SAD!!!!!!!

Wa...Life is not for me...Why God always want to push me down hard at the peak of happiness...why cant happiness be sustained....yesterday my aunt and mum admitted hospital cos they got dengue fever...haiz...den today my grandpa also admitted to hospital and now I also dunno what happen to him...he have been like so healthy and hearty...why the sudden admission to the hospital...it seems like this month is really not my month...so many things happen...and when I just climb up from my fall...and I'm once again being pushed...why is God doing this to me...what I initially thought that things might get better for me just fade off...I wanna my mum, aunt and grandpa to get well....please!!!They are very dear to me...and I treasure the relationship I have with them... it really hurts me to see them lying at the bed of the hospital....everything seems to break my motivation to study....oh no...I cant do that...I must study real hard for this semester...Get good grades is my aim....but how...i'm really bad at studying...hmm...no matter what obstacles are in front of me..I'm sure I will be able to get over it....yes....I wanna be stronger than ever...to prove that I've grown up...and I'm kids no more....I must be independent....today really very tired...yesterday did those things till 3am...and I wake up at 8.30am so that I can visit my mum before I go to skool and study...quite moody today but I'm sure to get over those moodswings...haiz...yesterday I message the girl who also same as me admire that special person I saw in his friendster....wa..Its like I wanna know her and like hope she will share things happening in techpoint with me...and maybe hope she can share a clearer photo of his....opps..do I sound like I am using someone...haiz...aniway juz wanna noe another friend lor...hope she will reply me...haiz...hope mum can come back home tommorrow bar...but the doctor like say need to hospitalise for 3 more days the least leh...sianz....sign off zzzzzzzzzzz.....gotta go cook dinner for myself...den after that study that disastrous BSTATS!!! I blog after my exam bar...

It all turns out rite now!!

Today I very happy...this week gets better for me!! Things are solved....and I am glad that things turn out right...that must be God...He help me through this tough time..and not forgetting all my friends who have been by my side..thanks alot...not only that...He accept my request in friendster....so happy now...it is like what I have yearned this few weeks...but it is like I dont know what to do after this...aniway I am just very happy that he accept me as his friend...that gonna make my week a even more happier one...and this can really motivate me to concentrate in studying for next week common test....thanks alot to you...you really mean alot to me....though I know what I wish may not come true...but the friendship I have with you...I'll treasure even more...Hmmm..saw his testi and it seems he is a popular catch at work...and he has quite a lot of admirer le...wa..I really no chance le...but I really hope that he will do well...yar...anyway...from now...I'm doing fine...cos all my problems are solved and that I believe that things will turn out fine for me...through this fall..I have learnt alot...giving up takes more courage then persevere...and maybe thats why I still persevere..cos I dun have the courage to face it....but no matter what...that passion I have for him is still there though I wont get to see him...from now...what I see through his friendster is his cheerfulness and enthusiasm in what he believes....I hope that he is doing just fine and may he always have a cheerful day...I really hope through friendster I can get to know you more....this week no skool kinda miss my TB25 le...oh...really miss you all wor...really have fun on saturday with the Aquatholon thingy....take care guys and all the best in the common test wor...JiaYou~~muackz...

Saturday Morning...I Have Fun

Today..really very tired lehz...kinda ache all over from head to toe...maybe really didnt sleep well yesterday...I woke up at 8 lehz...so early....I better catch an early sleep tonight....hmm...today no mood swing...wa...cos nobody disturb me about those problems...and I have a great day with my class..though I went off without them(cos I have to find my younger sis...she's left all alone...)..I really enjoy the day...2 more weeks towards common test...must work on my microecons lehz...cos im really very bad at econs lehz...I have no interest in those stuff...really dunno how come I pass macroecons...I hope the week ahead will be a better one for me...and i'll definitely miss TB25..cos no skool next week...but im still going back to skool to study at the library with stacy and fangz...yea...so long never see fangz liao lehz...miss her wor...heehee...got boyfriend must not forget me hor...see you on mon when we meet up for revision hor...hmm...he still haven accept my request...but im still holding on...I wonder how long can I hold on...do I still have the determination to hang on?? I believe I will...cos thats the power of love...we are still at the same stage...friends with daily smses....Getting tired le...really feel like falling asleep...but ocom topic is not out...maybe tommorrow we'll continue...I really cant stop myself from yawning....tommorrow still have to attend church....nitez....

PS:Yesterday a history I dont want to forget...

Today is present I cherish it

Tommorrow is future I'm in search of that path.....

© Brigitte Khoo Jie Bin

Day after Day

Hmm..I juz Came back from my solo climb of the bukit timah hill...and I thought alot about things happen this 2 weeks...I have to learn to solve those problems and not avoiding them...and I will....really thanks to all my friends who have been so encouraging...and those words are really sweet....hmm...gonna bury myself with work to drown all my sorrows deep down....in life to forget someone or something is just too difficult...but the more you want to forget it...the harder it is...just allow time to heal it...thats the best way to heal....this week seems a little better for me...have lots of encouragement and I had managed to climb up from where I had fell....I know my moodyness must have leave a bad impression to people out there...Im really sorry...maybe you all think that im bad at emotion management...(opps..sound abit too business...)but I think I am...how I hope there is 1 module that teach us emotion management...to teach how to control mood swings...all stuff....hmm...today is Hari Raya Haji...seems that my mood has less swings....Im happy...yea...looking forward to tml...the aquathalon thingy...that will be the last time we meet till common test...will miss all of TB25 wor....haha...I really like my class alot lehz...cos all so friendly...supportive....just so nice!!Best wishes to all for the coming common test...gotta end here le...go take my lunch~

I'll blog next time....cya TB25 tml....(hope it doesnt rain....touch wood...)

Sad all the way....

Today we have tennis again...I didnt really sleep well last night....really kinda sad about things that happen recently...one is that our class gals seem to be drifting away...really very sad about this lehz...it has happen like since skool start bar...why things have come to such situation...and i really hope that we can be like those days we had last semester...wa...this week seems really bad to me...I keep getting calls from friends around me...and heard that so many things actually happen...really feel very down this week...unlike last week I really had a cheerful week with my friends...I dont know why things keep opposing me...At the highest time you push me so hard that I fall so deep down...If I had ignored you or seems not to be bothered...I really didnt mean it...because I am really very sad...and I dont really want to look sad in front of you guys...and have to put up the brave front...nowadays things arent getting better for me....sad.sad.sad is all I can say...I cried a lot...but maybe I have suppressed too much of my feelings that I wanna let it out...watching the tv series of channel 55 at 9 yesterday...I really cried throughout the last part of the show...it is really pain to have someone so close to you to just suddenly leave just at that mist of time...I dont know why I would cry whenever I see people cries and I would try to hide it...I'm just like that....I think I dont want people to see that side of me...I dont wanna people to think that I am so fragile...but I am really one...Let this be the secret among me and those who are reading this...I will able to climb up and move on...it just that it takes time...I think I should pray more to GOD...I believe he will guide me through the way...

++++++........Hurt is too much pain in the heart and too much supressing of feelings will only do no good........+++++

Sad.Sad.Sad

Sad..Depressed...He Din add me lehz..I think he really reject my request le bar...really kinda sad lehz..think maybe he likes pretty gers bar....I really dunno what to do ....I dun dare to msg him and ask him to accept my request...it is like so awkward to message him like that...haiz...today really very tired...sleep so late and lesson ends at 5...really fall asleep at bstats lecture...but den dunno why half way suddenly so alert...haha...den go home forget bring key and nobody at home...wa...walk around my hse for about 1++hr lehz...so tired today....plus extreme sadness lor...he really very bad lehz...din add me in friendster....haiz...really feel like giving up at times lor...but when I say that...my hearts doesnt follow what I say...and keep on holding a torch for him....wa...I seem to be so devoted hor..haiz...but sad to say he dun like me...maybe we arent meant to be together bar...still thinking about what my friend says that the guys at techpoint are all attached le...hmm..maybe he's attached le bar...now doing cip exercise...have to start all over again cos the one I just do never save den the com went hay wire...things arent getting smooth for me this week...I heard from shelia today that motorola had sacked alot of people le...wa...this week isnt my week lor...the whole week I have been feeling very moody and have been chatting on the phone to make sure things are getting well with my friends...my great apology if I seem to be a little anti social this week...but please..let me be this...for I really dunno what I should do...the week is ending soon...lets hope next week will be a better week for everyone especially for those friends around me= tb25.x colleagues.him.god bros.guides.all those friends who have been always bring joy to my life...I believe things will get better for them..and I really hope it does likewise for me....this have been bothering me for weeks...

WHAT SHOULD I DO??

TTS Again...

Today TTS again..I dunno why I really very nervous....I think I really scared Ms Thea...dunno how come when I see her I really very scared...I think I am too self conscious...I really scared that I cannot make it and often ended failing in the things I wanna do well...thats my weakness...I just cant overcome it...haiz..but at last every thing is over...no more TTS for me...TTs really makes me fear alot...yipee...wa..really excited that valentine's day is coming soon~~ I have date all my friends for the day...so excited....we r going to sentosa to spend the day der...yipee... though recently alot of things keep happening..and everyone is like so moody...I hope that this outing will boost everyone's mood...cheer up guys...I'm really fine and I'm getting up from my fall...though is quite pain...but I will never give up on the things I pinned for...dun worry for me...I know things are fated...I'll let nature takes it course...maybe he is someone sent by god to help me to become a even mature person...I must admit that because of him...I really have mature in my thoughts and become stronger when faced with problems...I know I really like you a lot...and even becomes too much that I really cant give up on you...but at least we are friends now rite...if you ever see this.. can you add me in friendster...we are friends rite...maybe through friendster I can get to know you better...no matter what...I'll always be there to support you...and I'll always be right here waiting for you...I know this day may not come...but I really want you to feel being loved which is more blissful than loving someone...take lots of care...

====For I really mean concerns for you======

Oh no..he din add me...sadz...

Wa..today really very tired lehz...tennis really very tired...hmm...he still haven add me lehz...but he had logged in lor...maybe he really dun wanna add me into his account bar....sobsob...like that make my day turn bad lehz...nvm den...guess wad...tml is gonna be a great day...i think i'll be going to the north east area for a walk...hey..its not for him lor...I juz wanna take a walk at ang mo kio der...like so long never go der liao...maybe can go my friend's der the shop and have lunch...the food really yummy...heehee...and maybe see if can bump into any of my ex-colleagues der....heehee....oh yar...last week actually should have meet up with shelia but i was so sick that i din meet up with her...maybe tml go der find her...heehee...hmm...actually hor...maybe i should give up lehz...but i cant bear to let go lehz....my friends say that he's not worth waiting...such a hot temper typical ah beng....haiz...but i like him being so hardworking lehz...die le..i like him too much that i cant stop thinking about him...maybe what my friends say are right but i wont give up so easily...

as my phrase goes:

He can choose to love me or love me not, but I can choose to love him and love him even more.

i like him secretly for about a year le...maybe he doesnt know that i carry a touch for him so long...but i wanna say that he had made me learn to be stronger towards life...because perseverance has always be with me ever since he stepped into my life which is my first day of work dated: 3 dec 2003....

Another comes~

Today we had TTS again...we left 2 more session of that....oh my..today I really shiver alot...but actually it is not because I am very nervous...it is actually because the air con is so cold...I find that I cant really talk well...maybe next time I will never be a good speaker...I have such a low confidence...but I know I'm contradicting it...how can a low confidence dare to go express my love to the person I like and go up and give him presents and even go and ask for his HP no....I think it really ridicule me alot too...guess what...yesterday I browse through Friendster and I found his account...initially I really could not believe it...but as I get into his profile...I could confirm that it is his...I even added him in my friendster...but he had yet to approved me...oh...is he gonna reject me??No bar...but I'm really very excited over he having friendster...I think that he had changed alot....he has become more socialise....but I know his temper is still there...hmm...today after skool...I went to bukit panjang plaza and I saw my friend there...quite shock...after that I go Lot 1 and find my the other friend...we went to walk in Lot 1...I went straight to Billabong and finding a shirt for him...but really cant find a suitable one for him...but it is alright....his birthday is around may...so I still have time to search for that special present....really very tired after all this walking....write again next time~!

Resolution 2005

Day by day...week by week...it seems to be passing so fast and now is already January...I still haven come up with my new year resolution...what I want to aim for this year....hmm...well...I hope that this new year I will work harder in my studies cos I really not good at studying...I also hope that I will change my introvert character to a more extrovert character....because I really want to know more friends around me and to speak up more...I also hope that he will lead the live he wants and that he will always stay that handsome and healthy....and may he get his desired happiness...and as for my friends..I also hope that they got their desired happiness and always ever cheerful to life....and for my family I hope peace may be with them...and as for my belief...I hope I will stay strong and persevere in whatever I believe....that should be my resolution of year 2005...it seems like more for the people around me than myself bar...hmm...but I really think that they happy then I will be happy....