也许...

也许，我在等着...

也许，我应该更勇敢的...

也许，所有的防备该御下了...

分手准准五年了。
想想，还是有些舍不得，很舍不得。
曾经习惯性的有你陪伴，有你呵护，体贴。
当初说的分手，不是因为不爱了，而是放手才能让彼此更好过。
这一放手，我一直都很后悔，因为我知道我再也找不到第二个你。
有几次想鼓起勇气，争取自己决定的幸福，但却害怕自己没办法给你幸福。
也许现在的你，已经很幸福了。
我也只能默默的打听你的消息，只是想知道你一切都过得很好。
或许你是我那个对的人，只是在错的时间相爱了。

依然爱着你，
彬

1 more day to 5 years of breakup.
Looking back, it makes me ponder a lot.
Grown up? Not.
Felt like I am still 原地踏步.
At many times, I told myself to move on.
But to step out seems so difficult.
Not sure what am I holding on.
Sometimes I feel like I am so used to bottle things up to myself, which maybe why I build up walls high.
If I were a bit braver, if I am less afraid of getting hurt, what will be of me?
Another 5 years later, will I be a better me?
To the future me, life is really too short to bottle up so much to yourself.
Letting go may not be easy but taking a step by step could bring you to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Be it relationship or any other, just don't regret on the decision made.
At many times I want to close down this blog but it had many memories that I do not want to delete.
Perhaps, when I am gone or lost my memory, there is something to look back.

因为爱的深，所以难以释怀？
也许一辈子无法释怀，就只能这样默默的爱着。

To: Our Beloved Nacho Baby

You left us on 7-Nov evening, at 11 months old.
Tears flowing from the whole family on your departed.
You know who much we love you, pamper you, dote you.
From the day you came to our family, you brought us joy and happiness.
Seeing you grow up from a little baby bunny.
Though you will bite me, scratch me while I carry you, I still always come to you to carry you and hug you.
Still remember those days when you were still a baby, we fed you milk, really like a son to our family.
We pull you to join in the video for your daddy's proposal video and you had done a good job!
Dear Baby Nacho, though you had left us, you will always be on our hearts.
The moments of joy and happiness you had brought to our family will never be forgotten.
Now you had grown wings to go up to heaven.
Be a good boy there and we will always miss you here.
Rest In Peace, Nacho.

Loves,
Brig.

等      一个人再出现

愣      着窗外的画面

能      否又回到从前

我们  曾把手这样牵

PS: 你是我还在等的那个人....

最近怎么越来越忧郁了.
想你的心越来越浓烈.
回想在一起的时光
翻阅我们的照片
有好几次好想whatsapp你
却没那鼓勇气
会怕你不喜欢
怕你在气我
其实我好想知道你松开我的手的原因
你不说, 我也不知我那里做错了
或许我太依赖你?
总是对你发大小姐脾气?
对你有太多的要求?
我知道,我常常提出那些不可理喻的要求
不懂得珍惜你为我的付出
我就是那么嘴硬...
心里想的都不愿说出来.
你知道吗,我不喜欢你常常和女生来往.
但我总是嘴硬的装大方
明明的喜欢却偏偏说反话
明明的在乎却装无所谓
都分手了, 为什么还那么的放不下呢?
因为我知道,我找不到另一个你了...

太久没写blog了。
该更新一下。
平时也都只是麻木的工作。
偶尔却想起了他。
会想要主动联络他。
却没那股勇气。
知道他最近发生了一些事。
有些冲动想要慰问, 却担心他不愿看到我。
心里总觉得我是他最不想看见的过去。
明明就还很爱他的我, 只有为他祈祷着。
我不善于表达, 对他的思念也只能藏在心里。
有许多时候会幻想, 我们在一起了。
梦境里多么甜蜜, 让我只想待在梦境里。
为什么直到失去了才懂得珍惜呢？
我, 真的后悔了。
后悔把你对我的呵护当做理所当然的。
我们还能在一起吗？

Just awaken from a dream about him and realised it had been long since I last blog.
The feeling so familiar yet so far.
Had been busy with my new work life.
A different type of experience.
A new beginning I believe.
As I look back, I've grown up.
More mature, more decisive.
As the environment changes, people do change.
But if its for the better or not?
Its rather judgemental.
I believe I am doing better.
And I really hope you are too.
Reflecting during those days, I wonder why all those complications we had.
My insecurity w my lack of confidence.
My stubborness w my over-demanding expectations of you.
My jealousy I had w/o telling you and saying it's ok.
If in this relationship I could be more truthful towards my feelings, it could have been better?
Its the walls I build up around me.
The fear of getting myself hurt.
And hearing from my surrounding, love that last seems to happen only in fairytales.
Where many heartbrokens due to third party, se* scandals, etc.
Which love can be true?
When feelings fade, all that is left are memories.
And only the ones that were being left, hold on to those memories.

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4 years ago...
It was like today...
Raining...
But unlike 4 years ago...
You were there to give me warmth...
Now Im left without your embrace...
If we were still together...
It would have been our 4th year...
On this day I went to eat the fav food we used to love eating...
Emotions and memories gushes as I walk pass the route we used to take...
I walked pass your flat...
Deepest down my heart I wished I would bump into you...
Those little fantasy which only dramas have it...
Tears, my eyes could no longer hold anymore...
It just flows endlessly...
Its gonna be a tough, emo & cold night...

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Have been really long since i last blogged...
Just woke up from a dream...
Dreamt that we are back together...
Its the third time since we break up that Im having this dream...
And its only this year that me dreaming of him gets often...
Heart pounding fast...
Perhaps dream and reality will never be the same...
I wished I wouldn't wake up from it...
Does it mean that Im still thinking about him?
A question that is worth thinking through as to what I really want..
Till then peeps!

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I had a dream...
Of you...
A very different you...
A matured you...
A dream I wished I could sleep on...
Dreaming all about you...
The heart was pounding really fast when I woke up...
Is there still love?
I knew things couldn't rewind...
Yet, still pinning hope that he will return...
Stubborn girl!!
Was down with gastric flu...
Pretty bad with rushings to washroom...
I wanna a healthy life!!
Balance life!
Weekend is ending soon!
Dear peeps aja aja fwighting for the upcoming week!
Till then!

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At NUH visiting my colleague...
As I pass by the emergency area...
I remembered accompany you and your mum for your back pain till 4 am...
Even went back work the next day...
I can still remember vividly how fearful I was...
So worried about you while waiting...
At that time...I know its love...
The love I had for you..
I never regret of us being together
Just regret that I didnt treasure you more than I should that make you let go my hand...
It was hurtful...
But I feel I deserve it for being such a difficult person...
Difficult to please...
Demanding...
Stubborn...
But you just let me go my way...
Consuming all my nonsensical demand..
But I wanna say...I Love You to bits!
The things you do for me I really appreciate...
Just hope you are getting on really well...
As I always say to you..  aja aja fwighting lubbie!
21 more days to 2 years of breakup.

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Had been pretty emotional...
Everything seemed so insecured...
Very insecured...
A job that I might lose anytime...
A status that is complicated...
A family I had to feed...
A life that is not I wanted...
Did the wound transform me into someone im not?
I begin to feel that Im not myself...
Feels like Im wearing a smily mask to face whats coming...
Even when I need a shoulder, I dare not ask for it...
Cos ego was on the way and im always on my brave front...
The barriers built up so tall around me...
That no one can ever come near...
Maybe Im scared of getting hurt by people that I rather get hurt by myself and all the decisions I made...
Why am I extremist emo kid!
Breakfree! Its friday!
Till then peeps!

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纪念爱情旅程4.
第一次, 我们拥抱的地方。
偶尔经过, 会特别感伤。

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想念你的心, 装满的你所有的表情。
我写的日记, 都是你我曾经的回忆。

Dedicate to you: 你好吗? - Jay Zhou

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Its mid week!
Have been rather busy with work...
Something big happened and was kinda traumatised by it...
Well, thats the unpredictable of life...
Had been having pretty bad gastric...
Guess I need someone to tame me!
Lol. Still abit stubborn and not eating properly...
Geez...
45 more days to 2nd year of break up...
Wonder if I can really take it...
Aja aja fwighting brig!!

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I hate that feeling when I'm trying my hardest not to cry in front of someone, yet as soon as they ask me ,"Are you okay?", I just lost it

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As I was browsing the photos...
I found this photo...
If time could stop at that moment...

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Thursday! 1 more day to Friday!
Hopefully no OT!
Feeling sick...
Hated migrain..
Hopefully I can tide it through today...
Work has been getting me busy...
But as days past, getting even emo...
Even the busy schedule you still occupies my mind..
Is that love?
The love that is always kept in the heart...
The love that will never be forgotten...
Had been feeling lazy...
Spending my weekend lazing at home...
Gotta spend this coming weekend to do something meaningful..
aja aja fwighting!

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My love still goes on...
Even if yours died so long...
You're the reason I'm holding on...
Tho I knew you were moving on...

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2 more months to 2 years of breakup...
Have been rather busy for the past few weeks...
Shall resume my 纪念爱情旅程 soon...
The next thing shall be writing to 933 音乐爱情日记.
I still remember I ever dedicate a song to him.
The song is 说好的幸福呢 - 周杰伦.
In my dedication I wrote "你就是我的幸福"
Shall start writing my story...
Stay tune to 933 音乐爱情日记!

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如果没有你...

如果没有你...

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Monday blues.
Getting abit emo today...
Brought lunchbox today...
Linguine for lunch!
Using that lunchbox we used to pack the food we cook for lunch...
Missing those days when we will cook together for our lunch...
Heating it up over lunch and enjoying the food we cook with many envious eyes...
Its no longer this way...
Gotta move forward!
Aja aja fwighting!

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Have been pretty busy since the last week...
More of work that occupies my mind!
Finally the PC show is over!
I got S3!!
New handphone!!
A way of rewarding myself for all these years of working hard...
Time to learn how to love myself more!
It was a splurge on IT stuff which I usually don't!
I got the excuse of being in a mobile phone company how can probably be using that miserably outdated phone!
Im so going to purchase those accessories from my company!
Gonna start exploring with it!!
Till then peeps!

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292nd day.
这个伤口，能很快就愈合吗?
留下狠狠的疤痕，就象是纪念品。
还是因为舍不得放手，才显得有多么狼狈?
也许让自己太放任，太执著了。

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纪念爱情旅程3 - 味多美炸鸡西餐 @ Blk 371。
那些年，我们爱吃的。
半只鸡套餐。

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纪念旅程2: 豆花 - Rochor Original Beancurd.
那些年，我们特地到那里吃过的豆花。

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588th day.
Getting very emo...
Every night, my dream is all about you...
Dreamt that we had the deepest kiss and we fall in love again...
Like a fairytale storyline..
Dreamt that we did silly things together...
Its Tuesday!
Gonna keep myself busy busy for the week!!
Aja aja fwighting all!

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Im 26 today!
Alone at home!
Ws looking at the photos we took on my 24th birthday!
Where you brought me to batam!
Had been 2 years I grew older without you...
Such a teary day...
Missing you...

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87 days more to 2 years of breakup.
3 more days to turning a year older...
Life had been filled with ups and down...
But thats life, never always smooth and thats make life challenging...
For the birthday resolution, I hope I can be even stronger!
Perhaps, I want to study MBA to keep myself busy...
Busy from all those 'think too much'..
TGIF!! Peeps! Enjoy the upcoming weekend!!

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88 more days.
Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I hope I can be abit stronger...
Migrain day.
Didn't sleep well with lots of thoughts in the head...
Two voices coming into me...
One reminded me of all his sweetness and things he did for me...
The other reminded me why we ended up breaking up...
Confused mind!
I hope work can keep me busy from all these voices!
I wish for a firm decision...
A decision Im firm with..
A decision with no influence on whatever people commented...
A decision of what my heart says...

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582nd day after breakup.
I ponder why the emotions so strong...
In fact, all the while I hide myself from all those feelings...
Actually, Im the one that is still holding on...
During this period, what I said about him is all how nice he treated me...
Does it always occur that when you lost the things, you will always remembered whats good and regret the decision made??
Yesterday, I decided to go to eat the mee soto he used to bring me eat...
And unknowingly, I walked to his flat...
I looked up to his unit from the carpark...
Tears just flow...
Had an impulse to msg him...
But lack of that courage when I remembered him saying its inconvenient...
At times I thought if I want it back, I gotta make a brave move...
But it always struck me off with the words he said...
Well, I really wanna fight for it but just lack of the courage...

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纪念爱情旅程 1: Mee Soto @ Aliff, Bukit Gombak.
90 more days to 2 years of breakup..
那些年，我们一起吃过的。
我还到他家楼下，默默的怀念。
以为会很坚强的，却还是哭了。

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¡a!qqn7 'n 55!W I

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I had a dream last night..
Dreamt that we met at mrt..
He said he din lost the ring and gave it to me telling me to wait for him...
Suddenly it seems he mature alot...
He ask me to wait for his good news as he is going to select our flat...
And then he will propose...
When I woke up...
I wished everything is that of my dream...
I wore back to ring he gave...
Theres alot of sudden gushes of memory flashed back..
Now I realise its me that is still holding back...
And I thought I had put it behind, in fact I still love him...
If things can be rewind, I would try harder to maintain our relationship...
Even if you push me away...
IMY! <3

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Two hands are meant to be held, yet tightness of the grip maybe suffocating and the losing of the grip will let go the reason of holding on.

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Had been long since the last update...
Well, life as usual.
Bored. Emo.
Long journey to work.
But less OT!
Not really comfy for me...
As a workaholic me, to keep myself bz from thinking too much...
Had been thinking way too much...
Looking back to old days...
Reminiscing...
But life could never rewind...
I would rather I got memory lost..
At least I wont be so emo about the past...
But its the happy times that make me emo and regret why I didnt treasure...
Im sure I can move on!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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如果我们现在在一起会是怎样?

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Blogging time!!
Its gonna be a long weekend!!
Im so looking forward!!
Next week heading TW!!
Finally finish all those planning last weekend!!
Im so excited about the food im gonna eat and the activities planned!!
Photos and more photos!!
Its gonna be a good month!!!
Till then peeps!!
More updates soon!

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Another week starting!!
Its monday!!
Such a bluey day!!
Today will be a pretty busy day!
Didnt sleep well...
Hopefully its gonna be a better week ahead!
Update!
Last sat was Xin big day!
Really very happy for her..
Seeing her so blissfully married...
Must stay that blissful together forever ya!
Wopps! Suddenly I also got that impulse to get married...
Lol! Well, find the right one first ya..
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday.
Didnt sleep well last night.
Keep waking up...
Was bothered by something...
Well, Dad will be with no job from next week onwards...
And he seems to have no intention of getting a job...
Whats worst, he is spending money on unnecessary stuffs!
Sis is still finding job...
The youngest will be going U next year...
The family finance support lies with me...
Somehow I feel it heavy...
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!
*shoo shoo emo-ness*

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Its Tuesday!!
Few more days to my dearie big day!!
Am so excited!!
Yet my dieting plan keeps failing me!
Those tempting me!!
Shall exercise for the week!!
Well, some updates!
Last sat met up with DHL peeps!
It was a funfilled day!!
Makan, movie, massage & more makan!!
I really miss them alot!!
Next time we shall organise luk luk session!
But maybe skip the massage??
Its pretty pain!!
On Sunday met up with my sweet galfrewn to IT show..
Madness with the crowd!
Yet, it was an enjoyable day!
Seems like we have endless topic to talk about!
Alright, will update more again..
Its a long journey to work again...

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Its midweek!
Am looking forward to Saturday!!
Miss those DHL peeps!!
I miss working with these nice people!!
Yesterday a cab uncle say I work so far...
Temporary should be ok..
But permanent, unless you really love the job...
I ponder... with no answer...
The environment here is so much different...
Am I not adapting well??
Its a topic to think through...
Had thought abit yesterday...
Well, a hectic week ahead!
Hope I can pull it through!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!

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Its Saturday!
Am on duty today!
Was a real hectic day!

So many orders to release for the day!
Well, its means more money for the company!
Such a boring day...
Meeting galfrewns later for some chilling and gossip session!
So looking forward!
I love it when I am with them!
You can never imagine how many thoughts women had been thinking
And we just need someone to share with!
Whatever the emotions we had....
The confused mind when faced with many situations
Women are not that strong at times
Fear of making the wrong decision
Especially when it is the insecurity that is obstructing..
That is also my weakness..
Always feeling the insecurity
What makes it worst is I don't even say it out!
When I felt uncomfy with him being so close to girls...
I didn't mention much and take it with stride saying that I am ok...
I just don't always speak whats in the mind and what I felt...
Acting that I am fine with anything when actually I am not!
I am trying to learn to be more opened up towards my own feeling and thoughts..
Well, Aja Aja Fwighting Brig!

Thursday.
Im not sure what got into me to suddenly search for his news..
Yet I realised I was blocked in his list..
It hurts.
Really hurts.
Yet, I know its the pain that will numb me and eventually heal me from the wound..
Just like that of sprinkling salt at the wound.
Though it really hurts tremendously,
It heals the wound...
Sound like an extremist.
Well, today a very long day.
Chilling out with lovely peeps!
Just put emo aside and enjoy the dinner date!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday!!
This week past very fast!!
A brand new month starts!
1 March my lovely sister and Mary's birthday!
Had been long since we last met!
Am so so looking forward to the dinner today!!
Keep all those emo-ness I had!!
Let this be a happy day!!
The positive of the mind shall set everything RIGHT!!
Learning to pamper myself more...
Meet more people...
Living life to its fullest!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Tuesday!!
3.5 more working days for me!!
Yawns...
Its gonna be another long day...
But at least Im occupied with work and the mind doesn't wander too much...
Gonna keep myself busy from negative thots...
Gonna love myself more!
But everything said easier than done.
Well, am trying hard!
Shall balance my life!
Work play and have fun!!
Isn't that should be the way!!
Had been catching up with frewns and I love it this way!
Cos they are my best love of my life!
Live life to the fullest!!

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Its monday!!
Am wearing blue to fight the monday blues!!
MRT keeps stopping!!
Am I going to be late!!
Gosh!!
Wads worst is I didnt bring brolly!!
This monday cant start any better than this!!!
Well, I hope its gonna be a good day!
Aja aja fwighting peeps!!

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Blogging Time~!
Yesterday went out to Mink with Stacy and her frewns..
It was filled with highness and fun!
The music was nice earlier when it suddenly changed to Trance!
The dance floor was small and cramped with people~!
I guess that is why guys love it!
Reached home at 4am!
Madness is I woke up at 8am!
Went back to sleep and woke up at 11am!
Head straight to church! ><
Its getting dread cos its SUNDAY and the next day its MONDAY!
This coming weekend will be on standby for work...
So its gonna be a 5.5 day work week for me!
As I was reading my past posts...
I realise how sharp I wrote on the every feeling I had...
Like what my teachers always said that my writings 一针见血.
Some may sound rather harsh..
And when I read it through it just hit straight into the heart!
That feeling just came back so promptly..
Well, I don't wanna be lost again...
Great that I have friends with me~
Love them all!! Especially when they even arranged matchmaking session!
Geez! How can I stop loving those besties I have!<3

Its Saturday!
Feeling so lazy!
Just back from the long due pre-employment checkup..
Camped over at ECP last night...
Had dinner at ECP, played card games and sleeping time...
This morning had breakfast with dad at MCD~!
Fattening!!!
Well, I guess I should start with my Just Dance on the Wii!!
Though sleepy..
Was invited by Stacy to join her for the party at Mink!
Another round of dancing!!
Guess after a week of stressful work..
Its time to let the hair down and dance through the night!
Though we just had dancing session last week with all those matchmaking stuffs!~
Wopps! I just said I'm on matchmaking session!!
Well, cos ppl are scared that I'm gonna left on the shelf!!!
Okie! I will try harder ya!
I won't take it as a matchmaking session..
Rather I find it as a session to know more friends!
People from a different world from mine...
Was nice knowing those guys...
Though the golden tortise was the main topic...
Quite an intelligent and cute guy from the conversation throughout...
Got good body trained!
Quite a good catch but can be quite stressful with his intelligence..
I believe Stacy would be able to match up with him on the debating session adding sparks!
Till then peeps! Gonna start dancing on my Wii to warm up for the night!~

?

Had been long since I last update my blog!! Alot of changes happened. A new job which Im not sure if I can adapt well. Daily travelling from west to east. Well, I hope things will get better. Like I always say... Aja Aja Fwighting!! After watching series of drama, begin to start pondering, did some soul searching... realise that some decisions made may be wrong.. yet nothing can be rewind.. so its the future that I do not want to repeat the same again. Heavy monday blues. Im lost once again!!

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Had been long since I last update this blog...
Updates! Had gotten a job offer and I will be working at CHANGI next year!
Well, Im like looking forward and yet reluctant to leave...
Looking forward to the new and fun environment that I will be in...
Reluctant to leave my beloved and wonderful team...
I'm so so gonna miss them loads!!
It's really fun working with them...
The teamwork we had and those laughter we shared...
Yawnz. Had a whole day of shopping...
Need to head bed!
Night peeps!

Have been long since I last update my blog.
The past 1 month had been really busy with stock take preparation and all.
Drown myself with all the work to keep myself from not thinking so much.
Well, the past few days, many things happened.
My sis's boyfriend's mum pass away.
When she was diagnose for cancer, they said there is 6 more months.
But suddenly she just left.
Thats how fragile life can be.
Had been praying for her
though we never met.
Am still praying for her, may her soul rest in peace and that my sis's boyfriend's family to stay strong through this period.
As I was clearing those photos, I was reminded...
The happy days we had...
The things you had done to make my day
I'm not sure why we ended up this way.
I made my move, but you pushed me away.
Perhaps, things had changed.
Well, I hope things went better for everyone.
Just this moment, tears are too overflowing.
At many times, I wanted to delete those photos.
But just cant bring myself to hit the button.
Well, last weekend for this month.
I guess will be busy for the next few months.
Clearing my leaves or perhaps moving on to a better prospect.
Hope things will be going on better...
Till then peeps!

Why it felt so hurtful?
Is it delibrate??
I guess so.
Somehow so obvious.
Unknowingly the tears flow.
No matter how hard I tried to stop it, it just doesn't listen.
Attach too much feeling into it,
Suddenly need to detach it seems quite tough for me.
Its a love hate feeling!
Struggling with those mixed emotions!!
Geez. Its so torturing!!
Just let me go through this alone...
*puffy eyes*

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Tuesday. Tired.
Well 3 more days to batam with sis, her bf and mum!!
Looking forward!!
At least something I work towards for.
Think abit way too much!!
Nightmares.
Well, how can I stop myself from thinking too much??
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Shagged.
Im the next target board after the previous one was force to leave.
Well, today dunno what got into me..
I msn him...
But he went offline after few lines of communication...
Seemed so distant, yet tears do flow..
Ponder over some quedtions being adked.
And I realised that when i pteviously gave that answer at the pit of anger but truly its he who completes me.
Well, things cant be rewind.
I had changed and realised it.
But, its too late when it had ended.

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When sometimes I thought I am that strong, I realise that feminine part of me.
Needing that shoulder to rely on. Needing that hug to warm the heart.
No need those sweet nothings, just you by my side.
I miss you!
I said it to myself.

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Tuesday.
Kinda disappointed.
Well, I hope it had make me given hope and not pinning that things may happen.
What lost is a gain in another.
Once bitten, twice shy, no more the third time!
Had enough of all those heartbreaking stuffs!
Im aint cut for it!
Far too challenging for me to handle.
Perhaps Im just too slow for the game and I just dun show things, hiding all those feelings.
Thats my character I suppose.
Keeping things to myself...
Pouts! At least blogging is my way of expressing stuff!
Though at time maybe too harsh and overboard.
Geez!
Till then peeps! Gotta prepare for meeting later!

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Had been more than a year.
Looking back, I realised how stubborn, how nonsensical I was.
Perhaps, setbacks make me think better?
Though it wasn't what I meant it to be,
Yet it happened.
Well, seems like it is just me looking back.
Admitting I took everything for granted.
After going through this much, I treasure everything more.
Many times I tried to brave up all the courage I have.
Yet I just don't have the guts to say it.
Maybe its the fear of being rejected,
and all thoughts went through.
Its such a love-hate feeling!!
I'm suffocated by this feeling!!

Silence, it breaks the loudest cry.
For fear of darkness, loneliness is mine.

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Coughing coughing away!!
Feel like Im gonna cough my lungs out anytime!!
Since when my body get this weak!!
Weak in the mind cause the weak in the body??
Think abit more than usual...
Popping questions of "what if'...
Maybe its the faith that I din grab...
When made the wrong choice, any way to correct it?? But not many wrong choice made is given a chance to correct. Besides, it takes loads of courage to do that. Let not say this ego me!
Bluek!
Well, Im improving on it. I say its ego, people say its stubborn!!
Lol!!
Till then peeps!
Drowsy med!!

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I have this weird feeling...
Not sure what it is...
Dun really like it!!
Arghz!!!
Butterflies in the stomach!!
I fear!!!
My insecurity!!!

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A super angsty week before!!
Well, seems expected right after boss left.
More other people's work assigned for me to do.
Its irking seeing people pushing things around!!
Am I being too nice to not rejecting them and their jobs?
I just got the feeling people pushing things to me cos there is no one to defend me.
Months to come, I hope it will be gone that includes me!!
Angsty!!!!

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Wednesday!!
Its mid week!!
Yes! Had not been staying overtime!
But yet there is this person sarcastically saying so early go home!! Arghz!! Had I OT not enough!!
And at times when other dept required help, had I not help by staying OT to do those?? Let not say those work that I had brought jome to do, working throughout the night!! Was really super pissed!!
Zzzzz. Dozing off.
Night peeps!!

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Sunday!!
Shrugs! Past few days have been thinking quite abit...
At times I wonder how are you doing?
Are you still doing well?
I hope its better.
I will always be there, selflessly supporting you.
Ponder about it, even when people badmouth me about you, I will always feel upsetted. Cos I know you treat me the best, even give in to all my stubborn acts & attitude. IMY LOADS!!
Something I can only say it out here only.

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Weekend passed so quickly!!
Yawnz!
Monday blues!!!
But tmr is hols!!
Hohoho!!!
A very shag day!!
Why do I think about it??
Too much of drama??
Well, Im not sure if this feeling I am having is true??
But, I will never ever able to have that courage to make that lil move to even make things happen!
Guess its bcos that timid me!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Friday!!
Finally a friday I can rest.
Yesterday, had a dream.
Seems so real...
But I know it is just a dream.
People says the thing you dream is what your mind sub-consciously thinking about it..
So did I still miss him??
Have been burrowing myself with work and other stuffs to keep myself from thinking too much...
The spinister mind, WORK!
Yes. It is my darkest secret.
Bleahs!!
Hopefully today is a smooth day!!
Had enough of all the scoldings in the office.
Though the target is not me, it is really dampening the motivation to work is the 'roaring' environment!!
What worst if its her moodswing!!
Please let me have a peaceful day!!!
Today going to treat boss for his farewell...
Feel abit being abandon here...
But still thankful for him.
1 more week till his last day in hell!!
All the best boss!!!

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Thursday.
Weekend is coming!!!
But Im not looking forward to it!!
Sat have to come back for course...
Ahem. How to handle difficult customer...
Wonder if does it help??
Attended quite a number of such courses but seems like theory cant be put into practical in real life...
We shall see...
Yawnz...
Coughing with all those nose blowing...
Cant feel my nose now and am with that sexy voice for weeks!!
Shrugs!
*shoo shoo virus*
When I was last sick with all this...
I had someone making me ginger coke for work...
Making sure I drink finish...
Reminding me not to OT...
Bleahz!!
But now.. I dunno how to make that ginger coke that taste just that...
Well, guess I need more rest bar!!
Beauty sleep!!! On Sunday lo...
*drowsy drowsy*
Must be the after effect of the medicine...
Wonder I can tahan for the work...
Aja aja fwighting!!!!

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Wednesday...
Its mid week!!!
Well, hopefully things will get better though still feeling super sick...
With a clown nose on and just cant stop coughing!!!
Wad have I done to my health??
Gotta take care of myself!!
"You're the love of my life" this old skool song keep reflecting on my mind...
The lyrics so simple yet convey the deepness of true love...
As the lyric goes...
You are the love of my life, I know it right from the start..
If I had knew it right from the start, there wont be any regrets...
Cough cough...
Geez, reaching office.
Till then peeps!!

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Monday. Bluey day!!
Yesterday was a wedding filled day.
My dear xin had her solemnization!!
Seeing her saying the vows to her loved ones...
So touching!! *teary eyes*
Next is my dear colleague shermine...
Blissful ceremony, making those vows...
Feeling so sentimental...
Well, its making me so envious
People ask when is mine...
Erm... how to answer??
Im career focused at the moment..
Seems like a spinister answer...
Wopps!!
Till then peeps!!
To the newly wedded...
Blissful marriage!

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Thursday.
Went home early yesterday!
Had a super early night!
Was super tired yesterday...
Well, was a good night sleep.
Didnt think anything too much...
Cough and sore throat still pestering me...
Had been down with it for weeks!!
Gotta learn to better take care of myself instead of torturing...
With emotions and all those work...
At this point, Im not sure where the route in front of me is heading to...
So insecured...
Well, not sure whats the next step I should be taking...
We'll see...

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Wednesday.
Didnt catch much sleep...
Had to complete the task given due to some stupid reason!!!
Im not obligue to help you do your work while you have more time for your idling!!
Dont even use sarcastic remarks to ask me do work too!!
I did the task till 4am!!! Shrugs!!
And I feel its not worth my effort!!!
Regret!!!!
Well, being helpful for the convenience and ease of others, really makes me feel stupid!!!
Right!! Admitting my stupidity....
Sleepy!!! Hope today is a better day!!!
Freaks!! *butterflies in stomach*
Having refresher training plus stock take meeting!!
Geez!! Aja aja fwighting!!!

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Tuesday.
Cant stop coughing and sneezing..
Pouts!!
Got this feeling not wanting to go work.
Feel abit demoralised..
No motivation to carry on..
Well, since it had been finalised, I should start planning for myself.
To carry on this way? Or pursue a better one??
Just hopped over last than a year and I believe if I do anything stupid, its really very stupid!!
Just wait and see till my 1st year finished!
Hope everything goes well today!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Today, monday, super bad day!
Alot of things cropped up.
Tsk. Im not that perfect after all.
Well, I am quite devasted.
Ponder alot today.
Not sure if I should further pursue what I want.
I make a bold move today.
Im not sure whats of the outcome will be.
But I hope it turns out well.
At least I did make a move to give myself a chance.
A very brain consuming day..
Tata. Gttg catch some sleep!!
Till then peeps!

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Sunday!!
Went to church and back to work!!
Yesh yesh!! 7 days work week!!
Still down with the sore throat and flu.
Geez! Thought the weekend could be more for me to rest.
But well, its well spent after all!
Saturday after work head down to town to meet galfrewns for late lunch! So much for the get together and the cuteness of the little one...
Aiks!! How I wish I am back to those days!!
Innocent with no worries!!
Ponder alot though...
I will work harder!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Time for some updates.
Have been feeling sick this few days..
Fever, sore throat, migrain, gastric, nausea...
All come together...
How nice!
No appetite to eat...
Dont like the bland food I had to eat...
Well.. Im craving for fast food!!
Those sinful food!!
Emo filled month...
Dont know what I should do now...
Though I know that things will change, somehow I felt lost...
Aja aja fwighting!!!

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问自己怎么了?
复杂的思绪，
撩乱了我的理智。
明明的喜欢，
却口是心扉。
因为害怕爱上对我没有感情的你。
因为知道我爱的你已爱上了别人。
我们总爱说最远的距离是我在你身边，而你不知道我爱你。
对我来说，最痛的距离是你不在我身边却在我的心里。

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Its july!!!
Passed mid year!!
So so emo!!!
Well, be it work or rs.
Thinking alot about things..
Sometimes I thought, if life could rewind, will I do this again?
The narrow-mind of women...
Revenge-filled anger...
Tsk.
No soul mate to talk to that really understand me ..
As the saying goes, people change and never judge a book by its cover...
How on earth am I able to survive...
Perhaps, I had over-relied on you.
And now Im so lost without you.
Cos you were my support whenever I need till you changed...
Well. Im looking back...
Abit pathetic ya...
Thats me. Pathetic & unloved.

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Time for some update...
Had been rather busy...
Yesterday I had a dream...
I dreamt that we went school together...
Doing those funny things together...
I mish those days...
Though there is ups and downs, we often able to conquer those barriers faced...
Those lil suprises you did to make me happy...
Geez... What am I pinning on?
He has his freedom now...
But why that jealousy gets more whenever I see thos pics....
Well, thinking abit too much...
Till then peeps!

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Blogging time!!
Today is Wednesday!!
Why its like everyday Im so deprieve of sleep...
Yawnz...
Lost my wallet last week....
Sobx....
Have been quite careless this few weeks.
Ngeh!!
As I was doing my search of my lost wallet, I found stuffs...
The things I used to make for you...
The things that was not being able to give...
Geez.
Well..
Hopefully this week will be a better week...
Friday having training at singpost paya lebar...
Aja aja fwighting!!!!!

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Updates!!
Birthday passed..
Im 25!! Omg!! 1/4 of a century I had lived!
Had dinner with family...
After which join colleagues with some drinking at clarke quay...
Waited for the whole day for his msg...
But to avail, no msg was sent by him..
Was utterly disappointed...
Tsk. Why would I care so much when he doesn't?? Its time to let go?? Starting to ask why persevered??
Had been thinking alot...
My resolution moving towards 26...
Is to buy my dream house!!

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Tuesday!!
Gotten rid of monday blues!
Super busy monday!
Geez.
Last sat had a great chill out session with galfriends!!
Loves meeting up with them!!
Cos its always so filled with laughter and joy!!
Had given much thoughts to things...
Perhaps, im not that capable...
Well, not sure if I should stay on or its an opportunity to fight for it..
But given the situation, im not the apple of the eye.
Shall see how ba...
Aja aja fwighting!!
Till then peeps!

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Wednesday.
Had a great day yesterday...
Watched movie...
Walked around orchard...
I used that happy mood to hide off my everyday emo-ness...
Pretty obvious tho...
But I just don't want anyone to be worried about me...
Im ok being alone...

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Even if the whole world doubt me..
Even if everyone were to show their back on me...
I know you will always be there for me...
And I will definitely do so for you...

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Monday.
Am wearing blue again!
Puffiness in the eyes...
Cried till I slept...
Not sure why...
Broading over things...
Now other than being lost...
I found my way by drowning myself with all the wrk...
Make myself too tired to think more..
You may say its escaping things...
And yes I am!
I did that previously...
Not letting myself to be into another relationship so that I wont be hurt...
Until I met you and I thot you would be different...
But yet the ending is the same...
Now Im back to that stage...
Not believing in anyone..
Not committing myself into any relationship...
Cos it really hurt too much...
Too much for me to cope...
Well. I shall just focus on my job at this moment..
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Sunday.
Pretty emo day for me.
I saw that box..
That was given to me 2 years ago...
And it always reminded me that most touching thing you did for me.
Though it doesn't take much money, its the effort that touches right in my heart.
To you, you may think that Im not the one for you.
But as always, I believe you are the one.
I believe so.. even when we had bad quarrels.
Cos I know each quarrels we had would just make our relationship stronger.
But when I knew you had lost the ring, I knew you had a change of your heart.
Im no longer the person you love.
Im just like a thorn in your eyes.
Someone annoying...
As I step out of your circle of life, you seemed happier, more carefree.
And then I ponder...
Had I been the one hindering in your life.
Making you so tied into my world.
Ponder alot today..
But I guess things won't be able to turn back...
I still love you so...

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Wednesday.
Waking up with a serious headache!
Fell off the bed too....
Have been quite clumsy these days..
Many cuts & bruises on me...
Had a so real dream...
Dreamt that I fainted at work...
Had stitches on the head...
Finally I decided to take mc...
Worked abit too much...
Neglected my health...
Gastrics starting...
Geez...
Was reminded that my bday is coming....
Another year older...
Looking back this one year...
I've grown alot...
Less stubborn...
Less demanding..
Less irritating...
Thinking back...
I had a wonderful bday last year...
But not anymore...
While looking at those past posts..
I realise what I had wished for it had been fulfilled..
Need to think of new goals to achieve!!
Arghz!
Headache killing me...
Gttg get medication n rest well...
Till then peeps!

Ps: Never trade anything for health!

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Monday blues!!!
Good grief!!
Im wearing blue too!!
Another weekend passed
So fast!!
Did ponder about what was told to me.
Abit disappointed.
Perhaps i dont fit and not that capable to him.
Well well...
Makes me think twice and even thrice if what I did for him is worth it not.
Geez.
Heading work and thinking if I should have taken mc but yet cant bear to leave the work.
Haiz.
Positive positive positive!!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

PS: If your yesterday was you, today is me, will your tommorrow be US?

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TGIF!! Finally friday!
Hard day for the past 2 days!
Tsk.
Sometimes really make me ponder why work so hard?
People just take it for granted.
Arghz!
Insecured!!
Last day of the week!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Wednesday...
*pout*
Ponder alot today...
Accidentally I saw his blog..
Geez!
Tear abit bit...
But dunno why...
Got the breakfast we used to eat...
Suddenly missing those days...
Aja aja fwighting!!!

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Tuesday blues!! Yawnz! Otw to work... the sky so blue, the breeze so cool!! A good weather to sleep on!!

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Labor day!

Today a labor day... homely day for me.. well well... a day filled with thots... think alot.. but no conclusion out of my confused mind. Perhaps thats the insecurity of women.. wopps! The women's mind is just so difficult to understand!! So dun understand it men!! If men & women know what each other wants... it would be the best of world! No quarrels! No sexist!

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It has been long since I last blog!
I missed blogging!
Had been quite busy with work I guess..
Perhaps, it works for me to keep myself busy from too much thinking..
Geez...Another long weekend!
Im so so gonna take this time to rest well..
Had been pushing myself too much on work.
Maybe focus on work makes me stop thinking about other things...
At least for the time being...
Abit emo recently...
Not sure why?
Perhaps the changes that are happening?
Feeling really disappointed and unappreciated.
Just like whatever effort I had put in just not enough!
The challenge had put me faraway from my goal.
Blurring my vision...
Felt it this way before, thats why I choose to leave...
Now you are giving me this again...
It makes me feel like you pull me away from there and bringing me to another..
If you don't recognise my effort and ability, just let me go...
It hurts hearing all those words...
Understanding takes a lot
Don't jump into conclusion to things that never happened.
I tried and put in my best effort to make everything goes right
I don't mind people saying me being under your care no matter what..
Cos I know I am able to do the tasks given well...
Gosh! Blogging about work on its revival!!
NONO!!
Some updates about me.
Getting another year older soon...
Changes I had...
More matured, more emo
Perhaps the past I had not gotten over
But well things had to move on right?
Kind of cruel to me with those words
Well, thats MAN.
Anyway, love, Im not cut for it.
Or perhaps haven met the right one.
Work, is my priority
Health, I abuse it with work.
Friends! I missing them all!
Loads of catch up made!
Having dinner with family later
My dear sisters bday dinner!
Shall update again!
Im gonna be a frequent blogger!!
Not bottoming all the emotions!
Letting it out all here!
Tata peeps~!

Have been awhile since I last updated my blog.
EMO-NESS!~
Stressed up with project!
Can't wait till I finished my project!
Happy tots doesn't last...
Instead more disappointment...
My pride is obstructing..
My feelings are hurting..
Hate myself for being like this!
EMO-NESS is filling my life!
Opps! Going out for a movie break!
Had been long since I last watch a movie in the cinema...
A small break from today's hardwork on my project bar.
Fwighting when I come back later!
Brig! Aja Aja FWIGHTING!
Let not the weather be your mood forecast!!

Emo-ness since then...
Not sure what I really want...
For now..
No courage to really get what I want...
For fear of the hurt feeling...
Yet thoughts keep wandering..
Sometimes I ponder...
Why am I living in this world.
A world filled with disguise
Having hard time...
Learning to take things with stride..
Yet the pride is hindering..
At times when I believe those happy thoughts were true...
And yet it is always those that brought me to the lowest...
As the saying goes...
The higher the expectation, the higher one will fall when not met.
Perhaps, lowering expectation helps?
Not to pin on hopes that could never come true..
Not to depend on people other than me, myself and I..
Its been quite tiring...
With work, studies, projects, emo-nes...
Coping the gushing of emotions...
Ought to move on brig!
Fwighting!!

今天, 有很多很多的感伤.
忧郁着.
被人用冷眼对待,
很不是滋味.
一个人加班.
累了, 也没人理会.
饿了, 胃痛的毛病又犯了.
吃了一餐.
有些复杂的情绪.
不知是真是假.
也许会觉得我很随便,
很无所谓.
但我不想被这样对待,
不想只是个随手可拿的"便利贴"
心里真正要的我也不确定.
原本想忘掉的, 以为已经忘了.
现在却越来越明显.
高潮迭起的剧情
当自己处于某些情景时,
一时之间不知该如何反应.

心情日记.
回头想一想, 原来自己还是不懂得爱
是为彼此付出一切吗?
是当彼此的聆听者吗?
看了许多电视剧..
不同的爱情观..
不同的表爱方式..
"没关系"有表现"不在乎"的意思.
因为在乎彼此所以相爱
"没关系"这三个字, 不该在彼此沟通里出现.
别说你知道你不能给对方什么,
因为你是否曾经了解他真正的需要.
别说一切都是为我好,
因为我的好不是由你来决定.
想了想,
其实我知道自己自尊心满强的.
爱面子, 所以不会把事说出来.
默默的付出
也许你看不见.

从前从前, 有一个只会爱别人的女孩.
遇到喜欢的总是无条件付出.
即使自己不喜欢的事也都会为他做.
为了投其所好, 她很努力地想走进他的圈圈.
男孩虽然对他有意,但却无法给女孩她想要的情.
因为他害怕付出, 怕自己给不了女孩承诺.
男孩始终不明白, 其实女孩要的不是那所谓的山盟海誓,而是彼此的扶持.
幸福, 不需用山盟海誓来承诺.
只是在彼此需要时, 互相扶持, 照顾.
那简单的慰问, 也都会成为点点的小幸福.
男孩总觉得女孩心, 海底针.
其实, 女孩的心, 只不过需要一个能扶持, 聆听她心声的另一伴.
爱, 很难理解.
谁又能在爱情里, 理智的思考这一切呢?

5hrs of mugging in NLB
Manage to grab some references for 2 parts of the project.
Shall continue tmr at JE!
Aja Aja fwighting!!
Let not the emotions affect my studies!!
Last project and Im done with my degree course!
Fwightng Fwighting Fwighting!!!
Need to be more discipline!!
Till then lo...

It has been awhile since I last blog.
Many things had changed.
Whether its for the better?
Its not for me to judge,
Its for me to determine.
Fell sick the past few days
Realy sick.
Started to ponder abt things.
Wads impt to my life?
I couldnt get the ans.
After watching MM lee's speech to his late wife,
Was really touched by their undying love for each other.
The mutual support given.
The true love they had for each other.
Its really hard to find the other half with so much love for each other.
Seems like in the current society,
such undying love doesn't exist.
For the fear and selfish mind of into a r/s.
Fear of taking up responsibilities...
Guess its the trend in the current society.

Going to nlb...shall focus on my project just for today!!
Shoo shoo emo-ness..
It time for the brain to work instead of the heart!!
Koi is a must for my energy booster!!
And not forgetting my beloved tauhuay!!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

Opps. It has been awhile since I last blogged.
There are many changes happening.
And I shall believe its for the better.
Perhaps at this moment..
I would be more independent
Less disappointment.
More mature
Less reliance.
Though the period maybe tough
I believe I can tide through this myself!
Never underestimate Gerl Power~
Another week to go.
Though I will miss the people here.
I believe somewhere out there
Will be a better place for me.
Yawnz.
Tired lo...
Played tennis from 7-9pm and forgot about dinner today!!!
Its so so fun!!!
I shall do this every weekend!!!
My Slimming exercise!!!
Hoho.
Gotta go sleep lo...
Tmr have to wake up early for some checkup at Bugis!
Am gonna settle my Rocher TauHuay crave!!!
Nite peeps~

Blogging on the cab...
Have been thinking about things happening...
Work.
Its getting bad to worst.
The people, the morale....
Tsk....
Ponder about things....
Feel that whenever I need support or just a listening ear...
He is always not there....
Or he is more interested in sharing his topic.
Beginning to feel more of his self centeredness...
Less meet ups
Less sparks
Just like a skool mate....
We go skool together only...
He just so so busy with his packed social activities...
And Im just like a backup plan....
Maybe he dun mean it....
But at least this is what I feel!!!!!
Disapointment and disappointment....
Now I shall not pinned any hope from him...
Arghz.... just dun seem to feel tbe togetherness anymore...
Its like an uncommitted relationship..
Reaching office.... aja aja fighting!!!!

Blogging on the bus...
On the way to batam....
Yes!! Again!!!
It has been real long since i last blog...
Many things happened...
Many emotions came...
I tot abt alot of things...
Am I not good enough??
Why people always make use of me??
Why must I always 忍气吞声??
Feeling so demoralized, so depressed.
Tried to put in a little bit more effort to make things better..
He did put in effort...
But somehow I feel...
The way he treats me...
Less patience...
More temper...
It like Im always the one pissing him off...
Less meetups, yet quarrel every meet up..
Tried to suggest some activities...
But in the end Im always left alone.
Or I had some other activities..
Perhaps, im nt that important.
Perhaps, theres no more sparks.
Future, i dont seem to see..
Pesent, i cant seem to feel...
Past, i will never get it back..
Is the effort I put still nt enough???
Its something I need to ponder...
The lack of security and stability....
Career, income, achievements, studies...
When one is getting mature while the other is still stays childish n playful, how will things go??
I tok to family and friends..
Opinion given..
But i think maybe some additional effort from me can make things better
Yet no sign of improvement.
Is it me??
When it comes to the care and concern..
When I really need someone...
He is always nt there....
Be it having social gathering or work...
2 yrs. Things changed alot.
Envt changed. People changed.
Opps. Reaching harborfront!!!
Let those sorrows stay in sg!!
Batam here I come!!!

Ps: Never make empty promises when you can't fulfill. It makes people having high expectation which results in high disappointment.

能不能就这样忍着痛, 泪不掉...
能不能就这样不去想, 装不在乎...
如果我能...
也许会释怀这一切..
情绪化的我
越来越敏感...
或许我们都变了
你越来越不知道我要的是什么.
我越来越不知道我们算什么了.
也许也许....

Feeling abit restless.
Thinking abt alot of things..
Getting older...
And its time to make plans for future...
I thought through..
With all the questions in mind...
But dunno where to get the answer...
The future...
Includes career, studies, relationship.
CAREER.
Have the directions..
Currently moving towards it...
STUDIES.
Have a lil' hard time coping with work and studies.
RELATIONSHIP.
I dunno. Just feel very tired.

Yawnz. Gttg le~ Cya peeps~
Nitex

Bday week!
Thanks to Everyone!
Had a really great day!
Those surprises.
I really appreciate it!
Muackies and huggies!!!
Thanks for always standing by me and pulling me up when Im down.
Thanks for pampering me so much with all those surprises.
Love you all to bits!!!!
Long weekend! Batam trip coming tmr!
Excited!
Till den~

This week not a good week.
OT from Tues till Sat!
Good grief.
Pushing myself really hard not to think too much
Not to be so sensitive to words.
Perhaps some emotion management
What I can say is...
Things will never like before.
It take times to heal..
But never to its original.
I begin to feel so full of complaints!
Thanks to people who listen to all my complaints!
Thanks for those people who encouraged and motivate me.
Thanks to those people who don't appreciate me.
I learn to be careless of those.
Tough time for me.
Pushing myself hard at work. Yet unappreciated.
Let go my time for revision just for the OT.
Perhaps, people had taken granted of it.
To me, its really tiring.
Never slept well..
Having nightmares of RS often
Sub-consciously I dunno why Im doing this.
People say I'm poison by RS.
Lol.
Sleepy. Yawnz.
Can I have a dreamless night?
Just purely rest???
Till then peeps~
Lubs all to bits!

Just back from work.
Am super tired.
I asked for it!
Stayed OT for 3 consecutive days.
Volunteered.
Stupidity?
Agreed!
Would rather bury myself with work than stay at home think so much.
Seriously.
Faith is losing me...
My faith is just like mustard seed.
Tsk tsk.
Disappointment. Anger.
Mixed emotions.
Angry until i cried.

Wads up with this world???

Had exams yesterday.
Its super difficult!!
Never done before such a paper that can make me feel so demoralizing.
Tsk Tsk.
I had study hard.
Perhaps I was too bothered by work.
The past few weeks had been having nitemares about work stuff
I'm not sure how long I can endure
But I will strive harder
Have 1 more assignment to complete by this weekend
And thats the last assignment for the semester
Hopefully I can clear all the modules.
Tsk.
Being quite devasted and tired this few days.
By work and by studies.
Work I really put in alot of effort.
I tried my very best.
Stayed late for OTs to clear as much as possible.
People understand how I feel
And I'm really touched and thankful I had them!
My beloved colleagues! *Huggies*
My besties and bros! *Hugs hugs*
Thanks for being there for me!
Encouraging me.
I love you guys!'
I will work harder!
As for studies,
the many assignment with my OTs
somehow difficult to manage
And plus the exam I just had,
Din had enough time to prepare.
Hopefully I could pass the exam.
Aja Aja FIGHTING!
Tsk Tsk.
I do feel sad about something.
When I need someone,
He is not the person that gib me the comfort.
Perhaps, ever since the last quarrel
Things had changed.
I feel that we are more of classmate than anymore.
I tried.
But maybe I'm not that important anymore.
I know he tried.
But perhaps he din realise.
He neglect me.
Rather spend time with colleagues than me.
Somehow I feel...
Things are not getting right...
Shooo away those negative tots!
Aja aja fighting for this last assignment!!!!

Today is the start of the change.
But didn't expect it to be so much different.
Being bossed by people to do things
which I hated.
That attitude came in.
I tried to tame it.
Emotion Management!
Never allow people to INFLUENCE YOU!!
I hid it.
I stayed late.
Just wanted to put in more effort into clearing the backlogs and all.
Perhaps I say..
Buried my sorrows with work since someone decided to do something else though the plan of revising we agreed before.
I feel depressed.
In a very low spirit.
Feeling like no one understand the emotions I'm having
Sometimes I feel
Does all these things I do is nothing to them?
Is my productivity not high enough?
Or Im just so not competent enough?

Can life be a bit Simpler?

At this point of life
Its time for some reflections
Have been feeling rather sad though
The hard work put in
Perhaps unseened
But to me I feel...
Effort you put in is not something needs to be rave on
Its the sense of achievement and satisfaction
Its all about doing your job
Satisfaction & motivation, I got it not from the management
Lately, I got it from customers
I feel they appreciate me more with the effort I put in to assist them.
And that kind of satisfaction at this point of time
did make me feel slightly better
Not that I'm really bothered about it
Just feel that am I not that good
Did I not put enough effort??
Feeling abit unappreciated.
Alot of people talked to me about it...
I understand, I try not to let emotions out
Perhaps I'm not that capable for it?
But really feel comforting talking to them
At least in the eyes of people whom I talk to
They appreciate my effort and hard work
Love them to bits!!!
Thanks guys for everything!
Tomorrow will be a better day!
Hopefully!