My grandma.....

Depressed by things happening last few days...haven been at home for 4-5 days...cos i went to stay at my cousins' house...my grandma passed away on the 16 feb 2005..at a age of 73....really feel very sad...she dote me alot when I was young and now all those wonderful memories I had with her keep flashing in my head..and this makes me even unwilling to accept her death...today we cremenate her...I really cried alot...the whole ceremony is so sad and filled with tears...my tears kept rushing down like a running tap...and it doesnt stop till the end of the ceremony when my grandpa says that we must not cry anymore...but I really miss her...I haven yet been filial to her...I had only given her a hong bao last year which is the first time i start working and giving her allowance...to think...that shall also be the last time...the scene where our whole family gather aroound her bed and cried is really unforgetable...the eagerness for my sister to come to see her for the last time...and she really managed to persevere till my sister come and then she left...for now i only have regrets that i have not treasure her much...and guilt that i should have visit her in the morning since i dont have skool that day...i really miss her...i will pray for her that she will leave in peace and that i will be 'good girl'..do well in studies, listen to my parents...for all this promises i can only fulfilled...I will try my very best to do it...i understand that life is really unpredictable and i must really treasure all my closed ones...I know that death is a norm of the cycle of life...and i believe i will be able to accept it...all this is really a big hit to me...and i really scared i am unable to take it...i know life must go on...at this fragile point of my life...those support always stand by me...and i am really very thankful to them...really thanks for the shoulder that you really let me put away my brave front and really cry it out...i hope tomorrow wont be a difficult day in school...for my sadness i really cant control and that i dont wanna cry in front of my friends....

To grandma: I have yet to tell you this...you are the best grandma in the world...you take care of me since I was young...nurture me up to what I am now...you dote me and make me feel so pampered under your arms....I really have lots to say...but i am really bad at expressing it out...in my heart...I really hope to spend more time with you...chat with you...going out together...like those time we had when i was young...i know my tears are not able to express all my sadness for your leaving from my side...but deeply in my heart...you are that special grandma i will always keep in mind...I will go and visit you often...and when my exam result is out...i will definitely go there to tell you how i fare for my exam...all those time we spent i will keep it as an unforgettable memory...Last of all i wanna say:"Grandma, I really hate to leave you...I will miss you alot...you must rest in peace...I will listen to my parents...wont be disobedient le...(PoPo...wo hen xiang ni...)"