Home Alone

Haiz...today really very tired...have been doing project presentation for both project...kinda tired...i dunno why i juz hate presentation so much...i kinda scared strict and stern teachers...but i can do well with those encouraging teachers...i tink the pressure really make me nervous...and i have been hating pressure...hhmmm...haiz...when alone really feel so abandon...so friendless...so lonely...so left out...so unloved...i really hate this kind of feeling...i feel that i am just a nothing in peoples' eyes...and is just a tool to make use of...i know i am fragile and easily bullied...but i have really tried to always put a brave front...suppressing a my saddness....hiding all my unhappiness...standing up for my belief...having my own stand....but i am just too influential...i am easily moved by people...my biggest weakness that some of you all may not know is that i am a crybaby...i cry easily...when someone is crying..my tears will somehow naturally come down...and to hold myself i would always need to have a sweet as i believe the sweetness can melt all those bitterness in me...Naive right....and this has been with me for so long....such a big girl having such a mindset....so ridiculous...haiz...haven i mature?? when will i mature??? i wanna be like those adults...having clear thoughts of what they are doing..and never regret their choices made...I really wanna make more friends....to let mature and open up easily so that i can stand in this society and fight for a place...but will i ever get to fight at the battlefield?? i really cant picture myself in that situation...haiz...whats my future??i am so lost...i wanna find my way to light...who can enlight me...I need it!!God please lead me the way...and i'll follow....*yawnz* abit tired liao..going to sleep le..tml got to go church and do charity work....better catch some sleep....blog nxt time yar....

Wa...today have tennis lesson again...today is definitely not my day...have clash with tennis ball?? i kena hit by jason and clifford ball lor...pain lehz...especially that jason was really hard...now got bruise at the leg...sobsob..my mother is gonna rub it!!haiz...today i din did well for the play...i was like loss of words...i forget all my scripts...and i was so freak off and very nervous...come to think about all the others play...i seemed to be the role winnie was playing...that inferior girl with some special significant in her...and so kept to herself...i am that!! i scared of friendship for i scared betrayal when i really treasure the friendship we had...there was once...i had a really very good friend...i always bear with her by all those betrayal...until one day i came to the light...i knew she is just using me on projects, helping her doing stuffs...i really scared that all things will just reoccur...and thats why i am so slow to open up with people around me...but once i assure myself that they are not like her...i will get very close to them...hmm...like that of stacy, wen,ling,mei,hui,ah boi,fen, we are so close that we have not even quarrel with each other before...especially with stacy...our 7 yrs of friendship...how times really fly...but it seems that i am getting inferior because i dont quite open up with friends and bad at expressing myself...often i really scared that they may misunderstood me...and "sorry" is a word i often used...not becos i am so insincere about the word...but is the fearing that there may be misunderstanding...maybe you can see i am too self conscious or sensitive....but i just dont wanna people misunderstood me...cos i only mean friendly...think i have a real big problem with communication...tts why i always get border line marks for written and oral communication???But i really like to talk alot...it is just that sometimes i am so afraid that i may say things at the wrong time...haiz..i wanna change this character of me that develops in me slowly from that of Sec 2 till now.....i think it is getting worse...oh my...think i need counselling...wahaha...autism?? think so lehz...so zi bi...aniway...i gonna be brave...get over all my shyness...blush all i want and get all presentations done well once and for all...i hope i can do that...i really let down phey wen.deeyana.wenquan.sisi...i did badly on the play...really sorrie lehz...haiz...i am not prone to this..i just get nervous and forget all my lines...really sorry...i really feel apologetic...this week i must dare myself to everything to prepare for this week ocom presentation...i want to let them see that side of me...not that quiet.shy and good for nothing ger...hope i can do it...tell you on wednesday on the result...heehee...but ms thea say our ocom test did quite badly...haiz...oh no....kk lar...blog nxt time...aniwae i seem to write alot liao...oppz...gotta do cip and ocom presentation slides....jiayou all~

My grandma.....

Depressed by things happening last few days...haven been at home for 4-5 days...cos i went to stay at my cousins' house...my grandma passed away on the 16 feb 2005..at a age of 73....really feel very sad...she dote me alot when I was young and now all those wonderful memories I had with her keep flashing in my head..and this makes me even unwilling to accept her death...today we cremenate her...I really cried alot...the whole ceremony is so sad and filled with tears...my tears kept rushing down like a running tap...and it doesnt stop till the end of the ceremony when my grandpa says that we must not cry anymore...but I really miss her...I haven yet been filial to her...I had only given her a hong bao last year which is the first time i start working and giving her allowance...to think...that shall also be the last time...the scene where our whole family gather aroound her bed and cried is really unforgetable...the eagerness for my sister to come to see her for the last time...and she really managed to persevere till my sister come and then she left...for now i only have regrets that i have not treasure her much...and guilt that i should have visit her in the morning since i dont have skool that day...i really miss her...i will pray for her that she will leave in peace and that i will be 'good girl'..do well in studies, listen to my parents...for all this promises i can only fulfilled...I will try my very best to do it...i understand that life is really unpredictable and i must really treasure all my closed ones...I know that death is a norm of the cycle of life...and i believe i will be able to accept it...all this is really a big hit to me...and i really scared i am unable to take it...i know life must go on...at this fragile point of my life...those support always stand by me...and i am really very thankful to them...really thanks for the shoulder that you really let me put away my brave front and really cry it out...i hope tomorrow wont be a difficult day in school...for my sadness i really cant control and that i dont wanna cry in front of my friends....

To grandma: I have yet to tell you this...you are the best grandma in the world...you take care of me since I was young...nurture me up to what I am now...you dote me and make me feel so pampered under your arms....I really have lots to say...but i am really bad at expressing it out...in my heart...I really hope to spend more time with you...chat with you...going out together...like those time we had when i was young...i know my tears are not able to express all my sadness for your leaving from my side...but deeply in my heart...you are that special grandma i will always keep in mind...I will go and visit you often...and when my exam result is out...i will definitely go there to tell you how i fare for my exam...all those time we spent i will keep it as an unforgettable memory...Last of all i wanna say:"Grandma, I really hate to leave you...I will miss you alot...you must rest in peace...I will listen to my parents...wont be disobedient le...(PoPo...wo hen xiang ni...)"

I am once again SAD

Today is valentine day...a sad day...cos someone break a news to me...he got gf which seems to be an ah lian...wa...that means he like ah lian type huh...ok...i have to say my devoteness have to end here...i admit defeat that my persevrance shall end here...but we are still friends...and thats a great thing...though really very sad..and dunno if i can get out of it...it is not that i am so despo for him or what...is that i have sunk so deep into it that i may not be able to get out of it...haiz...hope that time will heal everything...but like sam says...it doesnt work...juz like what i say in my the other blog it will only make you get use to the pain and not moving on...i wanna move on...he's just the one tree i see which i assume is the best once i step into the forest...but i have not seen that best tree in the forest...and i have no hurry to find that one...for i have my wonderful friends by my side..i really have to thank that someone who tell me about this...he made me come to sense...really thank you alot...cos i have no information about the inside...you have save me from that dreamland...that fantasy i used to naively believe in...hmm...later going catch movie with my friends....yipee..hope dey wont pang sei me wor....:P
Yesterday is Memory...Today is misery....Tomorrow is mystery....

Chinese New Year

Yohooo...Is Chinese New Year!!!Hmm...Now juz cum hme from those visit to my relative's hse..very tired...yesterday i 3 am sleep wor..den 8 am muz wake up for mass liao...now kinda sleepy and crappy here..haha...hmm...hope that this new year will be a better year for me and all...it seems not bad...my grandma is sort of getting better...at least now i can catch what she say now...which initially i din quite get what she says..really hope things will get better...haiz...my life really feels empty..really need a goal to move on...yea...gonna set one target of the year...hmm...things are getting to smooth...i really think alot this week...and really think too much...think of giving up on him but really...giving up really takes more courage than persevering...and i really dun have the courage...maybe i still believe that i still can take it...but i noe that i am really tired...it is so contradicting....but i still like him alot...he may not see all the post i wrote for him in my the other blog or even this blog...sumhow i feel better after writing all my feelings out...and i believe that i am not really good at expressing my feelings and i can only do it by all those words here...it may seems a little insincere...but this is the only way i can express myself best...hmm...i muz jia you...end here le..gotta go catch some sleep....update next time...

童话 -- 光良

忘了有多久
再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

To view the lyrics in chinese click encoding unicode...

Wanna Share another story of this song...as the story goes....
There is one singer who fall in love with this girl who believes in fairy tale story and she have been always giving him advice on his new composition of the song for the concert...they have been very loving until the girl found out that she has contracted cancer... and her thoughts went wild...thinking that he cant be the prince of her story...for the ending of her story is not happily ever after...hence she cried and say that fairy tale stories are a pack of lies...but the guy gives her support and assure her that their ending will be like that of the fairy tale living happily ever after...One day..the girl hospitalised and he feels very depressed...but for her..he decided to work hard on his composition of the song he wanted to present...on the day of the concert...he went to the hospital...giving her a handphone...kissed her on the forehead and left for the concert...at that part when he sings that song specially dedicated to her...he called her...leaving his handphone on the piano...he sang and played on the piano emotionally....at the end of the whole song...the girl cried...and left.......

Try this!!

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?
Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others.Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

Hmm..quite true lehz...go try this...

你好就好 - 霍建华

你好就好 - 霍建华

看见你聊到了他 而微笑
我心里那点遗憾 不见了
你的最後选择是谁
忽然之间这个答案 已似乎 不重要
我肩膀永远等著 你依靠
但是我更不希望 你受困扰
我把时间对摺一遍 从前未来唯一重叠
要你很幸福 这心愿不动摇

只要你好就好 你好就好
其他的我不计较
就算我会烦恼 就算我会焦躁
就算我会被忘掉
你好就好 你好就好 (要过得比我好)
我的爱没有句号
像过去那样做到 对你的付出坚持不肯少

Click encoding unicode to view the chinese lyrics...

I like to share this lyrics with all peeps out there...the lyric is really very touching which says that a guy loves a ger...and wanting her to have happiness...so he let her go and pursue her desired happiness...deep inside the guy's heart he still love her..and really cant bear to see her leave him...if she needs a shoulder or support...he will always be there like what he did previously...and his perseverance will never be lesser than before...
very touching hor....