Had been long since I last update this blog...
Updates! Had gotten a job offer and I will be working at CHANGI next year!
Well, Im like looking forward and yet reluctant to leave...
Looking forward to the new and fun environment that I will be in...
Reluctant to leave my beloved and wonderful team...
I'm so so gonna miss them loads!!
It's really fun working with them...
The teamwork we had and those laughter we shared...
Yawnz. Had a whole day of shopping...
Need to head bed!
Night peeps!

Have been long since I last update my blog.
The past 1 month had been really busy with stock take preparation and all.
Drown myself with all the work to keep myself from not thinking so much.
Well, the past few days, many things happened.
My sis's boyfriend's mum pass away.
When she was diagnose for cancer, they said there is 6 more months.
But suddenly she just left.
Thats how fragile life can be.
Had been praying for her
though we never met.
Am still praying for her, may her soul rest in peace and that my sis's boyfriend's family to stay strong through this period.
As I was clearing those photos, I was reminded...
The happy days we had...
The things you had done to make my day
I'm not sure why we ended up this way.
I made my move, but you pushed me away.
Perhaps, things had changed.
Well, I hope things went better for everyone.
Just this moment, tears are too overflowing.
At many times, I wanted to delete those photos.
But just cant bring myself to hit the button.
Well, last weekend for this month.
I guess will be busy for the next few months.
Clearing my leaves or perhaps moving on to a better prospect.
Hope things will be going on better...
Till then peeps!

Why it felt so hurtful?
Is it delibrate??
I guess so.
Somehow so obvious.
Unknowingly the tears flow.
No matter how hard I tried to stop it, it just doesn't listen.
Attach too much feeling into it,
Suddenly need to detach it seems quite tough for me.
Its a love hate feeling!
Struggling with those mixed emotions!!
Geez. Its so torturing!!
Just let me go through this alone...
*puffy eyes*

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Tuesday. Tired.
Well 3 more days to batam with sis, her bf and mum!!
Looking forward!!
At least something I work towards for.
Think abit way too much!!
Nightmares.
Well, how can I stop myself from thinking too much??
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Shagged.
Im the next target board after the previous one was force to leave.
Well, today dunno what got into me..
I msn him...
But he went offline after few lines of communication...
Seemed so distant, yet tears do flow..
Ponder over some quedtions being adked.
And I realised that when i pteviously gave that answer at the pit of anger but truly its he who completes me.
Well, things cant be rewind.
I had changed and realised it.
But, its too late when it had ended.

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When sometimes I thought I am that strong, I realise that feminine part of me.
Needing that shoulder to rely on. Needing that hug to warm the heart.
No need those sweet nothings, just you by my side.
I miss you!
I said it to myself.

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Tuesday.
Kinda disappointed.
Well, I hope it had make me given hope and not pinning that things may happen.
What lost is a gain in another.
Once bitten, twice shy, no more the third time!
Had enough of all those heartbreaking stuffs!
Im aint cut for it!
Far too challenging for me to handle.
Perhaps Im just too slow for the game and I just dun show things, hiding all those feelings.
Thats my character I suppose.
Keeping things to myself...
Pouts! At least blogging is my way of expressing stuff!
Though at time maybe too harsh and overboard.
Geez!
Till then peeps! Gotta prepare for meeting later!

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Had been more than a year.
Looking back, I realised how stubborn, how nonsensical I was.
Perhaps, setbacks make me think better?
Though it wasn't what I meant it to be,
Yet it happened.
Well, seems like it is just me looking back.
Admitting I took everything for granted.
After going through this much, I treasure everything more.
Many times I tried to brave up all the courage I have.
Yet I just don't have the guts to say it.
Maybe its the fear of being rejected,
and all thoughts went through.
Its such a love-hate feeling!!
I'm suffocated by this feeling!!

Silence, it breaks the loudest cry.
For fear of darkness, loneliness is mine.

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Coughing coughing away!!
Feel like Im gonna cough my lungs out anytime!!
Since when my body get this weak!!
Weak in the mind cause the weak in the body??
Think abit more than usual...
Popping questions of "what if'...
Maybe its the faith that I din grab...
When made the wrong choice, any way to correct it?? But not many wrong choice made is given a chance to correct. Besides, it takes loads of courage to do that. Let not say this ego me!
Bluek!
Well, Im improving on it. I say its ego, people say its stubborn!!
Lol!!
Till then peeps!
Drowsy med!!

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I have this weird feeling...
Not sure what it is...
Dun really like it!!
Arghz!!!
Butterflies in the stomach!!
I fear!!!
My insecurity!!!

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A super angsty week before!!
Well, seems expected right after boss left.
More other people's work assigned for me to do.
Its irking seeing people pushing things around!!
Am I being too nice to not rejecting them and their jobs?
I just got the feeling people pushing things to me cos there is no one to defend me.
Months to come, I hope it will be gone that includes me!!
Angsty!!!!

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Wednesday!!
Its mid week!!
Yes! Had not been staying overtime!
But yet there is this person sarcastically saying so early go home!! Arghz!! Had I OT not enough!!
And at times when other dept required help, had I not help by staying OT to do those?? Let not say those work that I had brought jome to do, working throughout the night!! Was really super pissed!!
Zzzzz. Dozing off.
Night peeps!!

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Sunday!!
Shrugs! Past few days have been thinking quite abit...
At times I wonder how are you doing?
Are you still doing well?
I hope its better.
I will always be there, selflessly supporting you.
Ponder about it, even when people badmouth me about you, I will always feel upsetted. Cos I know you treat me the best, even give in to all my stubborn acts & attitude. IMY LOADS!!
Something I can only say it out here only.

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Weekend passed so quickly!!
Yawnz!
Monday blues!!!
But tmr is hols!!
Hohoho!!!
A very shag day!!
Why do I think about it??
Too much of drama??
Well, Im not sure if this feeling I am having is true??
But, I will never ever able to have that courage to make that lil move to even make things happen!
Guess its bcos that timid me!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Friday!!
Finally a friday I can rest.
Yesterday, had a dream.
Seems so real...
But I know it is just a dream.
People says the thing you dream is what your mind sub-consciously thinking about it..
So did I still miss him??
Have been burrowing myself with work and other stuffs to keep myself from thinking too much...
The spinister mind, WORK!
Yes. It is my darkest secret.
Bleahs!!
Hopefully today is a smooth day!!
Had enough of all the scoldings in the office.
Though the target is not me, it is really dampening the motivation to work is the 'roaring' environment!!
What worst if its her moodswing!!
Please let me have a peaceful day!!!
Today going to treat boss for his farewell...
Feel abit being abandon here...
But still thankful for him.
1 more week till his last day in hell!!
All the best boss!!!

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Thursday.
Weekend is coming!!!
But Im not looking forward to it!!
Sat have to come back for course...
Ahem. How to handle difficult customer...
Wonder if does it help??
Attended quite a number of such courses but seems like theory cant be put into practical in real life...
We shall see...
Yawnz...
Coughing with all those nose blowing...
Cant feel my nose now and am with that sexy voice for weeks!!
Shrugs!
*shoo shoo virus*
When I was last sick with all this...
I had someone making me ginger coke for work...
Making sure I drink finish...
Reminding me not to OT...
Bleahz!!
But now.. I dunno how to make that ginger coke that taste just that...
Well, guess I need more rest bar!!
Beauty sleep!!! On Sunday lo...
*drowsy drowsy*
Must be the after effect of the medicine...
Wonder I can tahan for the work...
Aja aja fwighting!!!!

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Wednesday...
Its mid week!!!
Well, hopefully things will get better though still feeling super sick...
With a clown nose on and just cant stop coughing!!!
Wad have I done to my health??
Gotta take care of myself!!
"You're the love of my life" this old skool song keep reflecting on my mind...
The lyrics so simple yet convey the deepness of true love...
As the lyric goes...
You are the love of my life, I know it right from the start..
If I had knew it right from the start, there wont be any regrets...
Cough cough...
Geez, reaching office.
Till then peeps!!

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Monday. Bluey day!!
Yesterday was a wedding filled day.
My dear xin had her solemnization!!
Seeing her saying the vows to her loved ones...
So touching!! *teary eyes*
Next is my dear colleague shermine...
Blissful ceremony, making those vows...
Feeling so sentimental...
Well, its making me so envious
People ask when is mine...
Erm... how to answer??
Im career focused at the moment..
Seems like a spinister answer...
Wopps!!
Till then peeps!!
To the newly wedded...
Blissful marriage!

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Thursday.
Went home early yesterday!
Had a super early night!
Was super tired yesterday...
Well, was a good night sleep.
Didnt think anything too much...
Cough and sore throat still pestering me...
Had been down with it for weeks!!
Gotta learn to better take care of myself instead of torturing...
With emotions and all those work...
At this point, Im not sure where the route in front of me is heading to...
So insecured...
Well, not sure whats the next step I should be taking...
We'll see...

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Wednesday.
Didnt catch much sleep...
Had to complete the task given due to some stupid reason!!!
Im not obligue to help you do your work while you have more time for your idling!!
Dont even use sarcastic remarks to ask me do work too!!
I did the task till 4am!!! Shrugs!!
And I feel its not worth my effort!!!
Regret!!!!
Well, being helpful for the convenience and ease of others, really makes me feel stupid!!!
Right!! Admitting my stupidity....
Sleepy!!! Hope today is a better day!!!
Freaks!! *butterflies in stomach*
Having refresher training plus stock take meeting!!
Geez!! Aja aja fwighting!!!

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Tuesday.
Cant stop coughing and sneezing..
Pouts!!
Got this feeling not wanting to go work.
Feel abit demoralised..
No motivation to carry on..
Well, since it had been finalised, I should start planning for myself.
To carry on this way? Or pursue a better one??
Just hopped over last than a year and I believe if I do anything stupid, its really very stupid!!
Just wait and see till my 1st year finished!
Hope everything goes well today!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Today, monday, super bad day!
Alot of things cropped up.
Tsk. Im not that perfect after all.
Well, I am quite devasted.
Ponder alot today.
Not sure if I should further pursue what I want.
I make a bold move today.
Im not sure whats of the outcome will be.
But I hope it turns out well.
At least I did make a move to give myself a chance.
A very brain consuming day..
Tata. Gttg catch some sleep!!
Till then peeps!

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Sunday!!
Went to church and back to work!!
Yesh yesh!! 7 days work week!!
Still down with the sore throat and flu.
Geez! Thought the weekend could be more for me to rest.
But well, its well spent after all!
Saturday after work head down to town to meet galfrewns for late lunch! So much for the get together and the cuteness of the little one...
Aiks!! How I wish I am back to those days!!
Innocent with no worries!!
Ponder alot though...
I will work harder!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Time for some updates.
Have been feeling sick this few days..
Fever, sore throat, migrain, gastric, nausea...
All come together...
How nice!
No appetite to eat...
Dont like the bland food I had to eat...
Well.. Im craving for fast food!!
Those sinful food!!
Emo filled month...
Dont know what I should do now...
Though I know that things will change, somehow I felt lost...
Aja aja fwighting!!!

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问自己怎么了?
复杂的思绪，
撩乱了我的理智。
明明的喜欢，
却口是心扉。
因为害怕爱上对我没有感情的你。
因为知道我爱的你已爱上了别人。
我们总爱说最远的距离是我在你身边，而你不知道我爱你。
对我来说，最痛的距离是你不在我身边却在我的心里。

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Its july!!!
Passed mid year!!
So so emo!!!
Well, be it work or rs.
Thinking alot about things..
Sometimes I thought, if life could rewind, will I do this again?
The narrow-mind of women...
Revenge-filled anger...
Tsk.
No soul mate to talk to that really understand me ..
As the saying goes, people change and never judge a book by its cover...
How on earth am I able to survive...
Perhaps, I had over-relied on you.
And now Im so lost without you.
Cos you were my support whenever I need till you changed...
Well. Im looking back...
Abit pathetic ya...
Thats me. Pathetic & unloved.

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Time for some update...
Had been rather busy...
Yesterday I had a dream...
I dreamt that we went school together...
Doing those funny things together...
I mish those days...
Though there is ups and downs, we often able to conquer those barriers faced...
Those lil suprises you did to make me happy...
Geez... What am I pinning on?
He has his freedom now...
But why that jealousy gets more whenever I see thos pics....
Well, thinking abit too much...
Till then peeps!

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Blogging time!!
Today is Wednesday!!
Why its like everyday Im so deprieve of sleep...
Yawnz...
Lost my wallet last week....
Sobx....
Have been quite careless this few weeks.
Ngeh!!
As I was doing my search of my lost wallet, I found stuffs...
The things I used to make for you...
The things that was not being able to give...
Geez.
Well..
Hopefully this week will be a better week...
Friday having training at singpost paya lebar...
Aja aja fwighting!!!!!

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Updates!!
Birthday passed..
Im 25!! Omg!! 1/4 of a century I had lived!
Had dinner with family...
After which join colleagues with some drinking at clarke quay...
Waited for the whole day for his msg...
But to avail, no msg was sent by him..
Was utterly disappointed...
Tsk. Why would I care so much when he doesn't?? Its time to let go?? Starting to ask why persevered??
Had been thinking alot...
My resolution moving towards 26...
Is to buy my dream house!!

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Tuesday!!
Gotten rid of monday blues!
Super busy monday!
Geez.
Last sat had a great chill out session with galfriends!!
Loves meeting up with them!!
Cos its always so filled with laughter and joy!!
Had given much thoughts to things...
Perhaps, im not that capable...
Well, not sure if I should stay on or its an opportunity to fight for it..
But given the situation, im not the apple of the eye.
Shall see how ba...
Aja aja fwighting!!
Till then peeps!

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Wednesday.
Had a great day yesterday...
Watched movie...
Walked around orchard...
I used that happy mood to hide off my everyday emo-ness...
Pretty obvious tho...
But I just don't want anyone to be worried about me...
Im ok being alone...

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Even if the whole world doubt me..
Even if everyone were to show their back on me...
I know you will always be there for me...
And I will definitely do so for you...

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Monday.
Am wearing blue again!
Puffiness in the eyes...
Cried till I slept...
Not sure why...
Broading over things...
Now other than being lost...
I found my way by drowning myself with all the wrk...
Make myself too tired to think more..
You may say its escaping things...
And yes I am!
I did that previously...
Not letting myself to be into another relationship so that I wont be hurt...
Until I met you and I thot you would be different...
But yet the ending is the same...
Now Im back to that stage...
Not believing in anyone..
Not committing myself into any relationship...
Cos it really hurt too much...
Too much for me to cope...
Well. I shall just focus on my job at this moment..
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Sunday.
Pretty emo day for me.
I saw that box..
That was given to me 2 years ago...
And it always reminded me that most touching thing you did for me.
Though it doesn't take much money, its the effort that touches right in my heart.
To you, you may think that Im not the one for you.
But as always, I believe you are the one.
I believe so.. even when we had bad quarrels.
Cos I know each quarrels we had would just make our relationship stronger.
But when I knew you had lost the ring, I knew you had a change of your heart.
Im no longer the person you love.
Im just like a thorn in your eyes.
Someone annoying...
As I step out of your circle of life, you seemed happier, more carefree.
And then I ponder...
Had I been the one hindering in your life.
Making you so tied into my world.
Ponder alot today..
But I guess things won't be able to turn back...
I still love you so...

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Wednesday.
Waking up with a serious headache!
Fell off the bed too....
Have been quite clumsy these days..
Many cuts & bruises on me...
Had a so real dream...
Dreamt that I fainted at work...
Had stitches on the head...
Finally I decided to take mc...
Worked abit too much...
Neglected my health...
Gastrics starting...
Geez...
Was reminded that my bday is coming....
Another year older...
Looking back this one year...
I've grown alot...
Less stubborn...
Less demanding..
Less irritating...
Thinking back...
I had a wonderful bday last year...
But not anymore...
While looking at those past posts..
I realise what I had wished for it had been fulfilled..
Need to think of new goals to achieve!!
Arghz!
Headache killing me...
Gttg get medication n rest well...
Till then peeps!

Ps: Never trade anything for health!

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Monday blues!!!
Good grief!!
Im wearing blue too!!
Another weekend passed
So fast!!
Did ponder about what was told to me.
Abit disappointed.
Perhaps i dont fit and not that capable to him.
Well well...
Makes me think twice and even thrice if what I did for him is worth it not.
Geez.
Heading work and thinking if I should have taken mc but yet cant bear to leave the work.
Haiz.
Positive positive positive!!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

PS: If your yesterday was you, today is me, will your tommorrow be US?

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TGIF!! Finally friday!
Hard day for the past 2 days!
Tsk.
Sometimes really make me ponder why work so hard?
People just take it for granted.
Arghz!
Insecured!!
Last day of the week!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Wednesday...
*pout*
Ponder alot today...
Accidentally I saw his blog..
Geez!
Tear abit bit...
But dunno why...
Got the breakfast we used to eat...
Suddenly missing those days...
Aja aja fwighting!!!

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Tuesday blues!! Yawnz! Otw to work... the sky so blue, the breeze so cool!! A good weather to sleep on!!

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Labor day!

Today a labor day... homely day for me.. well well... a day filled with thots... think alot.. but no conclusion out of my confused mind. Perhaps thats the insecurity of women.. wopps! The women's mind is just so difficult to understand!! So dun understand it men!! If men & women know what each other wants... it would be the best of world! No quarrels! No sexist!

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It has been long since I last blog!
I missed blogging!
Had been quite busy with work I guess..
Perhaps, it works for me to keep myself busy from too much thinking..
Geez...Another long weekend!
Im so so gonna take this time to rest well..
Had been pushing myself too much on work.
Maybe focus on work makes me stop thinking about other things...
At least for the time being...
Abit emo recently...
Not sure why?
Perhaps the changes that are happening?
Feeling really disappointed and unappreciated.
Just like whatever effort I had put in just not enough!
The challenge had put me faraway from my goal.
Blurring my vision...
Felt it this way before, thats why I choose to leave...
Now you are giving me this again...
It makes me feel like you pull me away from there and bringing me to another..
If you don't recognise my effort and ability, just let me go...
It hurts hearing all those words...
Understanding takes a lot
Don't jump into conclusion to things that never happened.
I tried and put in my best effort to make everything goes right
I don't mind people saying me being under your care no matter what..
Cos I know I am able to do the tasks given well...
Gosh! Blogging about work on its revival!!
NONO!!
Some updates about me.
Getting another year older soon...
Changes I had...
More matured, more emo
Perhaps the past I had not gotten over
But well things had to move on right?
Kind of cruel to me with those words
Well, thats MAN.
Anyway, love, Im not cut for it.
Or perhaps haven met the right one.
Work, is my priority
Health, I abuse it with work.
Friends! I missing them all!
Loads of catch up made!
Having dinner with family later
My dear sisters bday dinner!
Shall update again!
Im gonna be a frequent blogger!!
Not bottoming all the emotions!
Letting it out all here!
Tata peeps~!