bAoc is SOOOOOO FUN!!!

Yipee...we today almost finish that bee flag...Omg....the flag is so nice...I promise we will definitely get the best flag....its just so cute...haha...so nice...i'm loving it....heehee....this few days had been always going for bAoc thingy...and i am so high...cos bAoc is just so fun...playing all those mind games...and got to know that i am so slow...haha...but we did solve alll those quiz wor...heehee....Bonding is fun..Got to know more friends there...and our NCOs are just so funny...really cant stop laughing...love bAoc to bits...cos there is where i get those laughter...Yea...we are about to finish our flag...and the moo...its soon to be done....Super high now....just cant wait to finish them...cos it will definitely be so nice...yippee...haha...opps...loss control...that enthusiastic part of me owas cum out late at night...thats my life...so now really cant sleep...oh my...hmmm...nowadays feel so high..."infected" by bAoc and joc and eve....haha...think the last time i feel so high is the dunearn campfire...haha...i am not quiet sort one...haha...just that my enthusiasm cums in the night...opps..thats why my post is ever so long....heehee...sorrie to make you all see so much words...wanna share another story....there is a ger who have been secretly in love with a boy...by chance her friends knows him...and they got to play basketball together...and they get to talk...one fine day...the ger realised that her cca has a combined camp which the boy will be oso going...she feel so excited...on the first day of camp...after the bath...he walked past her..feeling cold...then the ger give her jacket to him...and she shiver for the whole night....throughout the camp...after the camp...they did not go home right after..instead they meet up with some of their basketball mates for a basketball game...after the game the boy sent her home...after that rumours came about that the ger likes her...one day...as he borrow her textbook...returning it to her..he slip a piece of paper in the book....written: do you like me?...wad a poor start up...and during recess he came up to the ger and ask for the answer...blushed...the ger tell him her feelings...and they were together...but it does not last long...as they were still at a young age...the ger decided that they should focus on their studies...and she gave him her first kiss and left him...she did not tell him why she left him...fifty years later they met at the basketball court...they both had married...the ger still have feelings for him...and she decided to be with him...and after consulting their the other party...they went abroad and lead the life they had wanted fifty years ago...i really feel very touched inside...the ger's first love is so deep...and till old age she still remember him and all those memories they had shared...this is a real story shared by my friend's grandma...the ending abit like that of SHE-I Love You 's mtv....its just so touching....Love really does wonders.... stop here le...too long a post...can read until sleep de...haha....

Thoughts...

hmm...today still the same...go to skool den go home...very envy cm leh...he get to work at techpoint for 2 days so sian mu...i also wanna work...he some more aggitate me...say he saw him early in the morning...when my handphone beep..i really thought is he reply my message leh...den see his message...pengz...den go back to sleep...haha...if is he reply i sure be very awake de...opps...later kena scold...heehee....oh yar...should ask cm to help me ask when his bdae...he still dun wanna tell me when his bdae leh...friendster oso cannot check wor...haiz...i only wanna give him another bdae present to him mar...wa..to think...i like him for about a year and a half le...oh my...abit ridiculous for a girl to do that lor...but i think i am the devoted kind bar...still am clear minded that all this is just one sided feelings lor...till now still think of him...haiz...but i really miss him wor...hmm...to think huh...last time really didnt accept the sum1...den still accept his gift..but is like he insist that i must take it de...oh my....and this is happening to me...i give him present and he just accept...is this call retribution...treating sumone who like you like that then the sumone who you like will treat you like that?? Seems true....but what i give him is not sumthing that contains all my hardwork...all those effort i put to make the cookies...and the decoration of the whole thing...its actually the thoughts that counts...but why doesnt it touches him a little...or maybe he could at least reply me and tell me that the cookies is nice...but i know he is not that sort that will say it out...haha...he is just those very dao kinda person...think he very attractive...or maybe should say i am attracted to those type of guys?? maybe is his unique looks( think abit like jay chou wor...eyes very small(single eye lid de)...styled hair...broad shouldered..actually is a typical ah beng lor...heehee）oh my..so long nv see him le lor...last time i see him should be christmas lor...went back give him present...become even shuai...dye hair more style...heehee...think i m so over him...oh my...abit like despo sia...hmm...this hols abit bored wor...no work..no money...so no life...cos cant spend as and when i like...but i can tell you this...bAoc is fun lor...i am just loving it....heehee...really had fun making the flag....yipee...really had fun with the crazy SCOs...and my friends...gttg liao...blog another time le....

PS: If she loves you more then I do...I will love you even more...so that she will loves you more....

© Brigitte Khoo Jie Bin

sick...

Result is out...think did badly leh...haiz...today actually decided to go pasir ris with them de...cos think is bonding mar...den stay at home also nothing to do...but who knows...yesterday i got fever...den i really hope today can recover de...but even higher leh...so sian now...today have to eat all those medicine...including cough...den my family eat all those nice food...den i can only eat macaroni stuff...is torturing!! haiz...hope can recover soon...den tml we can start again doing our flag...hope mummy letting me out tml..heehee...i wanna go out too...go Kbox..go sentosa..go shopping..haiz...getting real bored at home...should i sneak out of the house and join them for the SB gathering...really feel like doing that..can i??hmm...gttg liao..blog next time bar...dun like feeling sick...sianz....

My Story

Yea...We are going to complete the thistle flag...is the picture that i posted..bear that in mind...that is not pineapple...is THISTLE!!haha...is the scottish flower..hmm...really fickled minded me...initially dun wanna go for that interview le..but then my friend keep telling me to go...dunno whether tml wanna go or not leh...if dun go mum sure nag...stay at home do nothing dun go out find job n earn money back...hmm...but the working hour too long le...den i have to always go back skool for cca too...but no money!!OMG!!how shall i decide...i really need money...i wanna buy shoes,clothes,birthday presents,all stuffs...but no money...maybe i should consider that job??haiz...really fickled minded me!!maybe go and try...if dun like den quit after 5 days and get the pay??humph...irritating myself with stupid decision making...toss a coin and decide my fate??NVM..think see how's my mood...if i have good mood tml maybe try going..no harm trying mar...den sfter that still have to go marketing too...need to buy food to cook for dinner...haiz...so sian...nothing much happen to my boring life...haven been knowing new friends...is like should get closer to the society..know more people out there...not that i dun like my old friends hor..i treasure every friend i have...:P hmm...recently heard a story...got one girl and boy...they fell in love at a very young age...both are each ones' first love...but eventually break up due to some reasons by the female party....after 6 years, they met again...the feeling they had 6 years ago came back...but both of them are too stubborn...they dun wanna express their feelings for each other and keep suppressing their feelings towards each other...when they were both on the MSN..they very much hope to msg each other...but din have the courage...one day..they meet in IRC..where dey do not know each other identity...they say out their feelings...but they din realise the other party real identity...they always meet up in IRC and talk about their inner feelings they had each day...Finally...they decided to met up..when they meet up...they were shocked to see each other...they sat down and chat like there is an everlasting topic to talk on...in the end...they are together again....after i heard this story..i really believe that when love comes...you really cant escape...its all fated..if you are fated to be with him...though it takes a big round...you will still end up with him...this story is real touching...its a real pure first love... so drama...but will that happen in real life??Revival of old relationship works??But i really envy the girl..her first love is her last love...but my first love??really very envy those who have such a romantic love story...really too drama or shall i say too meng huan(梦幻) to believe that such thing even exist...this post sure a long one...stop here le...dunno tml wanna go or not leh...kkiez..blog again next time...

Campfire Rulex~!

Hey..Yesterday din get to blog...cos too tired le...so high yesterday...their campfire really good wor...so high tech leh...the video really very professional...i hope our campfire can be like that...haha...oh yar..yesterday actually did see my friend...haha..but din get to catch up with him...cos think he too busy handling his junior...haha..naughty bunch of kids...:P really very long never catch up with my guides and scouts friend le...haha..most of them go army le...den sum got girlfriend no time for gathering lor...how sad....last time we usually meet after our own troop finish our dinner or maybe considered as supper...den we go outside mac and chat den know new friends from there...haha...this is how we get to know the names of the guys we aimed during campfire...haha...den after that go home check friendster...oh...i really miss those days...but i have to say lar....i m not despo lar...just see the guys very cute only hor...but now like we dun get to even see each other that often le...so cant noe anything le...haha...they invite scouts from quite far wor...hougang sec they invite...and yar got one of their senior quite cute...omg!! hmm...is he that one we see at monfort sec de campfire...dat guy that play the guitar...really cute wor...haha..but think is different person bar...cos different though same district...heehee...so high yesterday....i just love guiding!!heehee...think tml im going to skool...dun feel like going for the interview liao...go alone really very sian leh....den work der alone more sian...dey sae der mostly aunties de...but think maybe they are now recruiting students??haha...aniwae im not going for the interview tml lor...wanna go for bAoc...its fun doing the flag...really looking forward doing that scottish bull...it will definitely shone out from the other group...cos our flag got that X- factor....heehee...abit boosting own group huh...gotta stop here le...spyware made me mad!!cant clear dem off leh....gttg liao..blog next time... let you peeps take a look at our masterpiece of one of the flag....heehee....

Hols is here...what am i doing??

It seems like I haven been blogging often...days are getting bored for the hols...cant find job...everyday go out with friends until no money le..oh no...haha...but i still enjoy every moment with them...(heehee:P) initially pinning quite high hope that i can go back and work de...but think impossible liao...abit sad but its alrite bar...think i should not go back der work bar...later very paiseh...haiz...contradicting lor...deep inside i really want to go back de... really "kou shi xin fei"..think i am such a person bar...especially towards BGR...cos I dun really dare to accept or even express my feelings...maybe i scared of getting hurt again or maybe i m just too protective...I really dunno....i admit defeat in such thing...oh yea...im very excited now...tml got campfire...is DUNEARN campfire!!OMG..i am soooo excited...have been looking forward to their campfire...cos theirs is held once in every 4 years...and the scouts!!haha....so excited now...getting high this few days because of the campfire...heehee...so long nv go campfire le...i so miss those days where we go for campfire and being so high...shouting at the loudest voice...combing at the cutest guy...haha...(not me only hor**) its so fun...im loving it lor...that part makes my life more filled with high spirits...OMG....I just LOVE Guiding....its part of me le...now hols liao...should go back more often...cos last sem din really get the chance to go back due to time table...yippeee...im so high...opps...gotta stop here le...gotta go skool for bAoc thingy...blog next time bar...will blog on sat...i m so excited....:P

Hols...no job??

So long nv blog le...haiz...still cant find job...i cant slack this hols..really need money for some spending plan...hope i can get it by next week...this hols too much things need to do...then i think alot too...i begin to miss him again...oh...the feeling just from nowhere appeared...is like everyday i still msg him which i din stop doing...and everyday check up his friendster account hoping that he would update his info or maybe add his own pics...haiz...all those BGR thingy...i thought i had already gotten over..then i read through my previous journal...all those feelings have always in my heart...its just that all those talks make me hide this feeling i had and pretend i had gotten over...but i m still clinching on the last hope...hoping that things may change for the better..."life is never smooth sailing...there are ups and downs dat make it a life...and if you dun face all those..you would never find the meaning of life" this is wad i interpret from today's gospel...whenever there is a fall..i must bravely face it...persevere may be a way but it may never always solve it...and thus only giving up will allow you to grow....from then i will become stronger and know what is the meaning of life...After listen his speech...really think its so full of logic...if i could do this...i wouldnt be so in pain now...to take this great step really need alot of courage...say is always ever easy than doing it...i just cant practise what i preaching...hmm....think one day i can make it...this kind of thing i think really need time to do it...hols is here...and haven been doing things that are meaningful...always go shop for things...stay at home play laptop until now almost going to crash liao...its like so many spyware...skool reopen den go skool for maintenance...oh yar tml need to go skool for the baoc thingy so excited...but i dunno must do what leh...:P heehee...gotta end here le...blog next time...

Wedding bell rings...not mine!!

Wow...today very tired wor...morning must wake up early to attend my cousin's wedding...very grand leh!!is not like the norm practise where we had dinner..instead we have lunch, church ceremoney, signing of certificate of marriage at a hotel...the food is really nice and i had white wine and red wine...really nice servers at the banquet...haha...now thinking when i married that time must be even more grand than this....haha...think so far liao...no bf yet how can married...haha...see people wear wedding gown so beautiful...so envy wor...*think too much liao...after the whole thing finish we went shopping at suntec city...my poor leg very pain leh...cos wearing high heels...the first time i wear such high de heels lor...so not use to it...haha...then went to granndpa's house..help out for the ceremony on tuesday...then i feel very bad...i promise stacy to go celebrate pangyi's bdae...but i have to go grandpa's hse...stacy...really sorrie leh...wanna also wish pangyi HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! really sorrie i cant make it on that day wor...hope you wun mind...i also have to apologise to jenna n pw...cos i promise them tml we go out de...but i have to go to my grandpa hse and help out...sorrie...i really feel apologetic....pang sei my friends....really sorrie...i really cannot make it...SORRIE..erm..i have to end off...really kinda tired liao...

Life...So many ups and Downs...

Yipee...Exams are over...stress release today~! I went to town...go for window shopping cos no money le..gotta find job soon...haha..saw alot of things i want to buy...exams really make me mad....i just cant stand that pressure...all those questions of all modules are just so difficult..besides i am not those studious person...i just cant exam..there is limit to my brains...Argh...forget it...all this over and i must enjoy my hols..maybe do something to break through the norms...like??haha...oh yar..his birthday is coming up soon...haha..still thinking of him...really cant help it leh...he may not have good temper and nice words dont often come out from his mouth..but that only good point covers all which his hardworkingness...the determine to put in effort when doing things...aiyo...over so long still think about him...haiz...now have to solve all problems not solved during the exam period...that friend( i still consider her as a friend but i noe she does not) i really wanna say thousands and millions of apology...I really dint mean to do things that sour our friendship...and that sudden change that you ignored me really make me feel very lonely and that how much you mean to me...I really feel apologetic...you may think i am not sincere enough as i just wrote it down here and din express it out to you in person...but i really bad at expressing it out...i dunno if you will still be bothered to read my blog..but i really hope we can like before...talk like usual and not avoiding me...i really tried to strike conversation with you but as you noe i am just that quiet sort...haiz...i just wanna say "I REALLY TREASURE YOU...WITHOUT YOU, MY LIFE SEEMS SO EMPTY!!CAN WE BE LIKE BEFORE?? FULFILLING OUR 'FRIENDS FOREVER' PROMISE THAT WE HAVE GIVEN FOR EACH OTHER." sometimes i really wonder why am such a person...am i really that bad...why friends are moving far from me?? did i change or is that i think too much...but i somehow feel the gap between all my friends...isit that i din make time for them?? but i always stay in touch though we din get to see each other...am i not fit to be someone's friend?? WHO AM I?? Why am I so lost as in to define one as a friend...they seem to be taking me for granted and after making full use of me ditch me aside...ignore me...haiz...friendship really hard to find one that is true to you and never abandon you....Life.I haven seen enough for there are more beyond what I see...more beyond the boundaryless sky where endless situations does happen...That is LIFE~!

Better Day

Just finish the last lesson of tennis...oh..i will miss tennis lesson alot...the fun we had...though i arent really gd at it...haha...exam is coming up and haven study yet...omg...the OB seems to be a whole lot chunk that I need to memorise...oh no...this week study break...i will miss TB25!! heehee..now abit tired...hmm...today turns out to be a not bad day...heehee...everything went smoothly...no sad feelings...but still can feel that loneliness in me...is like whenever i go home...i feel the emptiness in me...as though i am just an empty shell living in this world...i dunno how to describe it...but i am going to get rid of it...haha...think i have to really think over all my bad points of being straight forward...blurbing out whatever in mind...never consider others feelings...being such a fake person...act innocent....all these are my weak points....and i really wanna change...its not because i want to please anybody...i just feel i am bad in being that way...this shall be one of my resolution for the year...gttg liao...going to join my cousins at my aunt's place...heehee...blog another time~!haha..Should be after exam...Lucks be with all you peeps der~!

Miss Miss Miss

Wa...yesterday the campfire really very disappointed wor...the npcc tcher really too much...initially the whole campfire thing should be organise by guides and st john only...and they only in charge of the logistic part...sad to say..there was a huge rain...therefore campfire must be held indoor...when it is time for the campfire...there is no rain...and the tcher insisted in having it outdoor as her npcc cadets have soak the firewood...after that all cca members started to carry benches and place it all over the carpark...not only that..the tcher even ask her cadets to carry benches made of wood..the bench will rot due to the wetness de...yet she reply such benches are meant for wear and tear... the whole thing was so chaotic...the worst thing comes...as there is nothing we can do...we stand aside from the chaos...and the npcc tcher came and ask us where we wanna seat...in a pissed off manner...and one of our sir reply nicely that she could make the decision bcos she is in charge of it...den she say dun tok to me in that manner...at that point...i really pissed off...is like she is abusing her authority...ok should stop here about that teacher...think she dont really mean anything bad bar...today went to dye my hair...but think not really nice...haiz...today kena treat like maid...help people do things and serve them at their mahjong table...wa...maid oso got pay lor...worse thing is that i really feel being ordered lor...like i am the maid...really feel bad lehz...what they take me as...at least not to ask me do things in that order tone bar...just got home from there...looking forward to the new week...today i dream something....i dreamt that my gandma came back...and she tell me must be good girl...must study hard...and all stuff..after i woke up and i really cry hard...i really miss grandma alot...and she came to my dream....i should have tell her hw much i miss her!!haiz... i believe she knows how much i miss her...tts y she come to my dream...sobsob....really miss her lots...hmm...gotta go sleep le...tml still got ob lecture to attend...hope tml will be another better day....blog another day bar....

a better day...

Today we had bstats test...i think i may fail...the test really very difficult to me...i dint even understand any bit of the whole module...haiz...nvm...i just not that studious...its friday and there is tennis...really very tiring..after that went to library revise but nothing goes inside the head...then fallen asleep there..really too tired after the tennis...today so tired...eyes are now half open...tomorrow going back to sec school again..and i am so excited about it...cos tomorrow got campfire...and such thing is like so my favourite time during all my sec sch life...through campfires from other schools...i met alot of friends...be it guides or scouts...it is really hard to meet people in life...and meeting them is of great pleasure...so long never go for campfires...i miss those days...haven been knowing new fellow guides and scouts from other schools....always have things from poly...i am so excited about the campfire tomorrow...i just like those fun...i never had those long ago...and that side of me just fade away as i dun have the fun in campfire...i just like the atmosphere of the campfire...where we gather together...be it to know each other more or to meet someone new...there is always a surprise in it....oh...but theres one thing which is a huge barrier for me going guides that is GARY!!! I dun wanna see him...he is just so bossy(should i say so??)..haiz...jio my sis go watch hitch on monday she ask me to treat her...gotta go sleep liao...yesterday din sleep well...better catch some sleep...tomorrow a long and funfilled day for me...looking forward...hope no disappointment from the juniors....blog next time~!

no gd...

Today after the extra micro lesson...I din eat with them...really feeling very sad today...den walk off just like that...cos i dun wanna dem see me in tears...I just miss my grandma....and that my friend seems to be very irritated by me...I know I wont be forgiven...and for now I have lost a friend...it really hurts in my heart...how am i going to face her...everytime i see her...she seems to be irritated..I went to collect my student card...den i went to westmall to walk walk...think alot...then went to get sumthing sweet..to get rid of those bitterness...thats my way to drown my sorrow....go to basketball court...and vent out all my sadness...feel better then went home sweating all over...haven been evercising much... so busy with all those school things and my own troubles...haven even start revising bstats...dun understand even a bit of it...haiz...nothing can be worse than this part of my life...feeling so hopeless..loneliness...unloved...misunderstood...backstabbed...regrets...helpless.... i just dunno why all this comes in at this part of my life...I wanna to face all these by myself...i wanna proof them wrong...i wont be that easily beaten by all those troubles coming after each one...I know that...cos all this while i have all those wonderful friends supporting me...thanks alot guys...I know i have to face it all...and only through all these..i will be mature...and that naive me will den grow...I wanna stand up from where i had fall and to bravely move on...guides camp is coming up this friday...i am sure to be there...my juniors i miss dem all...the newbies i am eager to meet...hope the camp can really get back my previous enthusiasm...i am looking forward to it...gttg liao..have to bath and help on the campfire thingy and prepare for tomorrow presentation...hope tomorrow will be a better day...blog another time...Juniors must jia you for the camp hor...

Ever since the last two weeks..she has been ignoring me...have i done something that make her irritated...i really dint noe...cos at that period of time...depression just suppress me down..i really dint mean to be doing the things that makes you angry...i know there is no excuse to all those...and i am really sorry to this friend...i really dunno how to express my feelings to her...all my apologies and sorries i wanna sae...i just cant express myself well...i so scared they may misinterpret leading to misunderstanding...i hope she could forgive me...i know forgiveness is never easy...but i really wanna say a million..a trillions..many zillions of sorries...i am so sorry...if you ever read my blog...can you forgive my sillyness? i know i must have made you very angry that you dont even wanna talk to me...haiz...i really treasure every friends i meet...i know it is hard to meet someone in life for it takes many lifetimes to meet every single person on earth...so i really dont wanna things to threaten our friendship...i am really sincere in solving it...Today...I just keep quiet...all the way...i thought about alot of things...during every blank period...really thought about preciousness of life and relationship among each other...just hope things will be going on fine....this year seems to be rather disasterous...only saddness, depression, disappointment, loneliness...i am feeling so lost...i just cant find my aim in life...as pheywen ask me what is my ambition...i initially thought of being a psychologist...but i cant even control my psychological feelings...how could i help others?? for now i am just taking walks and not knowing where to walk to...i feel that i am such a failure...that cheerful me is just gone in the wind when i do all these blogging...all this true feelings of mine seems to differ so much from the smiling me...i sumtimes think i had "Xin Ge Fen Lie"...

Today..seems not bad...saw the aloysious from PCK at the atrium( dunno what is his name)...he looks better than last time we saw him on bus...they say things about handling relationship upon studies...really very meaningful...but i din listen to all...cos i meet my friend to buy things from the bazaar...actually wana take student card but haven open..so i left..think only friday then i can take...just went to Shop N Save to buy things for tonight dinner...i had dine marketing since yesterday...oh my..i look so auntie...haha...last of all...really wanna apologise to her in person...but really dunno how to open to her...hope tomorrow i can do it...hope she wont feel irritated...i just somehow feel that she dislike me...but scared she will dislike me more when i apologise...HOW???hope tomorrow will be a better day...gotta go prepare for the presentation for ob....blog another time....

Today!

Today a better day...i am getting the cheerful mood in me...today quite tired after the tennis lesson...and i did something bad today...let wen quan go present by himself...i really feel bad...his friends even offer to help him take the paper and that makes me even worse...i really didnt mean not to offer my help...i know there is no excuse to my stupidity...i really feel apologetic...i did a bad thing today...really hope he will forgive me...really sorry....today went out with friends and after that go home...too tired....hmm...i am getting more cheerful...and i hope i can go on like that...i know it is tough for me...but i am sure i can do it...laughter can makes everything turn out good...that is what i believe...i know many changes are made and that i have to adapt to this new environment here...hmm...this part of my life is really so depressing....I had never been such depressed before...but all things have gone...i will just have to take it easy... for now focus on studies is important and nothing else....Let me stand up and fight for my future...no more sad things shall comes...only sweetness will be there...once again i need to thanks all those who have help me...all little effort or big big effort...they are all appreciated....and i am very thankful to all of you...just when i need you all...you all are there for me....thanks alot~!gttg liao..need to catch some sleep...abit tired....nitez...blog again nxt time...

Having do things at own will is one sided love....

Seeing only his good is admire...

Sacrifice everything for him is madly in love....

Having a rival is triangle love...

Having loss to the rival is out of love....

All this feelings i have tasted them...and it tastes just like tha loverfruit...so sour...so sweet...and so bitter....

Haiz...Today a real long day...study for the whole afternoon but nothing seems to get inside..the moment i enter the examination hall...my head becomes empty and i forgotten almost everything...really hope i can at least pass...but i doubt so....now is a big relief for me...finally the presentation was over....i think i did quite badly bar...but i think all my other classmates did really well...all their topics are interesting...but i stammer alot and seems not fluent...but i really put in my very best le....at that time of presentation...i just cant stop feeling nervous...anyway everything is over and i cant change the fact...today the test was really very difficult...maybe i didnt study much...all the questions really very tricky...aiyo...tink i have to really revise now...and i better start researching on stress management..if not last minute then i cant study for bstats...oh my...i dun even understand that whole chunk of it....by this week i better finish the research...hmm...this week seems alot better for me...i seems to be able to take things the way it is to be...and really sort out all those things...i know it is hard..just like the chinese word:"舍得" you really need to 'let it go' (舍)before you 'gain'(得) something...at this point of time...it makes me treasure every person i have by my side...and not taking things for granted...from now till forever...i will always treasure all my loved ones,friends,etc...for i dont want to regret...like what i am regretting now....but brooding over it wont do me any good..i am going to stand up and to try my best to fulfill what i promise her...for her...i will do my best...to make up for all those things i haven done for her....ok...i have to leave all those sad things behind and to continue life...my bubbly character is still in me...have been wearing white black or blue clothing for the past 2 weeks...now i know she is really gone...though the mourning shall stop...she will always live within my heart....hmm...tml still got S&W...and LMS...and it is entering weekend....i just love it!!heehee...i like weekends!! Gttg and do my research le....blog another time yar...important words to all my friends...really thank you...my gratitude for you all are undescrible...for those time you have stand by me...and help me through this tough time...and i am grateful to all....really thanks for the support....if not i would not be able to face things bravely....Thanks a million....

OCOM Freak~!!!!

Wa..today really abit tired..dunno why...and also very stress..tml got ocom presentation..i really hope i wun "Lian Lei" my group...I must really open up manz...today gonna gather all my courage i used to have...n have it all out at that critical moment...i really scared dey will laugh at me...oh my...i dun wanna blush in front of my class...never let them see that red red tomato on my face before....haha...later must really go practise man...yesterday my feelings really cannot control....and i really burst in tears...cos i really touch by all of you...i receive so much concern and care...but to tell you guys...i cried cos you all have touched me....deep inside my heart....you guys are really great...Thanks alot....i know i always hide my feelings in front of you guys...but you all visit my blog to know how's im feeling and even called me to take things easily...but really i dun mean to hide feelings...cos i scared i express my feelings wrongly...i am juz like a log...dunno how to express feelings out...haha..sounds like those guys....i only know how to write it all down...is this called autism( Zhi Bi Zhen)??i sometimes think that i really very "zhi Bi" leh...haiz....i need confidence...tml..i scared im going die in the ocom tutorial...i now really stress leh....sooo scared....do all those demo really very paiseh nei...wa...all the guys better dun laugh at me man...or else i will definitely keep to myself more lehz...i also have ego de mar...too straight forward i really cant take it lar...juz laugh at the humour part is alrite...but laugh at me...i feel hurt de wor....haha...i know they wun de lar...:P
opps...gotta go recite my script again...if not i will forget...kk..i blog tml to tell you how's tml presentation...wish me luck man....haha...

Home Alone

Haiz...today really very tired...have been doing project presentation for both project...kinda tired...i dunno why i juz hate presentation so much...i kinda scared strict and stern teachers...but i can do well with those encouraging teachers...i tink the pressure really make me nervous...and i have been hating pressure...hhmmm...haiz...when alone really feel so abandon...so friendless...so lonely...so left out...so unloved...i really hate this kind of feeling...i feel that i am just a nothing in peoples' eyes...and is just a tool to make use of...i know i am fragile and easily bullied...but i have really tried to always put a brave front...suppressing a my saddness....hiding all my unhappiness...standing up for my belief...having my own stand....but i am just too influential...i am easily moved by people...my biggest weakness that some of you all may not know is that i am a crybaby...i cry easily...when someone is crying..my tears will somehow naturally come down...and to hold myself i would always need to have a sweet as i believe the sweetness can melt all those bitterness in me...Naive right....and this has been with me for so long....such a big girl having such a mindset....so ridiculous...haiz...haven i mature?? when will i mature??? i wanna be like those adults...having clear thoughts of what they are doing..and never regret their choices made...I really wanna make more friends....to let mature and open up easily so that i can stand in this society and fight for a place...but will i ever get to fight at the battlefield?? i really cant picture myself in that situation...haiz...whats my future??i am so lost...i wanna find my way to light...who can enlight me...I need it!!God please lead me the way...and i'll follow....*yawnz* abit tired liao..going to sleep le..tml got to go church and do charity work....better catch some sleep....blog nxt time yar....

Wa...today have tennis lesson again...today is definitely not my day...have clash with tennis ball?? i kena hit by jason and clifford ball lor...pain lehz...especially that jason was really hard...now got bruise at the leg...sobsob..my mother is gonna rub it!!haiz...today i din did well for the play...i was like loss of words...i forget all my scripts...and i was so freak off and very nervous...come to think about all the others play...i seemed to be the role winnie was playing...that inferior girl with some special significant in her...and so kept to herself...i am that!! i scared of friendship for i scared betrayal when i really treasure the friendship we had...there was once...i had a really very good friend...i always bear with her by all those betrayal...until one day i came to the light...i knew she is just using me on projects, helping her doing stuffs...i really scared that all things will just reoccur...and thats why i am so slow to open up with people around me...but once i assure myself that they are not like her...i will get very close to them...hmm...like that of stacy, wen,ling,mei,hui,ah boi,fen, we are so close that we have not even quarrel with each other before...especially with stacy...our 7 yrs of friendship...how times really fly...but it seems that i am getting inferior because i dont quite open up with friends and bad at expressing myself...often i really scared that they may misunderstood me...and "sorry" is a word i often used...not becos i am so insincere about the word...but is the fearing that there may be misunderstanding...maybe you can see i am too self conscious or sensitive....but i just dont wanna people misunderstood me...cos i only mean friendly...think i have a real big problem with communication...tts why i always get border line marks for written and oral communication???But i really like to talk alot...it is just that sometimes i am so afraid that i may say things at the wrong time...haiz..i wanna change this character of me that develops in me slowly from that of Sec 2 till now.....i think it is getting worse...oh my...think i need counselling...wahaha...autism?? think so lehz...so zi bi...aniway...i gonna be brave...get over all my shyness...blush all i want and get all presentations done well once and for all...i hope i can do that...i really let down phey wen.deeyana.wenquan.sisi...i did badly on the play...really sorrie lehz...haiz...i am not prone to this..i just get nervous and forget all my lines...really sorry...i really feel apologetic...this week i must dare myself to everything to prepare for this week ocom presentation...i want to let them see that side of me...not that quiet.shy and good for nothing ger...hope i can do it...tell you on wednesday on the result...heehee...but ms thea say our ocom test did quite badly...haiz...oh no....kk lar...blog nxt time...aniwae i seem to write alot liao...oppz...gotta do cip and ocom presentation slides....jiayou all~

My grandma.....

Depressed by things happening last few days...haven been at home for 4-5 days...cos i went to stay at my cousins' house...my grandma passed away on the 16 feb 2005..at a age of 73....really feel very sad...she dote me alot when I was young and now all those wonderful memories I had with her keep flashing in my head..and this makes me even unwilling to accept her death...today we cremenate her...I really cried alot...the whole ceremony is so sad and filled with tears...my tears kept rushing down like a running tap...and it doesnt stop till the end of the ceremony when my grandpa says that we must not cry anymore...but I really miss her...I haven yet been filial to her...I had only given her a hong bao last year which is the first time i start working and giving her allowance...to think...that shall also be the last time...the scene where our whole family gather aroound her bed and cried is really unforgetable...the eagerness for my sister to come to see her for the last time...and she really managed to persevere till my sister come and then she left...for now i only have regrets that i have not treasure her much...and guilt that i should have visit her in the morning since i dont have skool that day...i really miss her...i will pray for her that she will leave in peace and that i will be 'good girl'..do well in studies, listen to my parents...for all this promises i can only fulfilled...I will try my very best to do it...i understand that life is really unpredictable and i must really treasure all my closed ones...I know that death is a norm of the cycle of life...and i believe i will be able to accept it...all this is really a big hit to me...and i really scared i am unable to take it...i know life must go on...at this fragile point of my life...those support always stand by me...and i am really very thankful to them...really thanks for the shoulder that you really let me put away my brave front and really cry it out...i hope tomorrow wont be a difficult day in school...for my sadness i really cant control and that i dont wanna cry in front of my friends....

To grandma: I have yet to tell you this...you are the best grandma in the world...you take care of me since I was young...nurture me up to what I am now...you dote me and make me feel so pampered under your arms....I really have lots to say...but i am really bad at expressing it out...in my heart...I really hope to spend more time with you...chat with you...going out together...like those time we had when i was young...i know my tears are not able to express all my sadness for your leaving from my side...but deeply in my heart...you are that special grandma i will always keep in mind...I will go and visit you often...and when my exam result is out...i will definitely go there to tell you how i fare for my exam...all those time we spent i will keep it as an unforgettable memory...Last of all i wanna say:"Grandma, I really hate to leave you...I will miss you alot...you must rest in peace...I will listen to my parents...wont be disobedient le...(PoPo...wo hen xiang ni...)"

I am once again SAD

Today is valentine day...a sad day...cos someone break a news to me...he got gf which seems to be an ah lian...wa...that means he like ah lian type huh...ok...i have to say my devoteness have to end here...i admit defeat that my persevrance shall end here...but we are still friends...and thats a great thing...though really very sad..and dunno if i can get out of it...it is not that i am so despo for him or what...is that i have sunk so deep into it that i may not be able to get out of it...haiz...hope that time will heal everything...but like sam says...it doesnt work...juz like what i say in my the other blog it will only make you get use to the pain and not moving on...i wanna move on...he's just the one tree i see which i assume is the best once i step into the forest...but i have not seen that best tree in the forest...and i have no hurry to find that one...for i have my wonderful friends by my side..i really have to thank that someone who tell me about this...he made me come to sense...really thank you alot...cos i have no information about the inside...you have save me from that dreamland...that fantasy i used to naively believe in...hmm...later going catch movie with my friends....yipee..hope dey wont pang sei me wor....:P
Yesterday is Memory...Today is misery....Tomorrow is mystery....

Chinese New Year

Yohooo...Is Chinese New Year!!!Hmm...Now juz cum hme from those visit to my relative's hse..very tired...yesterday i 3 am sleep wor..den 8 am muz wake up for mass liao...now kinda sleepy and crappy here..haha...hmm...hope that this new year will be a better year for me and all...it seems not bad...my grandma is sort of getting better...at least now i can catch what she say now...which initially i din quite get what she says..really hope things will get better...haiz...my life really feels empty..really need a goal to move on...yea...gonna set one target of the year...hmm...things are getting to smooth...i really think alot this week...and really think too much...think of giving up on him but really...giving up really takes more courage than persevering...and i really dun have the courage...maybe i still believe that i still can take it...but i noe that i am really tired...it is so contradicting....but i still like him alot...he may not see all the post i wrote for him in my the other blog or even this blog...sumhow i feel better after writing all my feelings out...and i believe that i am not really good at expressing my feelings and i can only do it by all those words here...it may seems a little insincere...but this is the only way i can express myself best...hmm...i muz jia you...end here le..gotta go catch some sleep....update next time...

童话 -- 光良

忘了有多久
再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

To view the lyrics in chinese click encoding unicode...

Wanna Share another story of this song...as the story goes....
There is one singer who fall in love with this girl who believes in fairy tale story and she have been always giving him advice on his new composition of the song for the concert...they have been very loving until the girl found out that she has contracted cancer... and her thoughts went wild...thinking that he cant be the prince of her story...for the ending of her story is not happily ever after...hence she cried and say that fairy tale stories are a pack of lies...but the guy gives her support and assure her that their ending will be like that of the fairy tale living happily ever after...One day..the girl hospitalised and he feels very depressed...but for her..he decided to work hard on his composition of the song he wanted to present...on the day of the concert...he went to the hospital...giving her a handphone...kissed her on the forehead and left for the concert...at that part when he sings that song specially dedicated to her...he called her...leaving his handphone on the piano...he sang and played on the piano emotionally....at the end of the whole song...the girl cried...and left.......

Try this!!

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?
Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others.Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

Hmm..quite true lehz...go try this...

你好就好 - 霍建华

你好就好 - 霍建华

看见你聊到了他 而微笑
我心里那点遗憾 不见了
你的最後选择是谁
忽然之间这个答案 已似乎 不重要
我肩膀永远等著 你依靠
但是我更不希望 你受困扰
我把时间对摺一遍 从前未来唯一重叠
要你很幸福 这心愿不动摇

只要你好就好 你好就好
其他的我不计较
就算我会烦恼 就算我会焦躁
就算我会被忘掉
你好就好 你好就好 (要过得比我好)
我的爱没有句号
像过去那样做到 对你的付出坚持不肯少

Click encoding unicode to view the chinese lyrics...

I like to share this lyrics with all peeps out there...the lyric is really very touching which says that a guy loves a ger...and wanting her to have happiness...so he let her go and pursue her desired happiness...deep inside the guy's heart he still love her..and really cant bear to see her leave him...if she needs a shoulder or support...he will always be there like what he did previously...and his perseverance will never be lesser than before...
very touching hor....

SAD!!!!!!!

Wa...Life is not for me...Why God always want to push me down hard at the peak of happiness...why cant happiness be sustained....yesterday my aunt and mum admitted hospital cos they got dengue fever...haiz...den today my grandpa also admitted to hospital and now I also dunno what happen to him...he have been like so healthy and hearty...why the sudden admission to the hospital...it seems like this month is really not my month...so many things happen...and when I just climb up from my fall...and I'm once again being pushed...why is God doing this to me...what I initially thought that things might get better for me just fade off...I wanna my mum, aunt and grandpa to get well....please!!!They are very dear to me...and I treasure the relationship I have with them... it really hurts me to see them lying at the bed of the hospital....everything seems to break my motivation to study....oh no...I cant do that...I must study real hard for this semester...Get good grades is my aim....but how...i'm really bad at studying...hmm...no matter what obstacles are in front of me..I'm sure I will be able to get over it....yes....I wanna be stronger than ever...to prove that I've grown up...and I'm kids no more....I must be independent....today really very tired...yesterday did those things till 3am...and I wake up at 8.30am so that I can visit my mum before I go to skool and study...quite moody today but I'm sure to get over those moodswings...haiz...yesterday I message the girl who also same as me admire that special person I saw in his friendster....wa..Its like I wanna know her and like hope she will share things happening in techpoint with me...and maybe hope she can share a clearer photo of his....opps..do I sound like I am using someone...haiz...aniway juz wanna noe another friend lor...hope she will reply me...haiz...hope mum can come back home tommorrow bar...but the doctor like say need to hospitalise for 3 more days the least leh...sianz....sign off zzzzzzzzzzz.....gotta go cook dinner for myself...den after that study that disastrous BSTATS!!! I blog after my exam bar...

It all turns out rite now!!

Today I very happy...this week gets better for me!! Things are solved....and I am glad that things turn out right...that must be God...He help me through this tough time..and not forgetting all my friends who have been by my side..thanks alot...not only that...He accept my request in friendster....so happy now...it is like what I have yearned this few weeks...but it is like I dont know what to do after this...aniway I am just very happy that he accept me as his friend...that gonna make my week a even more happier one...and this can really motivate me to concentrate in studying for next week common test....thanks alot to you...you really mean alot to me....though I know what I wish may not come true...but the friendship I have with you...I'll treasure even more...Hmmm..saw his testi and it seems he is a popular catch at work...and he has quite a lot of admirer le...wa..I really no chance le...but I really hope that he will do well...yar...anyway...from now...I'm doing fine...cos all my problems are solved and that I believe that things will turn out fine for me...through this fall..I have learnt alot...giving up takes more courage then persevere...and maybe thats why I still persevere..cos I dun have the courage to face it....but no matter what...that passion I have for him is still there though I wont get to see him...from now...what I see through his friendster is his cheerfulness and enthusiasm in what he believes....I hope that he is doing just fine and may he always have a cheerful day...I really hope through friendster I can get to know you more....this week no skool kinda miss my TB25 le...oh...really miss you all wor...really have fun on saturday with the Aquatholon thingy....take care guys and all the best in the common test wor...JiaYou~~muackz...

Saturday Morning...I Have Fun

Today..really very tired lehz...kinda ache all over from head to toe...maybe really didnt sleep well yesterday...I woke up at 8 lehz...so early....I better catch an early sleep tonight....hmm...today no mood swing...wa...cos nobody disturb me about those problems...and I have a great day with my class..though I went off without them(cos I have to find my younger sis...she's left all alone...)..I really enjoy the day...2 more weeks towards common test...must work on my microecons lehz...cos im really very bad at econs lehz...I have no interest in those stuff...really dunno how come I pass macroecons...I hope the week ahead will be a better one for me...and i'll definitely miss TB25..cos no skool next week...but im still going back to skool to study at the library with stacy and fangz...yea...so long never see fangz liao lehz...miss her wor...heehee...got boyfriend must not forget me hor...see you on mon when we meet up for revision hor...hmm...he still haven accept my request...but im still holding on...I wonder how long can I hold on...do I still have the determination to hang on?? I believe I will...cos thats the power of love...we are still at the same stage...friends with daily smses....Getting tired le...really feel like falling asleep...but ocom topic is not out...maybe tommorrow we'll continue...I really cant stop myself from yawning....tommorrow still have to attend church....nitez....

PS:Yesterday a history I dont want to forget...

Today is present I cherish it

Tommorrow is future I'm in search of that path.....

© Brigitte Khoo Jie Bin

Day after Day

Hmm..I juz Came back from my solo climb of the bukit timah hill...and I thought alot about things happen this 2 weeks...I have to learn to solve those problems and not avoiding them...and I will....really thanks to all my friends who have been so encouraging...and those words are really sweet....hmm...gonna bury myself with work to drown all my sorrows deep down....in life to forget someone or something is just too difficult...but the more you want to forget it...the harder it is...just allow time to heal it...thats the best way to heal....this week seems a little better for me...have lots of encouragement and I had managed to climb up from where I had fell....I know my moodyness must have leave a bad impression to people out there...Im really sorry...maybe you all think that im bad at emotion management...(opps..sound abit too business...)but I think I am...how I hope there is 1 module that teach us emotion management...to teach how to control mood swings...all stuff....hmm...today is Hari Raya Haji...seems that my mood has less swings....Im happy...yea...looking forward to tml...the aquathalon thingy...that will be the last time we meet till common test...will miss all of TB25 wor....haha...I really like my class alot lehz...cos all so friendly...supportive....just so nice!!Best wishes to all for the coming common test...gotta end here le...go take my lunch~

I'll blog next time....cya TB25 tml....(hope it doesnt rain....touch wood...)

Sad all the way....

Today we have tennis again...I didnt really sleep well last night....really kinda sad about things that happen recently...one is that our class gals seem to be drifting away...really very sad about this lehz...it has happen like since skool start bar...why things have come to such situation...and i really hope that we can be like those days we had last semester...wa...this week seems really bad to me...I keep getting calls from friends around me...and heard that so many things actually happen...really feel very down this week...unlike last week I really had a cheerful week with my friends...I dont know why things keep opposing me...At the highest time you push me so hard that I fall so deep down...If I had ignored you or seems not to be bothered...I really didnt mean it...because I am really very sad...and I dont really want to look sad in front of you guys...and have to put up the brave front...nowadays things arent getting better for me....sad.sad.sad is all I can say...I cried a lot...but maybe I have suppressed too much of my feelings that I wanna let it out...watching the tv series of channel 55 at 9 yesterday...I really cried throughout the last part of the show...it is really pain to have someone so close to you to just suddenly leave just at that mist of time...I dont know why I would cry whenever I see people cries and I would try to hide it...I'm just like that....I think I dont want people to see that side of me...I dont wanna people to think that I am so fragile...but I am really one...Let this be the secret among me and those who are reading this...I will able to climb up and move on...it just that it takes time...I think I should pray more to GOD...I believe he will guide me through the way...

++++++........Hurt is too much pain in the heart and too much supressing of feelings will only do no good........+++++

Sad.Sad.Sad

Sad..Depressed...He Din add me lehz..I think he really reject my request le bar...really kinda sad lehz..think maybe he likes pretty gers bar....I really dunno what to do ....I dun dare to msg him and ask him to accept my request...it is like so awkward to message him like that...haiz...today really very tired...sleep so late and lesson ends at 5...really fall asleep at bstats lecture...but den dunno why half way suddenly so alert...haha...den go home forget bring key and nobody at home...wa...walk around my hse for about 1++hr lehz...so tired today....plus extreme sadness lor...he really very bad lehz...din add me in friendster....haiz...really feel like giving up at times lor...but when I say that...my hearts doesnt follow what I say...and keep on holding a torch for him....wa...I seem to be so devoted hor..haiz...but sad to say he dun like me...maybe we arent meant to be together bar...still thinking about what my friend says that the guys at techpoint are all attached le...hmm..maybe he's attached le bar...now doing cip exercise...have to start all over again cos the one I just do never save den the com went hay wire...things arent getting smooth for me this week...I heard from shelia today that motorola had sacked alot of people le...wa...this week isnt my week lor...the whole week I have been feeling very moody and have been chatting on the phone to make sure things are getting well with my friends...my great apology if I seem to be a little anti social this week...but please..let me be this...for I really dunno what I should do...the week is ending soon...lets hope next week will be a better week for everyone especially for those friends around me= tb25.x colleagues.him.god bros.guides.all those friends who have been always bring joy to my life...I believe things will get better for them..and I really hope it does likewise for me....this have been bothering me for weeks...

WHAT SHOULD I DO??

TTS Again...

Today TTS again..I dunno why I really very nervous....I think I really scared Ms Thea...dunno how come when I see her I really very scared...I think I am too self conscious...I really scared that I cannot make it and often ended failing in the things I wanna do well...thats my weakness...I just cant overcome it...haiz..but at last every thing is over...no more TTS for me...TTs really makes me fear alot...yipee...wa..really excited that valentine's day is coming soon~~ I have date all my friends for the day...so excited....we r going to sentosa to spend the day der...yipee... though recently alot of things keep happening..and everyone is like so moody...I hope that this outing will boost everyone's mood...cheer up guys...I'm really fine and I'm getting up from my fall...though is quite pain...but I will never give up on the things I pinned for...dun worry for me...I know things are fated...I'll let nature takes it course...maybe he is someone sent by god to help me to become a even mature person...I must admit that because of him...I really have mature in my thoughts and become stronger when faced with problems...I know I really like you a lot...and even becomes too much that I really cant give up on you...but at least we are friends now rite...if you ever see this.. can you add me in friendster...we are friends rite...maybe through friendster I can get to know you better...no matter what...I'll always be there to support you...and I'll always be right here waiting for you...I know this day may not come...but I really want you to feel being loved which is more blissful than loving someone...take lots of care...

====For I really mean concerns for you======

Oh no..he din add me...sadz...

Wa..today really very tired lehz...tennis really very tired...hmm...he still haven add me lehz...but he had logged in lor...maybe he really dun wanna add me into his account bar....sobsob...like that make my day turn bad lehz...nvm den...guess wad...tml is gonna be a great day...i think i'll be going to the north east area for a walk...hey..its not for him lor...I juz wanna take a walk at ang mo kio der...like so long never go der liao...maybe can go my friend's der the shop and have lunch...the food really yummy...heehee...and maybe see if can bump into any of my ex-colleagues der....heehee....oh yar...last week actually should have meet up with shelia but i was so sick that i din meet up with her...maybe tml go der find her...heehee...hmm...actually hor...maybe i should give up lehz...but i cant bear to let go lehz....my friends say that he's not worth waiting...such a hot temper typical ah beng....haiz...but i like him being so hardworking lehz...die le..i like him too much that i cant stop thinking about him...maybe what my friends say are right but i wont give up so easily...

as my phrase goes:

He can choose to love me or love me not, but I can choose to love him and love him even more.

i like him secretly for about a year le...maybe he doesnt know that i carry a touch for him so long...but i wanna say that he had made me learn to be stronger towards life...because perseverance has always be with me ever since he stepped into my life which is my first day of work dated: 3 dec 2003....

Another comes~

Today we had TTS again...we left 2 more session of that....oh my..today I really shiver alot...but actually it is not because I am very nervous...it is actually because the air con is so cold...I find that I cant really talk well...maybe next time I will never be a good speaker...I have such a low confidence...but I know I'm contradicting it...how can a low confidence dare to go express my love to the person I like and go up and give him presents and even go and ask for his HP no....I think it really ridicule me alot too...guess what...yesterday I browse through Friendster and I found his account...initially I really could not believe it...but as I get into his profile...I could confirm that it is his...I even added him in my friendster...but he had yet to approved me...oh...is he gonna reject me??No bar...but I'm really very excited over he having friendster...I think that he had changed alot....he has become more socialise....but I know his temper is still there...hmm...today after skool...I went to bukit panjang plaza and I saw my friend there...quite shock...after that I go Lot 1 and find my the other friend...we went to walk in Lot 1...I went straight to Billabong and finding a shirt for him...but really cant find a suitable one for him...but it is alright....his birthday is around may...so I still have time to search for that special present....really very tired after all this walking....write again next time~!

Resolution 2005

Day by day...week by week...it seems to be passing so fast and now is already January...I still haven come up with my new year resolution...what I want to aim for this year....hmm...well...I hope that this new year I will work harder in my studies cos I really not good at studying...I also hope that I will change my introvert character to a more extrovert character....because I really want to know more friends around me and to speak up more...I also hope that he will lead the live he wants and that he will always stay that handsome and healthy....and may he get his desired happiness...and as for my friends..I also hope that they got their desired happiness and always ever cheerful to life....and for my family I hope peace may be with them...and as for my belief...I hope I will stay strong and persevere in whatever I believe....that should be my resolution of year 2005...it seems like more for the people around me than myself bar...hmm...but I really think that they happy then I will be happy....

Its Christmas!!!

I have just come home from techpoint...I really very happy lehz...I finally saw him...it is really long since I last see him...but my feelings is mixed when I go there lehz...I give him the present and he is still the same saying that old word thank you...then walk off to his locker...at that time I somehow feel a little disappointed by his attitude...but he is just like that what can I do...as I see him walking off...his back view is what I see...recalling scene of him walking in and me giving him present and then he walks away seem flashing continuously...though all this things happen within 5 mins...it really seems like it take an hour to go....at that moment...I really hope that time could stop so that I could look at him longer...look at him from head to toe...his every expression and body language and his voice...seeing him going inside and start working with the jet...I somehow recall last time...I always peep at him during work and always sit opposite his table during break where we will be facing face to face...even there's no one in front...i would still take peeps at him...besides at work I remember him carefully move apart a large stack of things behind me...as he was discussing how to move it away behind me...I take peeps at him...and I was caught peeping by him...and I blushed immediately...as he moves the things away...I turned so red hot...though everything is all just one sided mindset...I really do treasure every moment I can see or even take peeps at him....to me all this was so memorable to me....apart from seeing him...I meet up with shelia before going to techpoint...we chat alot and I hope that our friendship will last forever....today is full of memories....I Love the worklife there....

MeMoRiEs No1 caN SteaL

FoR iT sHaLL StAy tiLL

FoRevEr~!

Christmas round the corner....

Christmas Season is round the corner and i'm so excited about this festive season...I have bought something for him...but really dunno how to give him...I had made up mind to go back to motorola and give him the present I bought for him....I'm really very scared that he might just throw the present away...but I believe he wont do that....I planning to meet up with shelia so that I could give her her present...so excited...so long never see shelia and friends from motorola...really missing those days we had....
Merry Christmas to all~!

Bad History Bothers ME....

I am kinda confused...have mixed feelings now...I seem to cant find out why I am what I am now...I used to be very outgoing, sociable, sporty...but that side of me faded away long ago...and now I am so quiet, inferior, keep things to myself... thats not me!! Having search my souls for the life I have been going through...is it because of that bad experience I had during the end of Sec 1 which keeps reminding me that I am a bad girl and nobody wants to befriend me... ever since that first IS class of this semester...I have been thinking....why I just cant express myself rightfully...why cant I be opened up and speak more... where have that chatty me gone to... am I who I used to be?? I want to find my true self...ever since that experience ...I feel that people despise me... I feel so inferior and so sad... does that mean that ones make a mistake and for life, cant be reform?? This have been hindering me for 5 years... and now I really want to face it... I want to change to that previous me where I smile deep from my heart... and chat like theres never ending topics... If the person who together we are involve in that bad experience sees this... I want to say:' Though this thing make me fall in a deep dark hole where I cant climb out of it up till now, I never regret the things we had done.Hope you will get your desired happiness and find the true light in your future.' Things done cant be changed and for that bad experience I just have to accept and move on...but this experience brought me darkness and inferiority... having clear thoughts about it... I know those inferior thoughts will bring me nowhere... from now on I'm going to change that inferiority in me, that timidness in me, every pessimistic thoughts I have... and I hope changes will do me better and that my friends will accept this changed me(my usual self)... it really seems I am a problematic girl which needs counselling...but I think I am able to cope with it... thank God for being there when I am in need of you...

ps: EXPERIENCE IS PART OF LIFE...IT MAKES ONES GROW INTO A STRONGER PERSON.

Moody me~!

Weather: cLoudy
Location: my friends house
Emotions: moody

ToDay No ScHooL...Kinda still brooding over the things that happened few days ago...Really too many things happen...Though they really meant me well but i really believe that he's a nice person...after all humans have temper...need to say him...I believe in him and that what said is just at the fit of anger...I know he is the sort of the ah bengs...but he is not those extreme kinda who fight,smoke and does those that one ah beng does...don't ask me how I know it...I just know it...so long never see all my friends...really hope to catch up with them...i miss so them so much especially Anqi, Sam, Yubing,shihui,sidi,stacy,fangz,etc...so long never see them...haiz..Life so full of ups and downs....really need alot of courage to face all those...but having all those friends by my side supporting me, encouraging me...I believe things will turn out better...at least I know I am being cared and concern for...thanks alot to you guys...you all really help me to persevere more and to be able to bravely face those problems rushing on me... through this I have learnt to be stronger and you all made me believe that i'm not alone facing those problems....hope that all those problems will soon be solved...
Msg to all my friends:

,,,.+' i wiLL '+,
(,") siT hEre
((")(") & pRay
i h0pE tHaT tHe PeRs0N

wHo'S rEaDiNG tHiS wiLL bE bLeSsEd

wiTh evErLaStiNg hApPiNesS aNd

sMiLe aLwAyz...tAkE CaRe 0f y0uRseLF

aNd kEep iN coNtaCt w0r~!

I'm back~!

Back home...And there's so many things happen during these few days...I'm so stressed out by all those things...School starting tomorrow...And I miss him a lot...Someone told me he is more bad tempered nowadays...What can I do...He's an ah beng type that I like...But he's a very nice guy with driveness and is very hardworking....why people keep discouraging me to persevere the belief I have... saying we are worlds apart(ah beng and good ger).... I believe my eyes my taste.... I like his attitude of getting everything done nicely... In my eyes I see only him... he must be the one... I would just have to keep on trying... let nature take it course....i will still be there waiting for him....new semester coming..and it seems that this new semester arent going to be giving me an easy life to lead...i'm going to work doubly hard for everything...just as hardworking as him...so excited about school tomorrow...get to see my classmates...so long never see them...miss them much....school starting tomorrow...well see you guys soon~!

TiRED!!!

Today is a real tired day...just come back from the graduation party...handling those nursery kids and kindergardern kids with their performances...there are so fun to play with...and playing with them makes me feel younger and like that of my childhood...though there is some which is quite disobedient and even carry him the whole day...my hand is really very pain...oh~!can you imagine...i even help the boys to change!!They didnt even wear their undies...oh my~! I really feel very awkward helping them change...but now I got used to it...thats what I have been seeing for the whole holidays since I work at the childcare...they are really cute...really enjoy the time with them...opps..thinking of becoming a childcare teacher in the future...no bar~kids nowadays are difficult to handle...if they are naughty cant beat them...but its nice to have an experience of working at the childcare...the teachers there too are fun to be with~~Wa really tired loR~! Theres goes another day~ Class Timetable is out~Most lessons start at 9am and ends mostly about 3pm or 1pm...thats great...den after class got more time to go out with friends~!yipee~~~!!

Another day pass~!

Today A Really fun day...we had family outing~! we go to Pasir Ris Park...have a picnic there...and we ride bicycle...really so fun~!so long never have such a outing....after all those fun..really can feel the tiredness....but I really did enjoy myself there....hmm...think I monday going to go for interview other jobs...wanna earn some money so can buy Christmas present for my family...give them a surprise...haha...cos that is not my practise..heehee..but that is of I got another job....cos current job is just enough for my daily expenses...muahaha...besides I'm kinda sick of the job...doing nothing much...I like to work at place where I can get to know new friends...Like motorola...haha..missing those days...haiz...yesterday was Shihui birthday but din celebrate with her...like very bad...and we haven give her the present we bought for her...hmm..wanna wish her a Happy Belated Birthday~! thanks for everything....

TesT ReLeasE ToDay~!

8:20am- The moment I wake up..I immediately go and wash up and get into the net...but sad to say...the result is not out...haven sleep well last night..really scared I cant get to the next semester....GOD please bless me that I will get good result...I really did my very best in the exam...I hope you wont disappoint again...disappointment seems to come by me time and time again...I feel like I cant take it anymore...disappointment makes me a less stronger person...if things dont come what expected...please dont give me hope for it...this week seems to be a hopeful week and yet a disappointing week...all those emotions are just full of ups and downs....really tink I cant take this anymore....really feel like going back to the old days....going to school then go out with friends...at least I wont have the stress I'm undergoing and the disappointment coming towards me...continue later....gotta go to childcare liao...later come back then see if the result is out.....

8.37am- Just went back to take a look at the result...Wao...I actually did pass all my subject..though macroeconomics was really bad...but what can I do... I really dont like macro...cos Macro Makes Me Mad...haahaa...so glad I pass all...I bet all my classmates too have score well in theirs....though the result is not very good...but to me I think it is really compromising of my ability...sad to say..I did quite badly for POA and written communication...not what I expected...but all these are over...finally the heavy burdens are released....the week really makes me feel so emotionally uncontrolled.....but the result ends my week with a better mood..thank God for not disappointing me....

Dsappointment....

Wa..yesterday was really a disappointing day lorz...Din get the job...somemore like so nerd..sit outside techpoint for nothing....what's the best is that KokYi oso work here~!...wHat a disappointment...ask us go back after so long of waiting...what a screwed agent...should have organised abit mar...haiz...hmm...words kinda crude hur..but really angry lor...almost cant get home...haiz..worse is that the person i have yearned to see haven come before i left...so sad...travel all the way der and yet to no avail to see him...but saw those friends who are still working der...wao...and yar saw his friend who dao me lor...muahaha...den tink he must be saying about me to him bar...i sneeze all the way back and i had a really sneezy sleep...haha..aiya i think too much liao....so mad about him...heehee...really lor...cos i really like him alot mar...dunno why oso...have that special feelings for him since that very 1st day of work...notice him alot since den...i still remember i 3rd nov 2003 go there work de...haiz...time really pass very fast...like him about 1 year!!wao...such a distant one side love manz...today hope the agent wun disappoint me again....NO!!they just call me ask me dont need to go today!!why must things always go against me!! I think I have to continue to teach at the childcare....I miss him!!

ShouLd I oR ShouLd I noT??

Oh NO~! I have to make decision now!!How???I really want to go back to motorola to work!!But I cant just quit that childcare work...I cant get back in time after work...so I can only take up 1 job...haiz..I really want to go back Motorola and work lehz...I want to work with him~!!!!How??? What can I do??I am very confused...where things can be what I want??I really miss him alot and want to go back and work!!why???why this???At times you give me hope yet all this hope I have been wanting cannot be fulfilled...then why do you still let me see this hope and yet a hope I cant catch....

I'M really very sad...I really wanna see him once more....Should I or should I not???

Miss Miss Miss...i Miss all my friends~!

I'M getting real excited nowadays...gotta catch up with my friends in motorola these few days...really miss those time we had during work...it was so fun...i miss Anqi.Sam.Yubingz.Shihui.Sidi and all those friends i had made during work...really got lots to catch up with you guys...and yar not to forget that special someone who is still working there...he is really a nice guy who never fails to help one in need...really feel fortunate to know you...now always miss so many friends...i also miss TB25...we so long also never go out together le...we fight so much for our exam...i believe we all can get to the next semester together...yeah~! 11 nov...exam result release....God bless everyone pass with flying colours~~

HoLidays KinDa boRed~!

HoLidays are real boring for me...now currently teaching a bunch of naughty kids at the childcare...really had a hard time teaching...they wont listen...think i should get another job?? but who want to hire students for 1 month...haiz..today very bored...use the net whole day...feelings abit mixed up..trying to search for what i want...and to grab them tight...feelings cannot be hidden...but i'm really not good at expressing those...i'm afraid i express the wrong thing and leading to misunderstanding....my feelings for everyone in my life...i treasure them..for everyone plays an important role in my life...and this makes me mature more...i want to clear up all those weird feelings i have... making use if the holiday...to fight in the next semester....yea~!and i will do it!!
I have to let things out...God bless i can make it to the next semester...11 november 2004 comes the result of the exam...May aLL of TB25 get good grades...cheers~!

weLc0me t0 my very own blog....

This is my new blog...where i express every bits of feelings i have for the days...just like a journal unlike the previous one...so filled who those lovey dovey words...that blog will be as http://xxxforeveruxxx.blogspot.com
if anyone is still interested in reading those words i have...feel free to drop by...i just wanna have this place just for myself where i can vent out all feelings i have...for the earth...for my friends...for him...for everyone...maybe i cant express my feelings well...so i might as well write them all down to let you guys understand that i dont mean any other thing harsh...i may not be good at expressing...hence i hope this little blog can let me express whatever i wanna express in words...though maybe a bit insincere...