entry I wrote back
With more emotions, I teared while writing
With more details, I reminisce those memories

Letting go may take awhile for me
Let's not say moving on
For now, just focus on working hard and earn more for the future.
Need to be more independent.
Need to be a lot more stronger.
Need to learn to love myself.

Till then

Removed the past more than hundred posts I wrote over less than 3 months.
As I read and removed
Realized how clingy I got
All those feelings are what I will need to let go
It hit me that hard because I committed too deep into it
I will pick up all my pride back together
I will come back stronger

Till then.


PS:
Even if we're not together, I want things to be going good for you.
I don't care if we're supposed to never speak again.
I want you to smile again, even if it's not with me.
And I guess you found it.

Had been long since I last blogged
Had some ME time without any social media in my daily life
I know I had been escaping the truth all these while
And yesterday it just got worst
Couldn't sleep at all
Thus today the zombified mode
Perhaps he had moved on
But I am still waiting
Many times I scolded myself for being this stubborn
Slapped myself with all the hardest truth
Even my last pride I didn't save it for myself
The things he might not know
Created the blog https://newchapterbegins141018.wordpress.com to pen down every ups and down we share which I hoped when we looked back are fond memories.
Whenever he said he love me more, deep down I know I love him even more
When I said he is sticky, I know it is because I stick to him
Always wanted our photos to be taken and posted, yet I thought you might find it annoying
I know I am not good at cooking like he does, I watched video clips and practice on the basics
I know I lack in communication, I read up books when I am on my way to work while he is still sleeping

Now.
The promises he made, became empty promises that hit me hard.
The places we went, the things we did, became flashbacks that hurts.
Perhaps he had found someone better, someone who suits him more, I wish the best for you.
Though I gotten deeper into depression, I hold on my tears to blog about it.
A day I guess hefound someone.
Till then.