Have been awhile since I last updated my blog.
EMO-NESS!~
Stressed up with project!
Can't wait till I finished my project!
Happy tots doesn't last...
Instead more disappointment...
My pride is obstructing..
My feelings are hurting..
Hate myself for being like this!
EMO-NESS is filling my life!
Opps! Going out for a movie break!
Had been long since I last watch a movie in the cinema...
A small break from today's hardwork on my project bar.
Fwighting when I come back later!
Brig! Aja Aja FWIGHTING!
Let not the weather be your mood forecast!!

Emo-ness since then...
Not sure what I really want...
For now..
No courage to really get what I want...
For fear of the hurt feeling...
Yet thoughts keep wandering..
Sometimes I ponder...
Why am I living in this world.
A world filled with disguise
Having hard time...
Learning to take things with stride..
Yet the pride is hindering..
At times when I believe those happy thoughts were true...
And yet it is always those that brought me to the lowest...
As the saying goes...
The higher the expectation, the higher one will fall when not met.
Perhaps, lowering expectation helps?
Not to pin on hopes that could never come true..
Not to depend on people other than me, myself and I..
Its been quite tiring...
With work, studies, projects, emo-nes...
Coping the gushing of emotions...
Ought to move on brig!
Fwighting!!

今天, 有很多很多的感伤.
忧郁着.
被人用冷眼对待,
很不是滋味.
一个人加班.
累了, 也没人理会.
饿了, 胃痛的毛病又犯了.
吃了一餐.
有些复杂的情绪.
不知是真是假.
也许会觉得我很随便,
很无所谓.
但我不想被这样对待,
不想只是个随手可拿的"便利贴"
心里真正要的我也不确定.
原本想忘掉的, 以为已经忘了.
现在却越来越明显.
高潮迭起的剧情
当自己处于某些情景时,
一时之间不知该如何反应.

心情日记.
回头想一想, 原来自己还是不懂得爱
是为彼此付出一切吗?
是当彼此的聆听者吗?
看了许多电视剧..
不同的爱情观..
不同的表爱方式..
"没关系"有表现"不在乎"的意思.
因为在乎彼此所以相爱
"没关系"这三个字, 不该在彼此沟通里出现.
别说你知道你不能给对方什么,
因为你是否曾经了解他真正的需要.
别说一切都是为我好,
因为我的好不是由你来决定.
想了想,
其实我知道自己自尊心满强的.
爱面子, 所以不会把事说出来.
默默的付出
也许你看不见.

从前从前, 有一个只会爱别人的女孩.
遇到喜欢的总是无条件付出.
即使自己不喜欢的事也都会为他做.
为了投其所好, 她很努力地想走进他的圈圈.
男孩虽然对他有意,但却无法给女孩她想要的情.
因为他害怕付出, 怕自己给不了女孩承诺.
男孩始终不明白, 其实女孩要的不是那所谓的山盟海誓,而是彼此的扶持.
幸福, 不需用山盟海誓来承诺.
只是在彼此需要时, 互相扶持, 照顾.
那简单的慰问, 也都会成为点点的小幸福.
男孩总觉得女孩心, 海底针.
其实, 女孩的心, 只不过需要一个能扶持, 聆听她心声的另一伴.
爱, 很难理解.
谁又能在爱情里, 理智的思考这一切呢?

5hrs of mugging in NLB
Manage to grab some references for 2 parts of the project.
Shall continue tmr at JE!
Aja Aja fwighting!!
Let not the emotions affect my studies!!
Last project and Im done with my degree course!
Fwightng Fwighting Fwighting!!!
Need to be more discipline!!
Till then lo...

It has been awhile since I last blog.
Many things had changed.
Whether its for the better?
Its not for me to judge,
Its for me to determine.
Fell sick the past few days
Realy sick.
Started to ponder abt things.
Wads impt to my life?
I couldnt get the ans.
After watching MM lee's speech to his late wife,
Was really touched by their undying love for each other.
The mutual support given.
The true love they had for each other.
Its really hard to find the other half with so much love for each other.
Seems like in the current society,
such undying love doesn't exist.
For the fear and selfish mind of into a r/s.
Fear of taking up responsibilities...
Guess its the trend in the current society.

Going to nlb...shall focus on my project just for today!!
Shoo shoo emo-ness..
It time for the brain to work instead of the heart!!
Koi is a must for my energy booster!!
And not forgetting my beloved tauhuay!!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

Opps. It has been awhile since I last blogged.
There are many changes happening.
And I shall believe its for the better.
Perhaps at this moment..
I would be more independent
Less disappointment.
More mature
Less reliance.
Though the period maybe tough
I believe I can tide through this myself!
Never underestimate Gerl Power~
Another week to go.
Though I will miss the people here.
I believe somewhere out there
Will be a better place for me.
Yawnz.
Tired lo...
Played tennis from 7-9pm and forgot about dinner today!!!
Its so so fun!!!
I shall do this every weekend!!!
My Slimming exercise!!!
Hoho.
Gotta go sleep lo...
Tmr have to wake up early for some checkup at Bugis!
Am gonna settle my Rocher TauHuay crave!!!
Nite peeps~

Blogging on the cab...
Have been thinking about things happening...
Work.
Its getting bad to worst.
The people, the morale....
Tsk....
Ponder about things....
Feel that whenever I need support or just a listening ear...
He is always not there....
Or he is more interested in sharing his topic.
Beginning to feel more of his self centeredness...
Less meet ups
Less sparks
Just like a skool mate....
We go skool together only...
He just so so busy with his packed social activities...
And Im just like a backup plan....
Maybe he dun mean it....
But at least this is what I feel!!!!!
Disapointment and disappointment....
Now I shall not pinned any hope from him...
Arghz.... just dun seem to feel tbe togetherness anymore...
Its like an uncommitted relationship..
Reaching office.... aja aja fighting!!!!

Blogging on the bus...
On the way to batam....
Yes!! Again!!!
It has been real long since i last blog...
Many things happened...
Many emotions came...
I tot abt alot of things...
Am I not good enough??
Why people always make use of me??
Why must I always 忍气吞声??
Feeling so demoralized, so depressed.
Tried to put in a little bit more effort to make things better..
He did put in effort...
But somehow I feel...
The way he treats me...
Less patience...
More temper...
It like Im always the one pissing him off...
Less meetups, yet quarrel every meet up..
Tried to suggest some activities...
But in the end Im always left alone.
Or I had some other activities..
Perhaps, im nt that important.
Perhaps, theres no more sparks.
Future, i dont seem to see..
Pesent, i cant seem to feel...
Past, i will never get it back..
Is the effort I put still nt enough???
Its something I need to ponder...
The lack of security and stability....
Career, income, achievements, studies...
When one is getting mature while the other is still stays childish n playful, how will things go??
I tok to family and friends..
Opinion given..
But i think maybe some additional effort from me can make things better
Yet no sign of improvement.
Is it me??
When it comes to the care and concern..
When I really need someone...
He is always nt there....
Be it having social gathering or work...
2 yrs. Things changed alot.
Envt changed. People changed.
Opps. Reaching harborfront!!!
Let those sorrows stay in sg!!
Batam here I come!!!

Ps: Never make empty promises when you can't fulfill. It makes people having high expectation which results in high disappointment.

能不能就这样忍着痛, 泪不掉...
能不能就这样不去想, 装不在乎...
如果我能...
也许会释怀这一切..
情绪化的我
越来越敏感...
或许我们都变了
你越来越不知道我要的是什么.
我越来越不知道我们算什么了.
也许也许....

Feeling abit restless.
Thinking abt alot of things..
Getting older...
And its time to make plans for future...
I thought through..
With all the questions in mind...
But dunno where to get the answer...
The future...
Includes career, studies, relationship.
CAREER.
Have the directions..
Currently moving towards it...
STUDIES.
Have a lil' hard time coping with work and studies.
RELATIONSHIP.
I dunno. Just feel very tired.

Yawnz. Gttg le~ Cya peeps~
Nitex

Bday week!
Thanks to Everyone!
Had a really great day!
Those surprises.
I really appreciate it!
Muackies and huggies!!!
Thanks for always standing by me and pulling me up when Im down.
Thanks for pampering me so much with all those surprises.
Love you all to bits!!!!
Long weekend! Batam trip coming tmr!
Excited!
Till den~

This week not a good week.
OT from Tues till Sat!
Good grief.
Pushing myself really hard not to think too much
Not to be so sensitive to words.
Perhaps some emotion management
What I can say is...
Things will never like before.
It take times to heal..
But never to its original.
I begin to feel so full of complaints!
Thanks to people who listen to all my complaints!
Thanks for those people who encouraged and motivate me.
Thanks to those people who don't appreciate me.
I learn to be careless of those.
Tough time for me.
Pushing myself hard at work. Yet unappreciated.
Let go my time for revision just for the OT.
Perhaps, people had taken granted of it.
To me, its really tiring.
Never slept well..
Having nightmares of RS often
Sub-consciously I dunno why Im doing this.
People say I'm poison by RS.
Lol.
Sleepy. Yawnz.
Can I have a dreamless night?
Just purely rest???
Till then peeps~
Lubs all to bits!

Just back from work.
Am super tired.
I asked for it!
Stayed OT for 3 consecutive days.
Volunteered.
Stupidity?
Agreed!
Would rather bury myself with work than stay at home think so much.
Seriously.
Faith is losing me...
My faith is just like mustard seed.
Tsk tsk.
Disappointment. Anger.
Mixed emotions.
Angry until i cried.

Wads up with this world???

Had exams yesterday.
Its super difficult!!
Never done before such a paper that can make me feel so demoralizing.
Tsk Tsk.
I had study hard.
Perhaps I was too bothered by work.
The past few weeks had been having nitemares about work stuff
I'm not sure how long I can endure
But I will strive harder
Have 1 more assignment to complete by this weekend
And thats the last assignment for the semester
Hopefully I can clear all the modules.
Tsk.
Being quite devasted and tired this few days.
By work and by studies.
Work I really put in alot of effort.
I tried my very best.
Stayed late for OTs to clear as much as possible.
People understand how I feel
And I'm really touched and thankful I had them!
My beloved colleagues! *Huggies*
My besties and bros! *Hugs hugs*
Thanks for being there for me!
Encouraging me.
I love you guys!'
I will work harder!
As for studies,
the many assignment with my OTs
somehow difficult to manage
And plus the exam I just had,
Din had enough time to prepare.
Hopefully I could pass the exam.
Aja Aja FIGHTING!
Tsk Tsk.
I do feel sad about something.
When I need someone,
He is not the person that gib me the comfort.
Perhaps, ever since the last quarrel
Things had changed.
I feel that we are more of classmate than anymore.
I tried.
But maybe I'm not that important anymore.
I know he tried.
But perhaps he din realise.
He neglect me.
Rather spend time with colleagues than me.
Somehow I feel...
Things are not getting right...
Shooo away those negative tots!
Aja aja fighting for this last assignment!!!!

Today is the start of the change.
But didn't expect it to be so much different.
Being bossed by people to do things
which I hated.
That attitude came in.
I tried to tame it.
Emotion Management!
Never allow people to INFLUENCE YOU!!
I hid it.
I stayed late.
Just wanted to put in more effort into clearing the backlogs and all.
Perhaps I say..
Buried my sorrows with work since someone decided to do something else though the plan of revising we agreed before.
I feel depressed.
In a very low spirit.
Feeling like no one understand the emotions I'm having
Sometimes I feel
Does all these things I do is nothing to them?
Is my productivity not high enough?
Or Im just so not competent enough?

Can life be a bit Simpler?

At this point of life
Its time for some reflections
Have been feeling rather sad though
The hard work put in
Perhaps unseened
But to me I feel...
Effort you put in is not something needs to be rave on
Its the sense of achievement and satisfaction
Its all about doing your job
Satisfaction & motivation, I got it not from the management
Lately, I got it from customers
I feel they appreciate me more with the effort I put in to assist them.
And that kind of satisfaction at this point of time
did make me feel slightly better
Not that I'm really bothered about it
Just feel that am I not that good
Did I not put enough effort??
Feeling abit unappreciated.
Alot of people talked to me about it...
I understand, I try not to let emotions out
Perhaps I'm not that capable for it?
But really feel comforting talking to them
At least in the eyes of people whom I talk to
They appreciate my effort and hard work
Love them to bits!!!
Thanks guys for everything!
Tomorrow will be a better day!
Hopefully!

以为可以很洒脱
不顾一切转身就走
没想过也会难过
自己不说但被看透

"心"已被泪水淹没

有时候想想, 停下脚步看看身边的美景.
不难发现, 即使只是个日落也能让人感动.
因为脚步太频繁了, 所以忽略了小小美丽的事物.
太多烦恼时, 看看那风景, 到海边吹吹风, 能使自己更坦然的面对与思考.

偶尔也该放下一些不必要的包袱, 自在的放个假!

好想放个长假喔~ 但是有好多好多的功课,工作要忙.

All fairytales have their own stories.
Cinderella walked on glass
Sleeping beauty let a lifetime pass
Belle fall in love with Beast
Jasmine choose a poor man
Ariel spend her life on land

Its all about smiles and tears
♥Love is about facing your biggest fear

一个人, 也许会感到寂寞, 但依然能活的精彩.

两个人, 也许有着依赖的肩膀, 但它能靠多久呢?

一个人, 能自己决定要走的方向, 后悔也至少有为自己努力过.

两个人, 能手牵手一起向往幸福走,那尽头也只有伤悲

到底一个人活的精彩还是两个人有甜蜜有伤悲好呢?

有时候, 我在想当初不就已习惯一个人, 开开心心的过不就好了.
现在两个人, 就只会依赖着对方.
爱情开始的时候, 有些甜蜜, 感动.
是因为一头热吗?? 所以把自己硬塞进爱情里.
其实自己也未必真的喜欢对方.
只是一时的感动吧.
但终究的结局还是痛苦, 悲伤的.
想要从中解脱也很难, 很辛苦.
因为自己已经习惯依赖着对方.
所以也只能慢慢的抽离...
===================================
人与人之间, 不就应该好好的对待彼此吗?
为什么能忽然说对我好, 会觉得不舒服?
你给的理由我不明白...
但我会觉得难过, 会觉得是不是我没有好好对待你.

想说心事的人...
都已远远的离开我...
一切的苦水也只能往肚里吞...
但我还是要谢谢你们曾经听我诉苦...

Reflecting...

Its really hard to please everyone.



不要因为我什么都不说

就以为我不在乎...

我哭了...

是因为太在乎了吗?

有时候真的很想释怀这一切...

现在相通了许多

也许是我太固执了...

最近发现身边的人变了...
是不是自己开始从另一个角度去看东西所以才发现它不一样了呢?
正在看一本书 << 这样思考, 人生就不一样 >>.
有所领悟.
沉淀在心中的事物, 让人反复的思考着...
有时, 那所谓的烦恼是来自个人对待事物的观念所产生的...
有时, 类比法(Metaphors) 也会是解答未知问题呢..
思考, 能让人从中学习许多..
思考, 能让人从中反省自己的所为...
有深度的思考着, 才能让自己从中成长...
整理思考的过程,质比量还来的重要.

人总是在"以为"中徘徊....
直到最后才发现一切是无畏的等待...

© Brigitte Khoo Jie Bin

A moment of thought...

I'm not sure what the things I had done is right or wrong
I'm not sure whether whatever I said had hurt anyone or myself
I'm not sure how my future will be
I'm not sure where I will be at in the near future..

Life is so full of "I'm not sure"
And that to me is a great insecurity
I want my life to certain and just follow my way
The way I want it to be

But things change.
People change.
Society change
Even I change myself

But changing for the better its dependable on one's insight.

At times I feel that the things I do
It is due to my stubborness
As wad someone always hated this stubborn me
I'm rebelious in nature
The more you dare me for something
The more I want to oppose and prove it wrong.

I understand that this is really not doing any good when used at the wrong situation.
Perhaps I need to judge against the situation properly.

Just back from work...
Sneezing away....Making all the wantons now...
During the meeting...or I would say brainstorming session...
I think alot...
I observe and realise...
The changes is alot....
Isit the teamwork as what they had said??
No comments to it.
People change...
And thats how realistic and practical people are....
For the way people do & speak
Somehow I feel they are strangers...
Complete stranger....
Making me feel that I no longer know them...
Not what I previously know them as...
I felt sad about it...
But I sort it out...
That's life...
That's how realistic life is, how realistic humans are....
Perhaps this ugly side....
Is nothing but the truth...
Truth only reveals the unsightly....
Which makes me disgusted by it...
I shall keep everything to myself....
Just do my due diligence...
Fret not... I will not be like them...
I will still believe in myself...
And not be influence...
Even the ugly truth won't defeat my beliefs!
And when the time come...
I will be freed...
Somtimes I really want to be freed from working so hard..
Have been working so hard...
And yet felt so unappreciated...
Not sure what I am working hard for?
And is this what I want?

Never I want it this way....

Super no morale, no motivation....

Gotta catch some sleep... Have been working too much.... Wantons all over now...
Shall rest well... sleep those sick bug away!! Nitey all~

First day of work in this new year.

Tsk Tsk.
And 1 whole week of OT is waiting for me...
With the 2 days of meeting..
And clearing of backlogs...
Am tired
Sometime...really restless...
No motivation, no morale....
At times...
Feel like giving up...
Feel like dunno why am I working so hard...
Really...dunno for wad...

I better turn in early...
Hopefully things will get better~

Oh yar! 1 good thing to talk about! My first testimonial I gotten from customer! LOL.
It did make my day though... abit bar...

Till then.. Need rest....

Back from our camping~

Wohooo~ Had a great fun!
Back with all the SUN BURNS!!
Ouch Ouch!
Had countdown at East Coast Park!
Quite unique~
We went crabbing too..
Though there wasnt any...
Took alot of photos....
Wahaha!
The bbq was great!! Lol.

Tired...
Think we slept quite well on the first day cos we are really tired
Me, lubbie, sis and her bf... we all 4 were snoring away~
OMG!
wahaha.

Ouch Ouch! The pain from the sun burnt!!
So burning hot!
Wonder how am I going to survive!!
Lol.

Gotta go lo~
Having dinner with lubbie later~

Wishing all a happy new year~
Hopefully this new year is a GOOD one!!
And omg!! Im turning 24 this yr!!!! (oh nar....I'm always 18 yar?!)