Better Day

Just finish the last lesson of tennis...oh..i will miss tennis lesson alot...the fun we had...though i arent really gd at it...haha...exam is coming up and haven study yet...omg...the OB seems to be a whole lot chunk that I need to memorise...oh no...this week study break...i will miss TB25!! heehee..now abit tired...hmm...today turns out to be a not bad day...heehee...everything went smoothly...no sad feelings...but still can feel that loneliness in me...is like whenever i go home...i feel the emptiness in me...as though i am just an empty shell living in this world...i dunno how to describe it...but i am going to get rid of it...haha...think i have to really think over all my bad points of being straight forward...blurbing out whatever in mind...never consider others feelings...being such a fake person...act innocent....all these are my weak points....and i really wanna change...its not because i want to please anybody...i just feel i am bad in being that way...this shall be one of my resolution for the year...gttg liao...going to join my cousins at my aunt's place...heehee...blog another time~!haha..Should be after exam...Lucks be with all you peeps der~!

Miss Miss Miss

Wa...yesterday the campfire really very disappointed wor...the npcc tcher really too much...initially the whole campfire thing should be organise by guides and st john only...and they only in charge of the logistic part...sad to say..there was a huge rain...therefore campfire must be held indoor...when it is time for the campfire...there is no rain...and the tcher insisted in having it outdoor as her npcc cadets have soak the firewood...after that all cca members started to carry benches and place it all over the carpark...not only that..the tcher even ask her cadets to carry benches made of wood..the bench will rot due to the wetness de...yet she reply such benches are meant for wear and tear... the whole thing was so chaotic...the worst thing comes...as there is nothing we can do...we stand aside from the chaos...and the npcc tcher came and ask us where we wanna seat...in a pissed off manner...and one of our sir reply nicely that she could make the decision bcos she is in charge of it...den she say dun tok to me in that manner...at that point...i really pissed off...is like she is abusing her authority...ok should stop here about that teacher...think she dont really mean anything bad bar...today went to dye my hair...but think not really nice...haiz...today kena treat like maid...help people do things and serve them at their mahjong table...wa...maid oso got pay lor...worse thing is that i really feel being ordered lor...like i am the maid...really feel bad lehz...what they take me as...at least not to ask me do things in that order tone bar...just got home from there...looking forward to the new week...today i dream something....i dreamt that my gandma came back...and she tell me must be good girl...must study hard...and all stuff..after i woke up and i really cry hard...i really miss grandma alot...and she came to my dream....i should have tell her hw much i miss her!!haiz... i believe she knows how much i miss her...tts y she come to my dream...sobsob....really miss her lots...hmm...gotta go sleep le...tml still got ob lecture to attend...hope tml will be another better day....blog another day bar....

a better day...

Today we had bstats test...i think i may fail...the test really very difficult to me...i dint even understand any bit of the whole module...haiz...nvm...i just not that studious...its friday and there is tennis...really very tiring..after that went to library revise but nothing goes inside the head...then fallen asleep there..really too tired after the tennis...today so tired...eyes are now half open...tomorrow going back to sec school again..and i am so excited about it...cos tomorrow got campfire...and such thing is like so my favourite time during all my sec sch life...through campfires from other schools...i met alot of friends...be it guides or scouts...it is really hard to meet people in life...and meeting them is of great pleasure...so long never go for campfires...i miss those days...haven been knowing new fellow guides and scouts from other schools....always have things from poly...i am so excited about the campfire tomorrow...i just like those fun...i never had those long ago...and that side of me just fade away as i dun have the fun in campfire...i just like the atmosphere of the campfire...where we gather together...be it to know each other more or to meet someone new...there is always a surprise in it....oh...but theres one thing which is a huge barrier for me going guides that is GARY!!! I dun wanna see him...he is just so bossy(should i say so??)..haiz...jio my sis go watch hitch on monday she ask me to treat her...gotta go sleep liao...yesterday din sleep well...better catch some sleep...tomorrow a long and funfilled day for me...looking forward...hope no disappointment from the juniors....blog next time~!

no gd...

Today after the extra micro lesson...I din eat with them...really feeling very sad today...den walk off just like that...cos i dun wanna dem see me in tears...I just miss my grandma....and that my friend seems to be very irritated by me...I know I wont be forgiven...and for now I have lost a friend...it really hurts in my heart...how am i going to face her...everytime i see her...she seems to be irritated..I went to collect my student card...den i went to westmall to walk walk...think alot...then went to get sumthing sweet..to get rid of those bitterness...thats my way to drown my sorrow....go to basketball court...and vent out all my sadness...feel better then went home sweating all over...haven been evercising much... so busy with all those school things and my own troubles...haven even start revising bstats...dun understand even a bit of it...haiz...nothing can be worse than this part of my life...feeling so hopeless..loneliness...unloved...misunderstood...backstabbed...regrets...helpless.... i just dunno why all this comes in at this part of my life...I wanna to face all these by myself...i wanna proof them wrong...i wont be that easily beaten by all those troubles coming after each one...I know that...cos all this while i have all those wonderful friends supporting me...thanks alot guys...I know i have to face it all...and only through all these..i will be mature...and that naive me will den grow...I wanna stand up from where i had fall and to bravely move on...guides camp is coming up this friday...i am sure to be there...my juniors i miss dem all...the newbies i am eager to meet...hope the camp can really get back my previous enthusiasm...i am looking forward to it...gttg liao..have to bath and help on the campfire thingy and prepare for tomorrow presentation...hope tomorrow will be a better day...blog another time...Juniors must jia you for the camp hor...

Ever since the last two weeks..she has been ignoring me...have i done something that make her irritated...i really dint noe...cos at that period of time...depression just suppress me down..i really dint mean to be doing the things that makes you angry...i know there is no excuse to all those...and i am really sorry to this friend...i really dunno how to express my feelings to her...all my apologies and sorries i wanna sae...i just cant express myself well...i so scared they may misinterpret leading to misunderstanding...i hope she could forgive me...i know forgiveness is never easy...but i really wanna say a million..a trillions..many zillions of sorries...i am so sorry...if you ever read my blog...can you forgive my sillyness? i know i must have made you very angry that you dont even wanna talk to me...haiz...i really treasure every friends i meet...i know it is hard to meet someone in life for it takes many lifetimes to meet every single person on earth...so i really dont wanna things to threaten our friendship...i am really sincere in solving it...Today...I just keep quiet...all the way...i thought about alot of things...during every blank period...really thought about preciousness of life and relationship among each other...just hope things will be going on fine....this year seems to be rather disasterous...only saddness, depression, disappointment, loneliness...i am feeling so lost...i just cant find my aim in life...as pheywen ask me what is my ambition...i initially thought of being a psychologist...but i cant even control my psychological feelings...how could i help others?? for now i am just taking walks and not knowing where to walk to...i feel that i am such a failure...that cheerful me is just gone in the wind when i do all these blogging...all this true feelings of mine seems to differ so much from the smiling me...i sumtimes think i had "Xin Ge Fen Lie"...

Today..seems not bad...saw the aloysious from PCK at the atrium( dunno what is his name)...he looks better than last time we saw him on bus...they say things about handling relationship upon studies...really very meaningful...but i din listen to all...cos i meet my friend to buy things from the bazaar...actually wana take student card but haven open..so i left..think only friday then i can take...just went to Shop N Save to buy things for tonight dinner...i had dine marketing since yesterday...oh my..i look so auntie...haha...last of all...really wanna apologise to her in person...but really dunno how to open to her...hope tomorrow i can do it...hope she wont feel irritated...i just somehow feel that she dislike me...but scared she will dislike me more when i apologise...HOW???hope tomorrow will be a better day...gotta go prepare for the presentation for ob....blog another time....

Today!

Today a better day...i am getting the cheerful mood in me...today quite tired after the tennis lesson...and i did something bad today...let wen quan go present by himself...i really feel bad...his friends even offer to help him take the paper and that makes me even worse...i really didnt mean not to offer my help...i know there is no excuse to my stupidity...i really feel apologetic...i did a bad thing today...really hope he will forgive me...really sorry....today went out with friends and after that go home...too tired....hmm...i am getting more cheerful...and i hope i can go on like that...i know it is tough for me...but i am sure i can do it...laughter can makes everything turn out good...that is what i believe...i know many changes are made and that i have to adapt to this new environment here...hmm...this part of my life is really so depressing....I had never been such depressed before...but all things have gone...i will just have to take it easy... for now focus on studies is important and nothing else....Let me stand up and fight for my future...no more sad things shall comes...only sweetness will be there...once again i need to thanks all those who have help me...all little effort or big big effort...they are all appreciated....and i am very thankful to all of you...just when i need you all...you all are there for me....thanks alot~!gttg liao..need to catch some sleep...abit tired....nitez...blog again nxt time...

Having do things at own will is one sided love....

Seeing only his good is admire...

Sacrifice everything for him is madly in love....

Having a rival is triangle love...

Having loss to the rival is out of love....

All this feelings i have tasted them...and it tastes just like tha loverfruit...so sour...so sweet...and so bitter....

Haiz...Today a real long day...study for the whole afternoon but nothing seems to get inside..the moment i enter the examination hall...my head becomes empty and i forgotten almost everything...really hope i can at least pass...but i doubt so....now is a big relief for me...finally the presentation was over....i think i did quite badly bar...but i think all my other classmates did really well...all their topics are interesting...but i stammer alot and seems not fluent...but i really put in my very best le....at that time of presentation...i just cant stop feeling nervous...anyway everything is over and i cant change the fact...today the test was really very difficult...maybe i didnt study much...all the questions really very tricky...aiyo...tink i have to really revise now...and i better start researching on stress management..if not last minute then i cant study for bstats...oh my...i dun even understand that whole chunk of it....by this week i better finish the research...hmm...this week seems alot better for me...i seems to be able to take things the way it is to be...and really sort out all those things...i know it is hard..just like the chinese word:"舍得" you really need to 'let it go' (舍)before you 'gain'(得) something...at this point of time...it makes me treasure every person i have by my side...and not taking things for granted...from now till forever...i will always treasure all my loved ones,friends,etc...for i dont want to regret...like what i am regretting now....but brooding over it wont do me any good..i am going to stand up and to try my best to fulfill what i promise her...for her...i will do my best...to make up for all those things i haven done for her....ok...i have to leave all those sad things behind and to continue life...my bubbly character is still in me...have been wearing white black or blue clothing for the past 2 weeks...now i know she is really gone...though the mourning shall stop...she will always live within my heart....hmm...tml still got S&W...and LMS...and it is entering weekend....i just love it!!heehee...i like weekends!! Gttg and do my research le....blog another time yar...important words to all my friends...really thank you...my gratitude for you all are undescrible...for those time you have stand by me...and help me through this tough time...and i am grateful to all....really thanks for the support....if not i would not be able to face things bravely....Thanks a million....

OCOM Freak~!!!!

Wa..today really abit tired..dunno why...and also very stress..tml got ocom presentation..i really hope i wun "Lian Lei" my group...I must really open up manz...today gonna gather all my courage i used to have...n have it all out at that critical moment...i really scared dey will laugh at me...oh my...i dun wanna blush in front of my class...never let them see that red red tomato on my face before....haha...later must really go practise man...yesterday my feelings really cannot control....and i really burst in tears...cos i really touch by all of you...i receive so much concern and care...but to tell you guys...i cried cos you all have touched me....deep inside my heart....you guys are really great...Thanks alot....i know i always hide my feelings in front of you guys...but you all visit my blog to know how's im feeling and even called me to take things easily...but really i dun mean to hide feelings...cos i scared i express my feelings wrongly...i am juz like a log...dunno how to express feelings out...haha..sounds like those guys....i only know how to write it all down...is this called autism( Zhi Bi Zhen)??i sometimes think that i really very "zhi Bi" leh...haiz....i need confidence...tml..i scared im going die in the ocom tutorial...i now really stress leh....sooo scared....do all those demo really very paiseh nei...wa...all the guys better dun laugh at me man...or else i will definitely keep to myself more lehz...i also have ego de mar...too straight forward i really cant take it lar...juz laugh at the humour part is alrite...but laugh at me...i feel hurt de wor....haha...i know they wun de lar...:P
opps...gotta go recite my script again...if not i will forget...kk..i blog tml to tell you how's tml presentation...wish me luck man....haha...