站在我们第一次怄气彼此，我第一次在你面前哭的同个位置。
只是现在是我一个人在那里偷偷掉眼泪。
想你。

Had been long since I last post
And had been falling sick weeks before
Work have been hectic too
This week comes very hard with all the issues coming together
Past few days dreamt of the Global SME whom I work with on my previous role
And today mentor came telling me that they are recruiting SME back.
In a dilemma on whether should I stay as a supply planner which really aren't my forte yet stable job with high stress or SME which not my forte too and also risk of retrenchment but gets to travel and have much more exposure though deployment should complete by 2024.
Tough decision to make.
Well, too stress up with operational stuffs with less knowledge and blindly bumping into issues.
Just hope the week gets better
Looking forward to JB staycation with the family this weekend!
Till then peeps

Monday.
Another new week.
Had a fulfilling weekends I suppose.
Organise a hen's party for Stacy
Was a fun day though I had a hard time to cook up reasons to meet up at Town
Went to have a nice brunch at Nassim Hill Bakery which is totally awesome.
After which we had for a 3 hours art jamming
My first time art jamming!
Totally focus working on it.
Thanks to PY for suggesting this activity!
Was an awesome experience!
Didn't want it to be too lonely, thus I didn't draw anyone in.
When the times come, I will add on to my this piece of work, I hope.

We then proceed with really working on the childhood montage video.
Did some small amendments and just left with some final touch!
Can't wait for their big day!

Will update later on my Sunday which was an awesome one with little sister too!
Till then peeps~

We are all ready to start!

In Progress...

The Last Touch - Signing off

Show Casing of Our Master Art

Had a pretty bad Monday
Got humiliated by an online "friend" which I never met
Cut the story short
Not the first time
He classify me as the other girls he knows
Putting airs or so and after his money
Once he ever said lucky he didnt spend a single cent on me
And said no wonder I gonna ditch
I blocked him and he msg me he was joking
Not to make things ugly
I unblocked and yesterday was the ultimate one
He msg me again if I am free to meet
I didn't reply and he added me to a group chat with his friends
I immediately left and block the chat
His last message was that he will block me and added again
No wonder I got ditch
I felt humiliated totally

Had loads of work issues and yet this humiliation make me broke down even more
Had enough of things
I tried to make it simple
I would work and go home, play with niece every weekdays
Weekends sleep in more, binge watch dramas and occasional volunteer work and meet up with the girls.
And recently working on gf's wedding childhood montage
Well, at least for now I gotten over the episode of humiliation a little I guess


Cyber bullying aint a joke
Be kinder in words and action, it could be traumatic to some.
Never underestimate the weakness in one's heart and mind.

Shall continue another hectic day
Till then peeps

14.10.19: Could have been our 1st year

Did a video throughout the night
A little confession of mine to him

Posted it in the blog I created for us
https://newchapterbegins141018.wordpress.com/2019/10/13/could-have-been-our-1st-anniversary

Dearest, I Love You.

No one is Perfect, but I know you are my Perfect one.

想你的夜
你知道吗
没有你的日子我有多想你
分手那天
我看着你走远
所有承诺化成了句点
独自守在空荡的房间
爱与痛在我心里纠缠
我们的爱走到了今天
是不是我太自私了一点
如果爱可以重来
我会为你放弃一切
想你的夜
多希望你能在我身边
不知道你心里还能否为我改变
想你的夜
求你让我再爱你一遍
让爱再回到原点
分手那天
我看着你走远
所有承诺化成了句点
独自守在空荡的房间
爱与痛在我心里纠缠
我们的爱走到了今天
是不是我太自私了一点
如果爱可以重来
我会为你放弃一切
想你的夜
多希望你能在我身边
不知道你心里还能否为我改变
想你的夜
求你让我再爱你一遍
让爱再回到原点
想你的夜
多希望你能在我身边
不知道你心里还能否为我改变
想你的夜
求你让我再爱你一遍
让爱再回到原点
回来吧 我等你

Had been awhile since I last update.
Been busy with work.

Last Saturday went to a Product Launch Tea Party with Yun
Worst party ever though food is great
Maybe was expecting something more professional

We then head to meet Xin and family at Funan
First time hearing the F1 vroom which is pretty loud
Though I compared it with the sound from the TV, volume adjusted.
Almost couldn't find my way back due to diversion of bus which there is no announcement on which stops were diverted.
But luckily it did came finally.

Sunday was another early day
Went volunteering with mum at the zoo.
My first with CDAC.
Half the headcount didn't turn up
So I am alone assisting the families with directions.
A full day at zoo.
Smiled the whole day.
Quite fulfilling day to be part of the family day organised for the low income families
Hope everyone did have a good family bonding day

Family, is the bond bring by fate.
Treasure them while you can.

TGIF peeps~
Till then.

说好不哭

歌曲原唱: 周杰伦

填词: 方文山

没有了联络后来的生活

我都是听别人说

说你怎么了说你怎么过

放不下的人是我

人多的时候就待在角落

就怕别人问起我

你们怎么了你低着头

护着我连抱怨都没有

电话开始躲从不对我说

不习惯一个人生活

离开我以后要我好好过

怕打扰想自由的我

都这个时候你还在意着

别人是怎么怎么看我的

拼命解释着不是我的错是你要走

眼看着你难过挽留的话却没有说

你会微笑放手说好不哭让我走

电话开始躲从不对我说

不习惯一个人生活

离开我以后要我好好过

怕打扰想自由的我

都这个时候你还在意着

别人是怎么怎么看我的

拼命解释着不是我的错是你要走

眼看着你难过挽留的话却没有说

你会微笑放手说好不哭让我走

你什么都没有却还为我的梦加油

心疼过了多久还在找理由等我

那种撕心的痛,
现在都还记得。
无声的呐喊着，
连呼吸都会痛.

虽然暂时的把它隔着,
但触动时还是会很痛。

哭, 在说难免。

Monday blues.

Weekend was not too bad.
Saturday went with mum for volunteer briefing on our roles for next Sunday volunteer event.
Mum had been wanting to try HaiDiLao
Just nice Paya Lebar Quarter had recently open one outlet there which is near our briefing venue.
So we head there for lunch after our briefing
After which accompany mum together with uncle and grandpa to visit grandpa's brother
It is kinda heartache to see their living condition and how weak he had gotten
Though I only see him once a year during Chinese New Year
Still he is an elder I respect
Hope his health gets better
Though the husband and wife are bickering
Still will care for each other
The many years together
There maybe good and bad times
But it is the getting through together that makes it better

Relationship ain't always perfect sailing
There are humps and bumps
No matter what
Just don't let go of each other
Even though you may feel burdening the other
It is through hardship you realize those who always stand by you are the ones who are true to you

So much on what I thought through the weekends

Didn't really sleep well last night
Had a nightmare about some sort of black magic or exorcism
Breaking into cold sweats
Was a pretty dark nightmare
Hope it is not any bad omen
Somehow I really dislike how accurate my instincts are

Hopefully a better week ahead!
Long post to sum up the weekends
Till then peeps~

人生无常.
记得, 珍惜眼前的一切.

Life is too fragile to live with regrets.

看不透的世界
一点点的去体会
摸不透的心底
一点点的去摸索

时间会让人慢慢成长。
经历会让从前的视角有着不一样的邻域。

Went to a wedding dinner yesterday
On behalf of dad
Cos I am less sick than him
So I had a chance to use some of my makeup
Had been long since I last did my makeup
Well not like I really smeared all my makeup on my face
Just the foundation and manage to add a little blusher with a lip balm that has a color base on the temperature of my lips
Guess it was not too bad
Still don't dare to try doing the eyeliner
Attending wedding is always such a bliss
Looking at how the couple met, proposed and getting into the next stage in life.
Touchful moments
As I also reminisce a little of us
Those sweet days all the while
Not touching on how it ended
Hurtful is how much I thought we can get through whatever that may obstruct
But yet letting go was the choice he made
I might be waiting
But he might never intended to
Often I still ask myself what did I do wrong
All I could ask for perhaps is that he is better now than then
Sometimes I would feel worried that something bad happened to him
The uneasiness of not knowing how is he
A little more sentimental me
Thats what a blog is for I guess

Today did a sample video for my gf wedding
Use the photos that I used to do him the video
Not too bad I guess
Hopefully I can do well for their childhood montage
Weep a little while doing
But anyway nose is still blocked no matter
Weekends pass so fast
Hope a better week ahead.
Till then peeps. 

TGIF!
Maybe not?
Off to work today and almost kena accident
If I walked abit faster, guess I will be buang by the speeding car
And another by a speeding bike at the other junction

Escapes from death today?
Hopefully something better leading on to TGIF!
Till then peeps~

人的一生
最不能辜负
的是时间

在时间点上
遇到对的人
就去争取

不要以为
来日方长
却忘了
世事无常

我一个人的世界。
尽量的，
对外微笑。
努力的，
活出精彩。
盼着的，
有你相伴。

#Perth
#LancelinSandDunes

Monday.
Decided to take MC.
Coughing all night long
And bad nose block.
Gonna take all these medicines and concus
On the way back saw my little niece going to supermarket with the playgroup.
Shock a little to see me
But guess she looks too tired.
Gonna poof to bed.
Hope to get well soon.
And I seriously dislike eating medicine!
Took me since Friday to finally decide to see the doctor.
Till then peeps.
Hope your day is better than mine!

Sunday.
Endless coughing last night
With nose blocked
Falling sick on a weekends are so dampening.
Wanted to go for the SG Night Festival
But too contagious to be in a crowd
Now what adds on is the cramps
Body too heaty yet now I can't take cooling stuffs
Dilemma.
Seems the case in life too.
Dreamt about how we met last night
And how the first impression I had of him
More like a reminisce rather than a dream
Having the dilemma of not rather impressed yet still like the way he is.
No boundaries when you just love someone

Gonna go rest more and hope I get better before work starts tomorrow
Stay healthy and drink more water peeps
Weather is pretty bad
Till then! 

等着对的时间点...

對的時間點 - JJ Lin

谁说白天不懂夜的美?
当白天和黑夜有了交际, 那才是真正的美...

Thursday.
Few more days till end of the month!
Next month onward gonna stand alone
Not sure how am I going to cope with it
Had been working late ever since I came back from Perth trip
But well, another organization restructuring soon
Just hope today I wouldn't need to stay too late
Stressful with work
Eating a lot especially chocolate
Gaining weight slightly
But gonna exercise more!
Stacy wedding coming soon
And definitely do not want to look fat on the bridesmaid dress
Can't fit into a S size and have to get M and do some altering
Shall alter maybe 3 weeks before the D-Day
Just in case I get too fat (well I definitely not hoping that) or too slim (seems impossible though *Smirk*)
Gonna get busy with work
1 more day to friday!
Aja aja fighting!!
Till then peeps~

等你回来
我都会在

 

Monday.
Blues as usual.
Weekends didn't catch up much with sleep.
But did spend my time well I guess?
Went JB with mum to the new mall on Sat
Was caught in a little jam

Custom clearance took maybe 1 hour
Though the queue was till the end
Left home at 8 and managed to pass custom by 11
Guess not too bad
Went to Mid Valley Mall
Made a new specs
Similar to my old ones
Meals was abit off timing
Completed the mall though not all shops were open
Caught 845pm bus back to city square
Did some essential shopping there before it closed
Went to the back alley for our late dinner
All my favorite stalls closed
Do with a Thai ZiChar meal
And that was 1030pm
Rushed to clear the custom which had quite a bit of queue
And managed to catch the last few bus to SG
Got home around 1230
That sums up our first time ever full day trip

Sunday was pretty lazy
Did grocery shopping for our salad today
Went to sis house and played with niece
Ponder over things
The kind of life I'm going through
Career focus? Maybe not.
Family oriented? I guess so.
Relationship? Empty and lost
Friends? All had their own families

What will my life be?
Lone?
Well, keeping it aside.
The basic is I need the job to feed myself.
Hopefully won't kena another round of retrenchment
Economy is pretty bad.
A pretty long update today
Guess my weekend was quite abit
Aja aja fighting!
Till then peeps~

TGIF!
Didn't sleep well again.
Had a busy morning settling all the issues.
One good news and for the first time my niece didnt cry going to school
Though she cried in the morning wanting her mum to carry
Nevertheless, her poker face still
She like nothing happen, let teacher check her mouth and temperature
Kiss mum goodbye, took her bag to the room.
Stunned both her mum and teacher
After so many months of schooling
Shall get her a cake of her choice to reward her!

Having OT for the week
Decided to have some ME time over lunch.
Ownself walk to NYP
Had the biggest bowl of Ban Mee ever
Big bowl and filled it to the brim
And only cost $2.60!
Canteen in Poly is feeding their students well nowadays I guess
Well, I didnt finish it obviously since it is more like a portion for 2 to me
Ate half a bowl sweating
Weather getting pretty hot
And the walk to and fro NYP also make me sweat
Hopefully not too much of a food coma later!
Gonna prep for my training from another shifu!
Have a good weekends peeps!
Aja aja fwighting!
Till then~

Thursday.
One more day to Friday!
Not sure why but the dream keeps coming
Just wish he is doing better
Somehow not sure why I had a bad feeling about him
Please stay healthy and happy
I know I still miss you

My work? Had been very hectic.
Stayed up late at office everyday
So much issues and yet helpless
With mentor so busy for me to consult
Me not knowing how to handle things

As usual gonna...
Aja aja fwighting!
Till then lo~

Monday.
Blue as usual.
Have been having dreams that we got back
Every time I woke up from it
It feels so empty
I really do miss him
Hope everything still doing fine for him
Have been OT'ing for many days
Aja Aja Fwighting!
Till then

Tuesday.
1st day back to work from my long holiday.
Falling sick and rested the past 2 days.
Perth more of nice scenery
Ocean views
Vineyards
Farmstay
Fish & Chips
Sleep wasn't good there
Road trip music so emo
And make me think more.
Well, personally preferred our NZ trip
But it is still fun with the little niece
Though her crankiness for her popo to carry
I did carry her quite a bit
Play rides with her and all
Coming back to a total difference in weather
Thus the sore throat, flu and slight fever
Alright, back to fighting and dieting
Gain almost 2kg back with all the fries and meat,
Till then peeps~

Friday.
Woke up feeling lost.
Cos I dreamt of dearest.
Something the mind, heart and soul can't control I guess.
Well, hitting gym later with godbro!
Had been eating too much for dinner with all the stress from work.
Need more exercise!
TGIF!
Counting down to Perth trip!
4 more working days!
Till then peeps~

Tuesday. Still struggling with picking up the ropes for the new role.
Saturday went for some volunteer briefing and did much exercise.
Flash mob and being captured in the volunteer group video with my wrong moves!
Gosh! That is so caught in action!
Sunday had a hair trim and ended up cutting it slightly shorter.
Well, perhaps good for a hot weather nowadays.
So work, home, playing with niece the same old routine every week day.
Haven't been playing those trending on Tiktok.
Shall start back soon!
Been dreaming of Elephant and I really hope it is something good!
Shed me some positive vibes!
Hopefully in my next update!
Till then!

Thursday! One more day to Friday!
Not like I got plans for TGIF
But well, counting down to Perth Trip I guess.
Yesterday was seriously nervous and stressed about the presentation
Had to host the meeting because my boss is on leave
But glad that it went well
Cos big big boss gonna rush for another last minute meeting
Not much questions asked so I guess all is good

Life gets more busy while learning all the new stuffs
Back to the operations not sure if it is a good thing or bad
Shall just see how it goes
Days pass by like just another day
Work home eat and sleep
Kinda boring
But well, I'm just introvert.

2 more weeks to Perth Trip!
Something to look forward!
Till then lo~

My presentation on project was re-scheduled
The first 3 presenters took 30mins each instead of 5mins as plan
Big bosses asked a lot of questions
Guess I gonna prepare more stuffs for the presentation
Gonna stress for another week till I presented

Learning from another mentor
More detailed kind of training
Asked me alot of questions to test whether I fully understand
But expect me to learn while showing once
Hopefully I can manage it

Had been having migraine and giddy spells
Craving for cheesecakes
Need desserts to reverse stressed

Gaining back weight due to all the stress
Few more weeks to our Perth Family Trip
Something to motivate and look forward

Aja aja fighting!
Till then~

Monday blues
Gonna present on my project closure later
Having butterflies in stomach
I kinda expect many questions
But I not sure how to handle those
Hope I can do well in this presentation
Though its just a 5 mins slot
First time presenting to big shots
Wish me luck later!
Aja Aja fighting!
Till then~

Struggling with new role and closing up my project which did not meet the target

Learning on a new role was abit stressful
Mentor assume I know everything as I previously did the same role in the plant for a few months
And that was like more than a year ago
Was trying to jot down notes but she didn't allow me to do so
Expect me to know it hearing it once
Seems tough to learn the ropes in such environment
But I'm not going to let this obstruct me from learning
Asked another colleague whom had experienced in that role on all my questions
Quickly tidy up my notes in the correct sequence
Since she taught me in a messy sequence
Gonna piece up everything more logical

Closing a project not yet completed
A dilemma on doing out the presentation
Can't justify the reason for closure
But have to close just because I am moving on to the next role
Not much improvement shown
Yet so much effort had been put to push
Hopefully I can get over with Monday's presentation to the bosses

Gonna rest well for this week
Need to finalize our accommodations for family trip to Perth
Had been pretty stressed up this week
Aja Aja fighting!
Till then

Happy Birthday!🦌 +est
Hope everything is still good for you
And may all your wishes come true
Have a blastful one.
 

Took a day leave and went with family to JB for a short staycation.
Ate alot throughout the trip
And bonding with the little niece
Went in on a Saturday with 3 hours jam
Lucky coming back today was just an hour jam via bus
Food filled trip
And I definitely should have gain weight despite losing weight for the past few weeks
Ponder on things
But still not sure about what I really want
Not racking head too much on the future I can't predict
Shall just play by ear with what is coming
Back to work tomorrow
Having post holiday blues
Hope for a better tomorrow
Aja aja fighting!
Till then! 

I miss him. 🦌+est
The feeling I can't deny nor hide.
Tears still do flow
Mind still thinking of him
Heart it still hurts

Retrenchment new release going strong this week
Heavy hearted
Not sure if I will kena retrenchment
Too much negative aura here
Hopefully will get through this tough week
Took leave on Monday to go for staycation at JB with family
Need to relax abit
Struggling real hard learning
Because mentor seems to teach very fast and expect me to understand
Aja Aja fighting!
TGIF peeps!
Till then!

Recently feel a bit lost
Not sure what I want
Seems a bit aimlessly
Feel the difference in my thoughts
Just hope all will be good
Not sure what went wrong with tummy
Have been losing weight
Though I had been eating the same

Monday blues
Gonna give training later for ex-boss's project
Hopefully all will be good
Meetings filled Monday
Aja aja fighting!

Haven been really updating the blog
In the new role but still doing projects
Have been losing weight not sure why
Days are all about work and back home
Did more volunteer work
Trying to enrich myself to be better
Yesterday almost got into an accident when a truck suddenly reverse back
Lucky I was alert enough to react otherwise I would definitely be hit
Having second thoughts about getting a driving license
Perhaps maybe later when I settle down with my new role
As of now
Just live for myself
Challenge myself with things I don't really dare to do
Perhaps, a bit more braver me.

Aja Aja fwighting!

1st working day officially back into Supply Chain.
I am not sure if it does mean more no day no night kind of lifestyle like before.
Will just play by ear since its definitely better than being jobless.

Spent my 33rd Birthday with work and usual dinner back home.
Just like any other day.
I guess simplicity is the best as long as the people whom I love and love me is with me.
Had so much of a feasting week but lucky is that I didn't gain weight
I think I didn't make a wish to eat without gaining weight though.

Last Friday was quite a sad day
My grandma's cousin passed away
Though she is not someone I will visit every CNY
She is someone that look like a total replicate of my grandma.
Many times looking at the photos my cousins took with her
Somehow reminded me of grandma.
Went to her wake with mum on Sat to pay respect to her at Upper Serangoon
The last of grandma's clan.
RIP 表姨婆.

May those whose hearts are broken, be mended and consoled.

Haven't been updating the blog.
I did survive and battle hard from the virus.
Have been reflecting on myself.

Spend more time with family
Just wanna find back the smile I used to have

Not say I had already fully come out from it
But will just keep the beautiful moments in the heart
And the rest hidden at a corner
Definitely want to be a much better person
Independent, confident, even more positive vibes
Come to think of it
I didn't set any new year resolution cos of some down moments
Perhaps there is one that I would want to achieve
Getting a driving license!
That is one big step I am going to take despite all my fears for years!
Aja Aja fighting!

Had blood test yesterday
Which clinic says will be able to know the result on the same day
And yet they don't open for night session yesterday
And I just receive a call to urgently go down the clinic by 2pm
When she called at 1pm
What worst is the grab I booked broke down at the highway
And the 2nd grab missed me on the highway and have to do a big U turn
By the time I got the grab its 145pm
Called up clinic and they say doc have to leave at 2pm for a meeting
So I have to go for the review tomorrow morning
Now I have to worried what's wrong with my report for a night
Hopefully nothing from the report.
What a suay day I had.
Will update again if its a matter of life or death
Just kidding...
Gonna stay positive right?
Till then.

Caught the Avengers End Game last Sunday
And it is definitely worth the almost bladder burst for this 3 hour movie
Iron man totally won my tears
Shall not be a spoiler for those who didn't catch it yet
Today woke up feeling more of the aches and fever
Suspect Dengue and head to polyclinic
But doc ask me to monitor for a few days before taking the blood test
Oh well
So I worked from home while feeling the ache bedridden
Hopefully it is not dengue
*Cross fingers*
Till then
I still feel the fatigue from the India Trip...

Last night in Bangalore
Finally managed to tide through the 3 days being so busy
Couldn't sleep well during the stay though the luxurious of the hotel
Left eye keep twitching like it is a sign of some bad omen
Just hope it is due to tiredness only
Had an atas Indian Cuisine dinner at ITC hotel to end this trip
Need a good soak in the bath tub to end the night

Flying back tomorrow noon to home!
Hopefully a better sleep tonight
Till then.

Just reached Bangalore Hotel
Not sure why tears just flows suddenly while I was on the plane
And when I reached Bangalore Airport
I saw he updated his display photo
Heart wrenched even more
Not sure why my instinct is always so sensitive
Forcing a smile with a wrenching heart was tough
But I am going to tide through for this business trip
I thought I could ignore it
I thought I was stronger than this
Perhaps more time needed
Perhaps if he tell me that he had moved on with someone better
And that he is much happier with her
Which I believe he is now
I will not wait like I said I would
Love, something so fragile.
Promises, so easily broken.
Till then.
Need some food.
Had been losing weight too much.

Had a terrible nightmare
Breaking into cold sweat from it on Thursday
To add on, very bad diarrhea too
Left office half day to see doctor
And yes, its another gastric flu attack
Just this time it is a little more serious than the previous.
Lost 1.2 kg in just half a day
Slept the other half of the day
Couldn't manage to get out of bed on Friday.
Sleep through the day
Did my first #rollingeyes tiktok at first take
Something fun to curb over the boring sick day
And now, after sleeping too much,
Start working on the project
Aja aja fighting!
Till then peeps.

Tuesday.
Yes 933 updated their Podcast of the My Story section.
Mine was being read out on Friday which I missed it due to a conference call.
Word for Word, it still prick the heart.
But thats how harsh that part of my story is.
Wrote it selfishly, purely with all my emotions.
Sometimes "hate" came upon me
But I know I couldn't even do it.
Just have to keep it in a corner of the heart
A part of my life story...

我的心情小抽屉

以前的我习惯一个人的生活.

但当我遇见了他,他让我觉得是我不能错过的人.

面对爱情不太会冒险的我, 也勇敢的抓住我认为的幸福.

因为是网络认识的, 心里总是有许多的不踏实, 但他总是一再的确定我们的爱情有多真实.

历练多的他, 就像是我的导师, 总是能指引我对的方向.

开始的越来越依赖着他.

开始的习惯有他的日子.

开始的那微笑也变多了.

他那甜言蜜语的真心话

承诺过的 "除非你先放手, 我会一直握住你的手.“

一直很感动着我.

但这幸福很短暂, 他最后决定松开我的手.

他最后一次送我回家, 路途好像比平时远, 步伐比平时更沉重.

道别后, 我们头也不回的离开.

一瞬间的, 无奈的我, 狠狠的又被退回到一个人的生活. 

他曾经给的诺言, 已成为虚伪的谎言.

烙印心里的回忆, 已成为痛心的倒叙.

眼泪, 它却川流不息.

伤痛, 狠狠刺痛着心.

心, 碎了满地.

他, 已离我而去.

谈恋爱时, 那些情歌显得多甜蜜.

分手过后, 同首情歌显得多悲伤.

Monday.
Still having problems with sleeping.
Insomnia.
Perhaps, need to try to exercise more before sleep.
Pretty blue Monday.
Gonna start busy with India Trip Preparation.
Till then.

Midweek Wednesday.
Boss just informed I need to go to India 21-24 Apr with a project champion.
And ask me to stay at hotel after work.
Sounded so scary.
There goes my plan for Good Friday long weekend.

Didn't blog as often but shall still try to update once in awhile.
Sleep wasn't good all this while
Like a hunch of something really bad will happen.
Just hope that everyone will be safe and healthy

Work getting more hectic with more work to do for the projects
Guess it is better this way for now
Keep the mind busy rather than the heart aching.
Till then.


Song of the day: 放不下的活着 by 插班生

Yesterday evening listening to FM 933心情小抽屉
A story shared which I can totally relate such feelings
Can't help it and broke down into tears
Took awhile to finally calm down
And I wrote mine briefly not to add too much of details
But the editor wrote back for me to add more
Taking it as a diary entry I wrote back
With more emotions, I teared while writing
With more details, I reminisce those memories

Letting go may take awhile for me
Let's not say moving on
For now, just focus on working hard and earn more for the future.
Need to be more independent.
Need to be a lot more stronger.
Need to learn to love myself.

Till then

Removed the past more than hundred posts I wrote over less than 3 months.
As I read and removed
Realized how clingy I got
All those feelings are what I will need to let go
It hit me that hard because I committed too deep into it
I will pick up all my pride back together
I will come back stronger

Till then.


PS:
Even if we're not together, I want things to be going good for you.
I don't care if we're supposed to never speak again.
I want you to smile again, even if it's not with me.
And I guess you found it.

Had been long since I last blogged
Had some ME time without any social media in my daily life
I know I had been escaping the truth all these while
And yesterday it just got worst
Couldn't sleep at all
Thus today the zombified mode
Perhaps he had moved on
But I am still waiting
Many times I scolded myself for being this stubborn
Slapped myself with all the hardest truth
Even my last pride I didn't save it for myself
The things he might not know
Created the blog https://newchapterbegins141018.wordpress.com to pen down every ups and down we share which I hoped when we looked back are fond memories.
Whenever he said he love me more, deep down I know I love him even more
When I said he is sticky, I know it is because I stick to him
Always wanted our photos to be taken and posted, yet I thought you might find it annoying
I know I am not good at cooking like he does, I watched video clips and practice on the basics
I know I lack in communication, I read up books when I am on my way to work while he is still sleeping

Now.
The promises he made, became empty promises that hit me hard.
The places we went, the things we did, became flashbacks that hurts.
Perhaps he had found someone better, someone who suits him more, I wish the best for you.
Though I gotten deeper into depression, I hold on my tears to blog about it.
A day I guess hefound someone.
Till then.

Rainy day

雨天，淋着雨。
我想起了那一天我们淋着雨，湿哒哒的。
你送我回家，而我说我忘了带钥匙，你在我家楼下陪着我一整夜...
其实，我有带钥匙的。
我只是舍不得你，也许那时的我已经喜欢你了。
发抖着，虽然嘴硬要你说你是同性恋才搂着你的手臂去暖，其实只是我在耍嘴皮.
这个回忆永远那么清晰.
这个冷冷的雨天，淋着雨的我，想你了。

20-Mar-18
 
How many heartbreaks will one need to suffer, will one know to love oneself more?
 
From the first time I know what does a heartbreak means, for the first time, I put away my stubbornness, self-centeredness and reflect on what I had done wrong. A relationship that couldn't be savage, too late to realize what Love is. Yet, I am glad I grew up from there.
 
And now, I tend to put others before me.
Somehow, doing things I may not wish to do.
Even if I have to swallow all the sorrows.
Being like a Post-It Note, handy to use yet easy to discard.
 
Even when I feel wronged, I keep mummed and just quietly leave.
So much of being timid and not wanting to create unwanted or even unnecessary to make things worst.
 
Changes in me all these while, I guess, I grow more inward, introvert, keeping unhappy stuffs to myself.
 
Note to self: Don't Worry, Be Happy! Life has too much things to worry on, Keep Calm and Move On! As always, Aja Aja Fwighting!
 
 

也许...

也许，我在等着...

也许，我应该更勇敢的...

也许，所有的防备该御下了...

分手准准五年了。
想想，还是有些舍不得，很舍不得。
曾经习惯性的有你陪伴，有你呵护，体贴。
当初说的分手，不是因为不爱了，而是放手才能让彼此更好过。
这一放手，我一直都很后悔，因为我知道我再也找不到第二个你。
有几次想鼓起勇气，争取自己决定的幸福，但却害怕自己没办法给你幸福。
也许现在的你，已经很幸福了。
我也只能默默的打听你的消息，只是想知道你一切都过得很好。
或许你是我那个对的人，只是在错的时间相爱了。

依然爱着你，
彬

1 more day to 5 years of breakup.
Looking back, it makes me ponder a lot.
Grown up? Not.
Felt like I am still 原地踏步.
At many times, I told myself to move on.
But to step out seems so difficult.
Not sure what am I holding on.
Sometimes I feel like I am so used to bottle things up to myself, which maybe why I build up walls high.
If I were a bit braver, if I am less afraid of getting hurt, what will be of me?
Another 5 years later, will I be a better me?
To the future me, life is really too short to bottle up so much to yourself.
Letting go may not be easy but taking a step by step could bring you to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Be it relationship or any other, just don't regret on the decision made.
At many times I want to close down this blog but it had many memories that I do not want to delete.
Perhaps, when I am gone or lost my memory, there is something to look back.

因为爱的深，所以难以释怀？
也许一辈子无法释怀，就只能这样默默的爱着。

To: Our Beloved Nacho Baby

You left us on 7-Nov evening, at 11 months old.
Tears flowing from the whole family on your departed.
You know who much we love you, pamper you, dote you.
From the day you came to our family, you brought us joy and happiness.
Seeing you grow up from a little baby bunny.
Though you will bite me, scratch me while I carry you, I still always come to you to carry you and hug you.
Still remember those days when you were still a baby, we fed you milk, really like a son to our family.
We pull you to join in the video for your daddy's proposal video and you had done a good job!
Dear Baby Nacho, though you had left us, you will always be on our hearts.
The moments of joy and happiness you had brought to our family will never be forgotten.
Now you had grown wings to go up to heaven.
Be a good boy there and we will always miss you here.
Rest In Peace, Nacho.

Loves,
Brig.

等      一个人再出现

愣      着窗外的画面

能      否又回到从前

我们  曾把手这样牵

PS: 你是我还在等的那个人....

最近怎么越来越忧郁了.
想你的心越来越浓烈.
回想在一起的时光
翻阅我们的照片
有好几次好想whatsapp你
却没那鼓勇气
会怕你不喜欢
怕你在气我
其实我好想知道你松开我的手的原因
你不说, 我也不知我那里做错了
或许我太依赖你?
总是对你发大小姐脾气?
对你有太多的要求?
我知道,我常常提出那些不可理喻的要求
不懂得珍惜你为我的付出
我就是那么嘴硬...
心里想的都不愿说出来.
你知道吗,我不喜欢你常常和女生来往.
但我总是嘴硬的装大方
明明的喜欢却偏偏说反话
明明的在乎却装无所谓
都分手了, 为什么还那么的放不下呢?
因为我知道,我找不到另一个你了...

太久没写blog了。
该更新一下。
平时也都只是麻木的工作。
偶尔却想起了他。
会想要主动联络他。
却没那股勇气。
知道他最近发生了一些事。
有些冲动想要慰问, 却担心他不愿看到我。
心里总觉得我是他最不想看见的过去。
明明就还很爱他的我, 只有为他祈祷着。
我不善于表达, 对他的思念也只能藏在心里。
有许多时候会幻想, 我们在一起了。
梦境里多么甜蜜, 让我只想待在梦境里。
为什么直到失去了才懂得珍惜呢？
我, 真的后悔了。
后悔把你对我的呵护当做理所当然的。
我们还能在一起吗？

Just awaken from a dream about him and realised it had been long since I last blog.
The feeling so familiar yet so far.
Had been busy with my new work life.
A different type of experience.
A new beginning I believe.
As I look back, I've grown up.
More mature, more decisive.
As the environment changes, people do change.
But if its for the better or not?
Its rather judgemental.
I believe I am doing better.
And I really hope you are too.
Reflecting during those days, I wonder why all those complications we had.
My insecurity w my lack of confidence.
My stubborness w my over-demanding expectations of you.
My jealousy I had w/o telling you and saying it's ok.
If in this relationship I could be more truthful towards my feelings, it could have been better?
Its the walls I build up around me.
The fear of getting myself hurt.
And hearing from my surrounding, love that last seems to happen only in fairytales.
Where many heartbrokens due to third party, se* scandals, etc.
Which love can be true?
When feelings fade, all that is left are memories.
And only the ones that were being left, hold on to those memories.

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4 years ago...
It was like today...
Raining...
But unlike 4 years ago...
You were there to give me warmth...
Now Im left without your embrace...
If we were still together...
It would have been our 4th year...
On this day I went to eat the fav food we used to love eating...
Emotions and memories gushes as I walk pass the route we used to take...
I walked pass your flat...
Deepest down my heart I wished I would bump into you...
Those little fantasy which only dramas have it...
Tears, my eyes could no longer hold anymore...
It just flows endlessly...
Its gonna be a tough, emo & cold night...

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Have been really long since i last blogged...
Just woke up from a dream...
Dreamt that we are back together...
Its the third time since we break up that Im having this dream...
And its only this year that me dreaming of him gets often...
Heart pounding fast...
Perhaps dream and reality will never be the same...
I wished I wouldn't wake up from it...
Does it mean that Im still thinking about him?
A question that is worth thinking through as to what I really want..
Till then peeps!

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I had a dream...
Of you...
A very different you...
A matured you...
A dream I wished I could sleep on...
Dreaming all about you...
The heart was pounding really fast when I woke up...
Is there still love?
I knew things couldn't rewind...
Yet, still pinning hope that he will return...
Stubborn girl!!
Was down with gastric flu...
Pretty bad with rushings to washroom...
I wanna a healthy life!!
Balance life!
Weekend is ending soon!
Dear peeps aja aja fwighting for the upcoming week!
Till then!

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At NUH visiting my colleague...
As I pass by the emergency area...
I remembered accompany you and your mum for your back pain till 4 am...
Even went back work the next day...
I can still remember vividly how fearful I was...
So worried about you while waiting...
At that time...I know its love...
The love I had for you..
I never regret of us being together
Just regret that I didnt treasure you more than I should that make you let go my hand...
It was hurtful...
But I feel I deserve it for being such a difficult person...
Difficult to please...
Demanding...
Stubborn...
But you just let me go my way...
Consuming all my nonsensical demand..
But I wanna say...I Love You to bits!
The things you do for me I really appreciate...
Just hope you are getting on really well...
As I always say to you..  aja aja fwighting lubbie!
21 more days to 2 years of breakup.

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Had been pretty emotional...
Everything seemed so insecured...
Very insecured...
A job that I might lose anytime...
A status that is complicated...
A family I had to feed...
A life that is not I wanted...
Did the wound transform me into someone im not?
I begin to feel that Im not myself...
Feels like Im wearing a smily mask to face whats coming...
Even when I need a shoulder, I dare not ask for it...
Cos ego was on the way and im always on my brave front...
The barriers built up so tall around me...
That no one can ever come near...
Maybe Im scared of getting hurt by people that I rather get hurt by myself and all the decisions I made...
Why am I extremist emo kid!
Breakfree! Its friday!
Till then peeps!

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纪念爱情旅程4.
第一次, 我们拥抱的地方。
偶尔经过, 会特别感伤。

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想念你的心, 装满的你所有的表情。
我写的日记, 都是你我曾经的回忆。

Dedicate to you: 你好吗? - Jay Zhou

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Its mid week!
Have been rather busy with work...
Something big happened and was kinda traumatised by it...
Well, thats the unpredictable of life...
Had been having pretty bad gastric...
Guess I need someone to tame me!
Lol. Still abit stubborn and not eating properly...
Geez...
45 more days to 2nd year of break up...
Wonder if I can really take it...
Aja aja fwighting brig!!

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I hate that feeling when I'm trying my hardest not to cry in front of someone, yet as soon as they ask me ,"Are you okay?", I just lost it

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As I was browsing the photos...
I found this photo...
If time could stop at that moment...

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Thursday! 1 more day to Friday!
Hopefully no OT!
Feeling sick...
Hated migrain..
Hopefully I can tide it through today...
Work has been getting me busy...
But as days past, getting even emo...
Even the busy schedule you still occupies my mind..
Is that love?
The love that is always kept in the heart...
The love that will never be forgotten...
Had been feeling lazy...
Spending my weekend lazing at home...
Gotta spend this coming weekend to do something meaningful..
aja aja fwighting!

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My love still goes on...
Even if yours died so long...
You're the reason I'm holding on...
Tho I knew you were moving on...

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2 more months to 2 years of breakup...
Have been rather busy for the past few weeks...
Shall resume my 纪念爱情旅程 soon...
The next thing shall be writing to 933 音乐爱情日记.
I still remember I ever dedicate a song to him.
The song is 说好的幸福呢 - 周杰伦.
In my dedication I wrote "你就是我的幸福"
Shall start writing my story...
Stay tune to 933 音乐爱情日记!

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如果没有你...

如果没有你...

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Monday blues.
Getting abit emo today...
Brought lunchbox today...
Linguine for lunch!
Using that lunchbox we used to pack the food we cook for lunch...
Missing those days when we will cook together for our lunch...
Heating it up over lunch and enjoying the food we cook with many envious eyes...
Its no longer this way...
Gotta move forward!
Aja aja fwighting!

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Have been pretty busy since the last week...
More of work that occupies my mind!
Finally the PC show is over!
I got S3!!
New handphone!!
A way of rewarding myself for all these years of working hard...
Time to learn how to love myself more!
It was a splurge on IT stuff which I usually don't!
I got the excuse of being in a mobile phone company how can probably be using that miserably outdated phone!
Im so going to purchase those accessories from my company!
Gonna start exploring with it!!
Till then peeps!

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292nd day.
这个伤口，能很快就愈合吗?
留下狠狠的疤痕，就象是纪念品。
还是因为舍不得放手，才显得有多么狼狈?
也许让自己太放任，太执著了。

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纪念爱情旅程3 - 味多美炸鸡西餐 @ Blk 371。
那些年，我们爱吃的。
半只鸡套餐。

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纪念旅程2: 豆花 - Rochor Original Beancurd.
那些年，我们特地到那里吃过的豆花。

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588th day.
Getting very emo...
Every night, my dream is all about you...
Dreamt that we had the deepest kiss and we fall in love again...
Like a fairytale storyline..
Dreamt that we did silly things together...
Its Tuesday!
Gonna keep myself busy busy for the week!!
Aja aja fwighting all!

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Im 26 today!
Alone at home!
Ws looking at the photos we took on my 24th birthday!
Where you brought me to batam!
Had been 2 years I grew older without you...
Such a teary day...
Missing you...

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87 days more to 2 years of breakup.
3 more days to turning a year older...
Life had been filled with ups and down...
But thats life, never always smooth and thats make life challenging...
For the birthday resolution, I hope I can be even stronger!
Perhaps, I want to study MBA to keep myself busy...
Busy from all those 'think too much'..
TGIF!! Peeps! Enjoy the upcoming weekend!!

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88 more days.
Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I hope I can be abit stronger...
Migrain day.
Didn't sleep well with lots of thoughts in the head...
Two voices coming into me...
One reminded me of all his sweetness and things he did for me...
The other reminded me why we ended up breaking up...
Confused mind!
I hope work can keep me busy from all these voices!
I wish for a firm decision...
A decision Im firm with..
A decision with no influence on whatever people commented...
A decision of what my heart says...

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582nd day after breakup.
I ponder why the emotions so strong...
In fact, all the while I hide myself from all those feelings...
Actually, Im the one that is still holding on...
During this period, what I said about him is all how nice he treated me...
Does it always occur that when you lost the things, you will always remembered whats good and regret the decision made??
Yesterday, I decided to go to eat the mee soto he used to bring me eat...
And unknowingly, I walked to his flat...
I looked up to his unit from the carpark...
Tears just flow...
Had an impulse to msg him...
But lack of that courage when I remembered him saying its inconvenient...
At times I thought if I want it back, I gotta make a brave move...
But it always struck me off with the words he said...
Well, I really wanna fight for it but just lack of the courage...

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纪念爱情旅程 1: Mee Soto @ Aliff, Bukit Gombak.
90 more days to 2 years of breakup..
那些年，我们一起吃过的。
我还到他家楼下，默默的怀念。
以为会很坚强的，却还是哭了。

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¡a!qqn7 'n 55!W I

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I had a dream last night..
Dreamt that we met at mrt..
He said he din lost the ring and gave it to me telling me to wait for him...
Suddenly it seems he mature alot...
He ask me to wait for his good news as he is going to select our flat...
And then he will propose...
When I woke up...
I wished everything is that of my dream...
I wore back to ring he gave...
Theres alot of sudden gushes of memory flashed back..
Now I realise its me that is still holding back...
And I thought I had put it behind, in fact I still love him...
If things can be rewind, I would try harder to maintain our relationship...
Even if you push me away...
IMY! <3

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Two hands are meant to be held, yet tightness of the grip maybe suffocating and the losing of the grip will let go the reason of holding on.

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Had been long since the last update...
Well, life as usual.
Bored. Emo.
Long journey to work.
But less OT!
Not really comfy for me...
As a workaholic me, to keep myself bz from thinking too much...
Had been thinking way too much...
Looking back to old days...
Reminiscing...
But life could never rewind...
I would rather I got memory lost..
At least I wont be so emo about the past...
But its the happy times that make me emo and regret why I didnt treasure...
Im sure I can move on!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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如果我们现在在一起会是怎样?

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Blogging time!!
Its gonna be a long weekend!!
Im so looking forward!!
Next week heading TW!!
Finally finish all those planning last weekend!!
Im so excited about the food im gonna eat and the activities planned!!
Photos and more photos!!
Its gonna be a good month!!!
Till then peeps!!
More updates soon!

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Another week starting!!
Its monday!!
Such a bluey day!!
Today will be a pretty busy day!
Didnt sleep well...
Hopefully its gonna be a better week ahead!
Update!
Last sat was Xin big day!
Really very happy for her..
Seeing her so blissfully married...
Must stay that blissful together forever ya!
Wopps! Suddenly I also got that impulse to get married...
Lol! Well, find the right one first ya..
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday.
Didnt sleep well last night.
Keep waking up...
Was bothered by something...
Well, Dad will be with no job from next week onwards...
And he seems to have no intention of getting a job...
Whats worst, he is spending money on unnecessary stuffs!
Sis is still finding job...
The youngest will be going U next year...
The family finance support lies with me...
Somehow I feel it heavy...
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!
*shoo shoo emo-ness*

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Its Tuesday!!
Few more days to my dearie big day!!
Am so excited!!
Yet my dieting plan keeps failing me!
Those tempting me!!
Shall exercise for the week!!
Well, some updates!
Last sat met up with DHL peeps!
It was a funfilled day!!
Makan, movie, massage & more makan!!
I really miss them alot!!
Next time we shall organise luk luk session!
But maybe skip the massage??
Its pretty pain!!
On Sunday met up with my sweet galfrewn to IT show..
Madness with the crowd!
Yet, it was an enjoyable day!
Seems like we have endless topic to talk about!
Alright, will update more again..
Its a long journey to work again...

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Its midweek!
Am looking forward to Saturday!!
Miss those DHL peeps!!
I miss working with these nice people!!
Yesterday a cab uncle say I work so far...
Temporary should be ok..
But permanent, unless you really love the job...
I ponder... with no answer...
The environment here is so much different...
Am I not adapting well??
Its a topic to think through...
Had thought abit yesterday...
Well, a hectic week ahead!
Hope I can pull it through!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!

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Its Saturday!
Am on duty today!
Was a real hectic day!

So many orders to release for the day!
Well, its means more money for the company!
Such a boring day...
Meeting galfrewns later for some chilling and gossip session!
So looking forward!
I love it when I am with them!
You can never imagine how many thoughts women had been thinking
And we just need someone to share with!
Whatever the emotions we had....
The confused mind when faced with many situations
Women are not that strong at times
Fear of making the wrong decision
Especially when it is the insecurity that is obstructing..
That is also my weakness..
Always feeling the insecurity
What makes it worst is I don't even say it out!
When I felt uncomfy with him being so close to girls...
I didn't mention much and take it with stride saying that I am ok...
I just don't always speak whats in the mind and what I felt...
Acting that I am fine with anything when actually I am not!
I am trying to learn to be more opened up towards my own feeling and thoughts..
Well, Aja Aja Fwighting Brig!

Thursday.
Im not sure what got into me to suddenly search for his news..
Yet I realised I was blocked in his list..
It hurts.
Really hurts.
Yet, I know its the pain that will numb me and eventually heal me from the wound..
Just like that of sprinkling salt at the wound.
Though it really hurts tremendously,
It heals the wound...
Sound like an extremist.
Well, today a very long day.
Chilling out with lovely peeps!
Just put emo aside and enjoy the dinner date!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday!!
This week past very fast!!
A brand new month starts!
1 March my lovely sister and Mary's birthday!
Had been long since we last met!
Am so so looking forward to the dinner today!!
Keep all those emo-ness I had!!
Let this be a happy day!!
The positive of the mind shall set everything RIGHT!!
Learning to pamper myself more...
Meet more people...
Living life to its fullest!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Tuesday!!
3.5 more working days for me!!
Yawns...
Its gonna be another long day...
But at least Im occupied with work and the mind doesn't wander too much...
Gonna keep myself busy from negative thots...
Gonna love myself more!
But everything said easier than done.
Well, am trying hard!
Shall balance my life!
Work play and have fun!!
Isn't that should be the way!!
Had been catching up with frewns and I love it this way!
Cos they are my best love of my life!
Live life to the fullest!!

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Its monday!!
Am wearing blue to fight the monday blues!!
MRT keeps stopping!!
Am I going to be late!!
Gosh!!
Wads worst is I didnt bring brolly!!
This monday cant start any better than this!!!
Well, I hope its gonna be a good day!
Aja aja fwighting peeps!!

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Blogging Time~!
Yesterday went out to Mink with Stacy and her frewns..
It was filled with highness and fun!
The music was nice earlier when it suddenly changed to Trance!
The dance floor was small and cramped with people~!
I guess that is why guys love it!
Reached home at 4am!
Madness is I woke up at 8am!
Went back to sleep and woke up at 11am!
Head straight to church! ><
Its getting dread cos its SUNDAY and the next day its MONDAY!
This coming weekend will be on standby for work...
So its gonna be a 5.5 day work week for me!
As I was reading my past posts...
I realise how sharp I wrote on the every feeling I had...
Like what my teachers always said that my writings 一针见血.
Some may sound rather harsh..
And when I read it through it just hit straight into the heart!
That feeling just came back so promptly..
Well, I don't wanna be lost again...
Great that I have friends with me~
Love them all!! Especially when they even arranged matchmaking session!
Geez! How can I stop loving those besties I have!<3

Its Saturday!
Feeling so lazy!
Just back from the long due pre-employment checkup..
Camped over at ECP last night...
Had dinner at ECP, played card games and sleeping time...
This morning had breakfast with dad at MCD~!
Fattening!!!
Well, I guess I should start with my Just Dance on the Wii!!
Though sleepy..
Was invited by Stacy to join her for the party at Mink!
Another round of dancing!!
Guess after a week of stressful work..
Its time to let the hair down and dance through the night!
Though we just had dancing session last week with all those matchmaking stuffs!~
Wopps! I just said I'm on matchmaking session!!
Well, cos ppl are scared that I'm gonna left on the shelf!!!
Okie! I will try harder ya!
I won't take it as a matchmaking session..
Rather I find it as a session to know more friends!
People from a different world from mine...
Was nice knowing those guys...
Though the golden tortise was the main topic...
Quite an intelligent and cute guy from the conversation throughout...
Got good body trained!
Quite a good catch but can be quite stressful with his intelligence..
I believe Stacy would be able to match up with him on the debating session adding sparks!
Till then peeps! Gonna start dancing on my Wii to warm up for the night!~

?

Had been long since I last update my blog!! Alot of changes happened. A new job which Im not sure if I can adapt well. Daily travelling from west to east. Well, I hope things will get better. Like I always say... Aja Aja Fwighting!! After watching series of drama, begin to start pondering, did some soul searching... realise that some decisions made may be wrong.. yet nothing can be rewind.. so its the future that I do not want to repeat the same again. Heavy monday blues. Im lost once again!!

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Had been long since I last update this blog...
Updates! Had gotten a job offer and I will be working at CHANGI next year!
Well, Im like looking forward and yet reluctant to leave...
Looking forward to the new and fun environment that I will be in...
Reluctant to leave my beloved and wonderful team...
I'm so so gonna miss them loads!!
It's really fun working with them...
The teamwork we had and those laughter we shared...
Yawnz. Had a whole day of shopping...
Need to head bed!
Night peeps!

Have been long since I last update my blog.
The past 1 month had been really busy with stock take preparation and all.
Drown myself with all the work to keep myself from not thinking so much.
Well, the past few days, many things happened.
My sis's boyfriend's mum pass away.
When she was diagnose for cancer, they said there is 6 more months.
But suddenly she just left.
Thats how fragile life can be.
Had been praying for her
though we never met.
Am still praying for her, may her soul rest in peace and that my sis's boyfriend's family to stay strong through this period.
As I was clearing those photos, I was reminded...
The happy days we had...
The things you had done to make my day
I'm not sure why we ended up this way.
I made my move, but you pushed me away.
Perhaps, things had changed.
Well, I hope things went better for everyone.
Just this moment, tears are too overflowing.
At many times, I wanted to delete those photos.
But just cant bring myself to hit the button.
Well, last weekend for this month.
I guess will be busy for the next few months.
Clearing my leaves or perhaps moving on to a better prospect.
Hope things will be going on better...
Till then peeps!

Why it felt so hurtful?
Is it delibrate??
I guess so.
Somehow so obvious.
Unknowingly the tears flow.
No matter how hard I tried to stop it, it just doesn't listen.
Attach too much feeling into it,
Suddenly need to detach it seems quite tough for me.
Its a love hate feeling!
Struggling with those mixed emotions!!
Geez. Its so torturing!!
Just let me go through this alone...
*puffy eyes*

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Tuesday. Tired.
Well 3 more days to batam with sis, her bf and mum!!
Looking forward!!
At least something I work towards for.
Think abit way too much!!
Nightmares.
Well, how can I stop myself from thinking too much??
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Shagged.
Im the next target board after the previous one was force to leave.
Well, today dunno what got into me..
I msn him...
But he went offline after few lines of communication...
Seemed so distant, yet tears do flow..
Ponder over some quedtions being adked.
And I realised that when i pteviously gave that answer at the pit of anger but truly its he who completes me.
Well, things cant be rewind.
I had changed and realised it.
But, its too late when it had ended.

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When sometimes I thought I am that strong, I realise that feminine part of me.
Needing that shoulder to rely on. Needing that hug to warm the heart.
No need those sweet nothings, just you by my side.
I miss you!
I said it to myself.

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Tuesday.
Kinda disappointed.
Well, I hope it had make me given hope and not pinning that things may happen.
What lost is a gain in another.
Once bitten, twice shy, no more the third time!
Had enough of all those heartbreaking stuffs!
Im aint cut for it!
Far too challenging for me to handle.
Perhaps Im just too slow for the game and I just dun show things, hiding all those feelings.
Thats my character I suppose.
Keeping things to myself...
Pouts! At least blogging is my way of expressing stuff!
Though at time maybe too harsh and overboard.
Geez!
Till then peeps! Gotta prepare for meeting later!

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Had been more than a year.
Looking back, I realised how stubborn, how nonsensical I was.
Perhaps, setbacks make me think better?
Though it wasn't what I meant it to be,
Yet it happened.
Well, seems like it is just me looking back.
Admitting I took everything for granted.
After going through this much, I treasure everything more.
Many times I tried to brave up all the courage I have.
Yet I just don't have the guts to say it.
Maybe its the fear of being rejected,
and all thoughts went through.
Its such a love-hate feeling!!
I'm suffocated by this feeling!!

Silence, it breaks the loudest cry.
For fear of darkness, loneliness is mine.

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Coughing coughing away!!
Feel like Im gonna cough my lungs out anytime!!
Since when my body get this weak!!
Weak in the mind cause the weak in the body??
Think abit more than usual...
Popping questions of "what if'...
Maybe its the faith that I din grab...
When made the wrong choice, any way to correct it?? But not many wrong choice made is given a chance to correct. Besides, it takes loads of courage to do that. Let not say this ego me!
Bluek!
Well, Im improving on it. I say its ego, people say its stubborn!!
Lol!!
Till then peeps!
Drowsy med!!

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I have this weird feeling...
Not sure what it is...
Dun really like it!!
Arghz!!!
Butterflies in the stomach!!
I fear!!!
My insecurity!!!

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A super angsty week before!!
Well, seems expected right after boss left.
More other people's work assigned for me to do.
Its irking seeing people pushing things around!!
Am I being too nice to not rejecting them and their jobs?
I just got the feeling people pushing things to me cos there is no one to defend me.
Months to come, I hope it will be gone that includes me!!
Angsty!!!!

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Wednesday!!
Its mid week!!
Yes! Had not been staying overtime!
But yet there is this person sarcastically saying so early go home!! Arghz!! Had I OT not enough!!
And at times when other dept required help, had I not help by staying OT to do those?? Let not say those work that I had brought jome to do, working throughout the night!! Was really super pissed!!
Zzzzz. Dozing off.
Night peeps!!

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Sunday!!
Shrugs! Past few days have been thinking quite abit...
At times I wonder how are you doing?
Are you still doing well?
I hope its better.
I will always be there, selflessly supporting you.
Ponder about it, even when people badmouth me about you, I will always feel upsetted. Cos I know you treat me the best, even give in to all my stubborn acts & attitude. IMY LOADS!!
Something I can only say it out here only.

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Weekend passed so quickly!!
Yawnz!
Monday blues!!!
But tmr is hols!!
Hohoho!!!
A very shag day!!
Why do I think about it??
Too much of drama??
Well, Im not sure if this feeling I am having is true??
But, I will never ever able to have that courage to make that lil move to even make things happen!
Guess its bcos that timid me!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Friday!!
Finally a friday I can rest.
Yesterday, had a dream.
Seems so real...
But I know it is just a dream.
People says the thing you dream is what your mind sub-consciously thinking about it..
So did I still miss him??
Have been burrowing myself with work and other stuffs to keep myself from thinking too much...
The spinister mind, WORK!
Yes. It is my darkest secret.
Bleahs!!
Hopefully today is a smooth day!!
Had enough of all the scoldings in the office.
Though the target is not me, it is really dampening the motivation to work is the 'roaring' environment!!
What worst if its her moodswing!!
Please let me have a peaceful day!!!
Today going to treat boss for his farewell...
Feel abit being abandon here...
But still thankful for him.
1 more week till his last day in hell!!
All the best boss!!!

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Thursday.
Weekend is coming!!!
But Im not looking forward to it!!
Sat have to come back for course...
Ahem. How to handle difficult customer...
Wonder if does it help??
Attended quite a number of such courses but seems like theory cant be put into practical in real life...
We shall see...
Yawnz...
Coughing with all those nose blowing...
Cant feel my nose now and am with that sexy voice for weeks!!
Shrugs!
*shoo shoo virus*
When I was last sick with all this...
I had someone making me ginger coke for work...
Making sure I drink finish...
Reminding me not to OT...
Bleahz!!
But now.. I dunno how to make that ginger coke that taste just that...
Well, guess I need more rest bar!!
Beauty sleep!!! On Sunday lo...
*drowsy drowsy*
Must be the after effect of the medicine...
Wonder I can tahan for the work...
Aja aja fwighting!!!!

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Wednesday...
Its mid week!!!
Well, hopefully things will get better though still feeling super sick...
With a clown nose on and just cant stop coughing!!!
Wad have I done to my health??
Gotta take care of myself!!
"You're the love of my life" this old skool song keep reflecting on my mind...
The lyrics so simple yet convey the deepness of true love...
As the lyric goes...
You are the love of my life, I know it right from the start..
If I had knew it right from the start, there wont be any regrets...
Cough cough...
Geez, reaching office.
Till then peeps!!

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Monday. Bluey day!!
Yesterday was a wedding filled day.
My dear xin had her solemnization!!
Seeing her saying the vows to her loved ones...
So touching!! *teary eyes*
Next is my dear colleague shermine...
Blissful ceremony, making those vows...
Feeling so sentimental...
Well, its making me so envious
People ask when is mine...
Erm... how to answer??
Im career focused at the moment..
Seems like a spinister answer...
Wopps!!
Till then peeps!!
To the newly wedded...
Blissful marriage!

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Thursday.
Went home early yesterday!
Had a super early night!
Was super tired yesterday...
Well, was a good night sleep.
Didnt think anything too much...
Cough and sore throat still pestering me...
Had been down with it for weeks!!
Gotta learn to better take care of myself instead of torturing...
With emotions and all those work...
At this point, Im not sure where the route in front of me is heading to...
So insecured...
Well, not sure whats the next step I should be taking...
We'll see...

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