Home Alone

Haiz...today really very tired...have been doing project presentation for both project...kinda tired...i dunno why i juz hate presentation so much...i kinda scared strict and stern teachers...but i can do well with those encouraging teachers...i tink the pressure really make me nervous...and i have been hating pressure...hhmmm...haiz...when alone really feel so abandon...so friendless...so lonely...so left out...so unloved...i really hate this kind of feeling...i feel that i am just a nothing in peoples' eyes...and is just a tool to make use of...i know i am fragile and easily bullied...but i have really tried to always put a brave front...suppressing a my saddness....hiding all my unhappiness...standing up for my belief...having my own stand....but i am just too influential...i am easily moved by people...my biggest weakness that some of you all may not know is that i am a crybaby...i cry easily...when someone is crying..my tears will somehow naturally come down...and to hold myself i would always need to have a sweet as i believe the sweetness can melt all those bitterness in me...Naive right....and this has been with me for so long....such a big girl having such a mindset....so ridiculous...haiz...haven i mature?? when will i mature??? i wanna be like those adults...having clear thoughts of what they are doing..and never regret their choices made...I really wanna make more friends....to let mature and open up easily so that i can stand in this society and fight for a place...but will i ever get to fight at the battlefield?? i really cant picture myself in that situation...haiz...whats my future??i am so lost...i wanna find my way to light...who can enlight me...I need it!!God please lead me the way...and i'll follow....*yawnz* abit tired liao..going to sleep le..tml got to go church and do charity work....better catch some sleep....blog nxt time yar....