Another week starting!!
Its monday!!
Such a bluey day!!
Today will be a pretty busy day!
Didnt sleep well...
Hopefully its gonna be a better week ahead!
Update!
Last sat was Xin big day!
Really very happy for her..
Seeing her so blissfully married...
Must stay that blissful together forever ya!
Wopps! Suddenly I also got that impulse to get married...
Lol! Well, find the right one first ya..
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday.
Didnt sleep well last night.
Keep waking up...
Was bothered by something...
Well, Dad will be with no job from next week onwards...
And he seems to have no intention of getting a job...
Whats worst, he is spending money on unnecessary stuffs!
Sis is still finding job...
The youngest will be going U next year...
The family finance support lies with me...
Somehow I feel it heavy...
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!
*shoo shoo emo-ness*

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Its Tuesday!!
Few more days to my dearie big day!!
Am so excited!!
Yet my dieting plan keeps failing me!
Those tempting me!!
Shall exercise for the week!!
Well, some updates!
Last sat met up with DHL peeps!
It was a funfilled day!!
Makan, movie, massage & more makan!!
I really miss them alot!!
Next time we shall organise luk luk session!
But maybe skip the massage??
Its pretty pain!!
On Sunday met up with my sweet galfrewn to IT show..
Madness with the crowd!
Yet, it was an enjoyable day!
Seems like we have endless topic to talk about!
Alright, will update more again..
Its a long journey to work again...

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Its midweek!
Am looking forward to Saturday!!
Miss those DHL peeps!!
I miss working with these nice people!!
Yesterday a cab uncle say I work so far...
Temporary should be ok..
But permanent, unless you really love the job...
I ponder... with no answer...
The environment here is so much different...
Am I not adapting well??
Its a topic to think through...
Had thought abit yesterday...
Well, a hectic week ahead!
Hope I can pull it through!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!

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Its Saturday!
Am on duty today!
Was a real hectic day!

So many orders to release for the day!
Well, its means more money for the company!
Such a boring day...
Meeting galfrewns later for some chilling and gossip session!
So looking forward!
I love it when I am with them!
You can never imagine how many thoughts women had been thinking
And we just need someone to share with!
Whatever the emotions we had....
The confused mind when faced with many situations
Women are not that strong at times
Fear of making the wrong decision
Especially when it is the insecurity that is obstructing..
That is also my weakness..
Always feeling the insecurity
What makes it worst is I don't even say it out!
When I felt uncomfy with him being so close to girls...
I didn't mention much and take it with stride saying that I am ok...
I just don't always speak whats in the mind and what I felt...
Acting that I am fine with anything when actually I am not!
I am trying to learn to be more opened up towards my own feeling and thoughts..
Well, Aja Aja Fwighting Brig!

Thursday.
Im not sure what got into me to suddenly search for his news..
Yet I realised I was blocked in his list..
It hurts.
Really hurts.
Yet, I know its the pain that will numb me and eventually heal me from the wound..
Just like that of sprinkling salt at the wound.
Though it really hurts tremendously,
It heals the wound...
Sound like an extremist.
Well, today a very long day.
Chilling out with lovely peeps!
Just put emo aside and enjoy the dinner date!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday!!
This week past very fast!!
A brand new month starts!
1 March my lovely sister and Mary's birthday!
Had been long since we last met!
Am so so looking forward to the dinner today!!
Keep all those emo-ness I had!!
Let this be a happy day!!
The positive of the mind shall set everything RIGHT!!
Learning to pamper myself more...
Meet more people...
Living life to its fullest!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Tuesday!!
3.5 more working days for me!!
Yawns...
Its gonna be another long day...
But at least Im occupied with work and the mind doesn't wander too much...
Gonna keep myself busy from negative thots...
Gonna love myself more!
But everything said easier than done.
Well, am trying hard!
Shall balance my life!
Work play and have fun!!
Isn't that should be the way!!
Had been catching up with frewns and I love it this way!
Cos they are my best love of my life!
Live life to the fullest!!

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Its monday!!
Am wearing blue to fight the monday blues!!
MRT keeps stopping!!
Am I going to be late!!
Gosh!!
Wads worst is I didnt bring brolly!!
This monday cant start any better than this!!!
Well, I hope its gonna be a good day!
Aja aja fwighting peeps!!

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Blogging Time~!
Yesterday went out to Mink with Stacy and her frewns..
It was filled with highness and fun!
The music was nice earlier when it suddenly changed to Trance!
The dance floor was small and cramped with people~!
I guess that is why guys love it!
Reached home at 4am!
Madness is I woke up at 8am!
Went back to sleep and woke up at 11am!
Head straight to church! ><
Its getting dread cos its SUNDAY and the next day its MONDAY!
This coming weekend will be on standby for work...
So its gonna be a 5.5 day work week for me!
As I was reading my past posts...
I realise how sharp I wrote on the every feeling I had...
Like what my teachers always said that my writings 一针见血.
Some may sound rather harsh..
And when I read it through it just hit straight into the heart!
That feeling just came back so promptly..
Well, I don't wanna be lost again...
Great that I have friends with me~
Love them all!! Especially when they even arranged matchmaking session!
Geez! How can I stop loving those besties I have!<3

Its Saturday!
Feeling so lazy!
Just back from the long due pre-employment checkup..
Camped over at ECP last night...
Had dinner at ECP, played card games and sleeping time...
This morning had breakfast with dad at MCD~!
Fattening!!!
Well, I guess I should start with my Just Dance on the Wii!!
Though sleepy..
Was invited by Stacy to join her for the party at Mink!
Another round of dancing!!
Guess after a week of stressful work..
Its time to let the hair down and dance through the night!
Though we just had dancing session last week with all those matchmaking stuffs!~
Wopps! I just said I'm on matchmaking session!!
Well, cos ppl are scared that I'm gonna left on the shelf!!!
Okie! I will try harder ya!
I won't take it as a matchmaking session..
Rather I find it as a session to know more friends!
People from a different world from mine...
Was nice knowing those guys...
Though the golden tortise was the main topic...
Quite an intelligent and cute guy from the conversation throughout...
Got good body trained!
Quite a good catch but can be quite stressful with his intelligence..
I believe Stacy would be able to match up with him on the debating session adding sparks!
Till then peeps! Gonna start dancing on my Wii to warm up for the night!~

?

Had been long since I last update my blog!! Alot of changes happened. A new job which Im not sure if I can adapt well. Daily travelling from west to east. Well, I hope things will get better. Like I always say... Aja Aja Fwighting!! After watching series of drama, begin to start pondering, did some soul searching... realise that some decisions made may be wrong.. yet nothing can be rewind.. so its the future that I do not want to repeat the same again. Heavy monday blues. Im lost once again!!

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Had been long since I last update this blog...
Updates! Had gotten a job offer and I will be working at CHANGI next year!
Well, Im like looking forward and yet reluctant to leave...
Looking forward to the new and fun environment that I will be in...
Reluctant to leave my beloved and wonderful team...
I'm so so gonna miss them loads!!
It's really fun working with them...
The teamwork we had and those laughter we shared...
Yawnz. Had a whole day of shopping...
Need to head bed!
Night peeps!

Have been long since I last update my blog.
The past 1 month had been really busy with stock take preparation and all.
Drown myself with all the work to keep myself from not thinking so much.
Well, the past few days, many things happened.
My sis's boyfriend's mum pass away.
When she was diagnose for cancer, they said there is 6 more months.
But suddenly she just left.
Thats how fragile life can be.
Had been praying for her
though we never met.
Am still praying for her, may her soul rest in peace and that my sis's boyfriend's family to stay strong through this period.
As I was clearing those photos, I was reminded...
The happy days we had...
The things you had done to make my day
I'm not sure why we ended up this way.
I made my move, but you pushed me away.
Perhaps, things had changed.
Well, I hope things went better for everyone.
Just this moment, tears are too overflowing.
At many times, I wanted to delete those photos.
But just cant bring myself to hit the button.
Well, last weekend for this month.
I guess will be busy for the next few months.
Clearing my leaves or perhaps moving on to a better prospect.
Hope things will be going on better...
Till then peeps!

Why it felt so hurtful?
Is it delibrate??
I guess so.
Somehow so obvious.
Unknowingly the tears flow.
No matter how hard I tried to stop it, it just doesn't listen.
Attach too much feeling into it,
Suddenly need to detach it seems quite tough for me.
Its a love hate feeling!
Struggling with those mixed emotions!!
Geez. Its so torturing!!
Just let me go through this alone...
*puffy eyes*

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Tuesday. Tired.
Well 3 more days to batam with sis, her bf and mum!!
Looking forward!!
At least something I work towards for.
Think abit way too much!!
Nightmares.
Well, how can I stop myself from thinking too much??
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Shagged.
Im the next target board after the previous one was force to leave.
Well, today dunno what got into me..
I msn him...
But he went offline after few lines of communication...
Seemed so distant, yet tears do flow..
Ponder over some quedtions being adked.
And I realised that when i pteviously gave that answer at the pit of anger but truly its he who completes me.
Well, things cant be rewind.
I had changed and realised it.
But, its too late when it had ended.

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When sometimes I thought I am that strong, I realise that feminine part of me.
Needing that shoulder to rely on. Needing that hug to warm the heart.
No need those sweet nothings, just you by my side.
I miss you!
I said it to myself.

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Tuesday.
Kinda disappointed.
Well, I hope it had make me given hope and not pinning that things may happen.
What lost is a gain in another.
Once bitten, twice shy, no more the third time!
Had enough of all those heartbreaking stuffs!
Im aint cut for it!
Far too challenging for me to handle.
Perhaps Im just too slow for the game and I just dun show things, hiding all those feelings.
Thats my character I suppose.
Keeping things to myself...
Pouts! At least blogging is my way of expressing stuff!
Though at time maybe too harsh and overboard.
Geez!
Till then peeps! Gotta prepare for meeting later!

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Had been more than a year.
Looking back, I realised how stubborn, how nonsensical I was.
Perhaps, setbacks make me think better?
Though it wasn't what I meant it to be,
Yet it happened.
Well, seems like it is just me looking back.
Admitting I took everything for granted.
After going through this much, I treasure everything more.
Many times I tried to brave up all the courage I have.
Yet I just don't have the guts to say it.
Maybe its the fear of being rejected,
and all thoughts went through.
Its such a love-hate feeling!!
I'm suffocated by this feeling!!

Silence, it breaks the loudest cry.
For fear of darkness, loneliness is mine.

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Coughing coughing away!!
Feel like Im gonna cough my lungs out anytime!!
Since when my body get this weak!!
Weak in the mind cause the weak in the body??
Think abit more than usual...
Popping questions of "what if'...
Maybe its the faith that I din grab...
When made the wrong choice, any way to correct it?? But not many wrong choice made is given a chance to correct. Besides, it takes loads of courage to do that. Let not say this ego me!
Bluek!
Well, Im improving on it. I say its ego, people say its stubborn!!
Lol!!
Till then peeps!
Drowsy med!!

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I have this weird feeling...
Not sure what it is...
Dun really like it!!
Arghz!!!
Butterflies in the stomach!!
I fear!!!
My insecurity!!!

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A super angsty week before!!
Well, seems expected right after boss left.
More other people's work assigned for me to do.
Its irking seeing people pushing things around!!
Am I being too nice to not rejecting them and their jobs?
I just got the feeling people pushing things to me cos there is no one to defend me.
Months to come, I hope it will be gone that includes me!!
Angsty!!!!

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Wednesday!!
Its mid week!!
Yes! Had not been staying overtime!
But yet there is this person sarcastically saying so early go home!! Arghz!! Had I OT not enough!!
And at times when other dept required help, had I not help by staying OT to do those?? Let not say those work that I had brought jome to do, working throughout the night!! Was really super pissed!!
Zzzzz. Dozing off.
Night peeps!!

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Sunday!!
Shrugs! Past few days have been thinking quite abit...
At times I wonder how are you doing?
Are you still doing well?
I hope its better.
I will always be there, selflessly supporting you.
Ponder about it, even when people badmouth me about you, I will always feel upsetted. Cos I know you treat me the best, even give in to all my stubborn acts & attitude. IMY LOADS!!
Something I can only say it out here only.

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Weekend passed so quickly!!
Yawnz!
Monday blues!!!
But tmr is hols!!
Hohoho!!!
A very shag day!!
Why do I think about it??
Too much of drama??
Well, Im not sure if this feeling I am having is true??
But, I will never ever able to have that courage to make that lil move to even make things happen!
Guess its bcos that timid me!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Friday!!
Finally a friday I can rest.
Yesterday, had a dream.
Seems so real...
But I know it is just a dream.
People says the thing you dream is what your mind sub-consciously thinking about it..
So did I still miss him??
Have been burrowing myself with work and other stuffs to keep myself from thinking too much...
The spinister mind, WORK!
Yes. It is my darkest secret.
Bleahs!!
Hopefully today is a smooth day!!
Had enough of all the scoldings in the office.
Though the target is not me, it is really dampening the motivation to work is the 'roaring' environment!!
What worst if its her moodswing!!
Please let me have a peaceful day!!!
Today going to treat boss for his farewell...
Feel abit being abandon here...
But still thankful for him.
1 more week till his last day in hell!!
All the best boss!!!

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Thursday.
Weekend is coming!!!
But Im not looking forward to it!!
Sat have to come back for course...
Ahem. How to handle difficult customer...
Wonder if does it help??
Attended quite a number of such courses but seems like theory cant be put into practical in real life...
We shall see...
Yawnz...
Coughing with all those nose blowing...
Cant feel my nose now and am with that sexy voice for weeks!!
Shrugs!
*shoo shoo virus*
When I was last sick with all this...
I had someone making me ginger coke for work...
Making sure I drink finish...
Reminding me not to OT...
Bleahz!!
But now.. I dunno how to make that ginger coke that taste just that...
Well, guess I need more rest bar!!
Beauty sleep!!! On Sunday lo...
*drowsy drowsy*
Must be the after effect of the medicine...
Wonder I can tahan for the work...
Aja aja fwighting!!!!

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Wednesday...
Its mid week!!!
Well, hopefully things will get better though still feeling super sick...
With a clown nose on and just cant stop coughing!!!
Wad have I done to my health??
Gotta take care of myself!!
"You're the love of my life" this old skool song keep reflecting on my mind...
The lyrics so simple yet convey the deepness of true love...
As the lyric goes...
You are the love of my life, I know it right from the start..
If I had knew it right from the start, there wont be any regrets...
Cough cough...
Geez, reaching office.
Till then peeps!!

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Monday. Bluey day!!
Yesterday was a wedding filled day.
My dear xin had her solemnization!!
Seeing her saying the vows to her loved ones...
So touching!! *teary eyes*
Next is my dear colleague shermine...
Blissful ceremony, making those vows...
Feeling so sentimental...
Well, its making me so envious
People ask when is mine...
Erm... how to answer??
Im career focused at the moment..
Seems like a spinister answer...
Wopps!!
Till then peeps!!
To the newly wedded...
Blissful marriage!

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Thursday.
Went home early yesterday!
Had a super early night!
Was super tired yesterday...
Well, was a good night sleep.
Didnt think anything too much...
Cough and sore throat still pestering me...
Had been down with it for weeks!!
Gotta learn to better take care of myself instead of torturing...
With emotions and all those work...
At this point, Im not sure where the route in front of me is heading to...
So insecured...
Well, not sure whats the next step I should be taking...
We'll see...

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Wednesday.
Didnt catch much sleep...
Had to complete the task given due to some stupid reason!!!
Im not obligue to help you do your work while you have more time for your idling!!
Dont even use sarcastic remarks to ask me do work too!!
I did the task till 4am!!! Shrugs!!
And I feel its not worth my effort!!!
Regret!!!!
Well, being helpful for the convenience and ease of others, really makes me feel stupid!!!
Right!! Admitting my stupidity....
Sleepy!!! Hope today is a better day!!!
Freaks!! *butterflies in stomach*
Having refresher training plus stock take meeting!!
Geez!! Aja aja fwighting!!!

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Tuesday.
Cant stop coughing and sneezing..
Pouts!!
Got this feeling not wanting to go work.
Feel abit demoralised..
No motivation to carry on..
Well, since it had been finalised, I should start planning for myself.
To carry on this way? Or pursue a better one??
Just hopped over last than a year and I believe if I do anything stupid, its really very stupid!!
Just wait and see till my 1st year finished!
Hope everything goes well today!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Today, monday, super bad day!
Alot of things cropped up.
Tsk. Im not that perfect after all.
Well, I am quite devasted.
Ponder alot today.
Not sure if I should further pursue what I want.
I make a bold move today.
Im not sure whats of the outcome will be.
But I hope it turns out well.
At least I did make a move to give myself a chance.
A very brain consuming day..
Tata. Gttg catch some sleep!!
Till then peeps!

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Sunday!!
Went to church and back to work!!
Yesh yesh!! 7 days work week!!
Still down with the sore throat and flu.
Geez! Thought the weekend could be more for me to rest.
But well, its well spent after all!
Saturday after work head down to town to meet galfrewns for late lunch! So much for the get together and the cuteness of the little one...
Aiks!! How I wish I am back to those days!!
Innocent with no worries!!
Ponder alot though...
I will work harder!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Time for some updates.
Have been feeling sick this few days..
Fever, sore throat, migrain, gastric, nausea...
All come together...
How nice!
No appetite to eat...
Dont like the bland food I had to eat...
Well.. Im craving for fast food!!
Those sinful food!!
Emo filled month...
Dont know what I should do now...
Though I know that things will change, somehow I felt lost...
Aja aja fwighting!!!

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问自己怎么了?
复杂的思绪，
撩乱了我的理智。
明明的喜欢，
却口是心扉。
因为害怕爱上对我没有感情的你。
因为知道我爱的你已爱上了别人。
我们总爱说最远的距离是我在你身边，而你不知道我爱你。
对我来说，最痛的距离是你不在我身边却在我的心里。

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Its july!!!
Passed mid year!!
So so emo!!!
Well, be it work or rs.
Thinking alot about things..
Sometimes I thought, if life could rewind, will I do this again?
The narrow-mind of women...
Revenge-filled anger...
Tsk.
No soul mate to talk to that really understand me ..
As the saying goes, people change and never judge a book by its cover...
How on earth am I able to survive...
Perhaps, I had over-relied on you.
And now Im so lost without you.
Cos you were my support whenever I need till you changed...
Well. Im looking back...
Abit pathetic ya...
Thats me. Pathetic & unloved.

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Time for some update...
Had been rather busy...
Yesterday I had a dream...
I dreamt that we went school together...
Doing those funny things together...
I mish those days...
Though there is ups and downs, we often able to conquer those barriers faced...
Those lil suprises you did to make me happy...
Geez... What am I pinning on?
He has his freedom now...
But why that jealousy gets more whenever I see thos pics....
Well, thinking abit too much...
Till then peeps!

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Blogging time!!
Today is Wednesday!!
Why its like everyday Im so deprieve of sleep...
Yawnz...
Lost my wallet last week....
Sobx....
Have been quite careless this few weeks.
Ngeh!!
As I was doing my search of my lost wallet, I found stuffs...
The things I used to make for you...
The things that was not being able to give...
Geez.
Well..
Hopefully this week will be a better week...
Friday having training at singpost paya lebar...
Aja aja fwighting!!!!!

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Updates!!
Birthday passed..
Im 25!! Omg!! 1/4 of a century I had lived!
Had dinner with family...
After which join colleagues with some drinking at clarke quay...
Waited for the whole day for his msg...
But to avail, no msg was sent by him..
Was utterly disappointed...
Tsk. Why would I care so much when he doesn't?? Its time to let go?? Starting to ask why persevered??
Had been thinking alot...
My resolution moving towards 26...
Is to buy my dream house!!

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Tuesday!!
Gotten rid of monday blues!
Super busy monday!
Geez.
Last sat had a great chill out session with galfriends!!
Loves meeting up with them!!
Cos its always so filled with laughter and joy!!
Had given much thoughts to things...
Perhaps, im not that capable...
Well, not sure if I should stay on or its an opportunity to fight for it..
But given the situation, im not the apple of the eye.
Shall see how ba...
Aja aja fwighting!!
Till then peeps!

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Wednesday.
Had a great day yesterday...
Watched movie...
Walked around orchard...
I used that happy mood to hide off my everyday emo-ness...
Pretty obvious tho...
But I just don't want anyone to be worried about me...
Im ok being alone...

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Even if the whole world doubt me..
Even if everyone were to show their back on me...
I know you will always be there for me...
And I will definitely do so for you...

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Monday.
Am wearing blue again!
Puffiness in the eyes...
Cried till I slept...
Not sure why...
Broading over things...
Now other than being lost...
I found my way by drowning myself with all the wrk...
Make myself too tired to think more..
You may say its escaping things...
And yes I am!
I did that previously...
Not letting myself to be into another relationship so that I wont be hurt...
Until I met you and I thot you would be different...
But yet the ending is the same...
Now Im back to that stage...
Not believing in anyone..
Not committing myself into any relationship...
Cos it really hurt too much...
Too much for me to cope...
Well. I shall just focus on my job at this moment..
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Sunday.
Pretty emo day for me.
I saw that box..
That was given to me 2 years ago...
And it always reminded me that most touching thing you did for me.
Though it doesn't take much money, its the effort that touches right in my heart.
To you, you may think that Im not the one for you.
But as always, I believe you are the one.
I believe so.. even when we had bad quarrels.
Cos I know each quarrels we had would just make our relationship stronger.
But when I knew you had lost the ring, I knew you had a change of your heart.
Im no longer the person you love.
Im just like a thorn in your eyes.
Someone annoying...
As I step out of your circle of life, you seemed happier, more carefree.
And then I ponder...
Had I been the one hindering in your life.
Making you so tied into my world.
Ponder alot today..
But I guess things won't be able to turn back...
I still love you so...

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Wednesday.
Waking up with a serious headache!
Fell off the bed too....
Have been quite clumsy these days..
Many cuts & bruises on me...
Had a so real dream...
Dreamt that I fainted at work...
Had stitches on the head...
Finally I decided to take mc...
Worked abit too much...
Neglected my health...
Gastrics starting...
Geez...
Was reminded that my bday is coming....
Another year older...
Looking back this one year...
I've grown alot...
Less stubborn...
Less demanding..
Less irritating...
Thinking back...
I had a wonderful bday last year...
But not anymore...
While looking at those past posts..
I realise what I had wished for it had been fulfilled..
Need to think of new goals to achieve!!
Arghz!
Headache killing me...
Gttg get medication n rest well...
Till then peeps!

Ps: Never trade anything for health!

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Monday blues!!!
Good grief!!
Im wearing blue too!!
Another weekend passed
So fast!!
Did ponder about what was told to me.
Abit disappointed.
Perhaps i dont fit and not that capable to him.
Well well...
Makes me think twice and even thrice if what I did for him is worth it not.
Geez.
Heading work and thinking if I should have taken mc but yet cant bear to leave the work.
Haiz.
Positive positive positive!!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

PS: If your yesterday was you, today is me, will your tommorrow be US?

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TGIF!! Finally friday!
Hard day for the past 2 days!
Tsk.
Sometimes really make me ponder why work so hard?
People just take it for granted.
Arghz!
Insecured!!
Last day of the week!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Wednesday...
*pout*
Ponder alot today...
Accidentally I saw his blog..
Geez!
Tear abit bit...
But dunno why...
Got the breakfast we used to eat...
Suddenly missing those days...
Aja aja fwighting!!!

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Tuesday blues!! Yawnz! Otw to work... the sky so blue, the breeze so cool!! A good weather to sleep on!!

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Labor day!

Today a labor day... homely day for me.. well well... a day filled with thots... think alot.. but no conclusion out of my confused mind. Perhaps thats the insecurity of women.. wopps! The women's mind is just so difficult to understand!! So dun understand it men!! If men & women know what each other wants... it would be the best of world! No quarrels! No sexist!

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It has been long since I last blog!
I missed blogging!
Had been quite busy with work I guess..
Perhaps, it works for me to keep myself busy from too much thinking..
Geez...Another long weekend!
Im so so gonna take this time to rest well..
Had been pushing myself too much on work.
Maybe focus on work makes me stop thinking about other things...
At least for the time being...
Abit emo recently...
Not sure why?
Perhaps the changes that are happening?
Feeling really disappointed and unappreciated.
Just like whatever effort I had put in just not enough!
The challenge had put me faraway from my goal.
Blurring my vision...
Felt it this way before, thats why I choose to leave...
Now you are giving me this again...
It makes me feel like you pull me away from there and bringing me to another..
If you don't recognise my effort and ability, just let me go...
It hurts hearing all those words...
Understanding takes a lot
Don't jump into conclusion to things that never happened.
I tried and put in my best effort to make everything goes right
I don't mind people saying me being under your care no matter what..
Cos I know I am able to do the tasks given well...
Gosh! Blogging about work on its revival!!
NONO!!
Some updates about me.
Getting another year older soon...
Changes I had...
More matured, more emo
Perhaps the past I had not gotten over
But well things had to move on right?
Kind of cruel to me with those words
Well, thats MAN.
Anyway, love, Im not cut for it.
Or perhaps haven met the right one.
Work, is my priority
Health, I abuse it with work.
Friends! I missing them all!
Loads of catch up made!
Having dinner with family later
My dear sisters bday dinner!
Shall update again!
Im gonna be a frequent blogger!!
Not bottoming all the emotions!
Letting it out all here!
Tata peeps~!

Have been awhile since I last updated my blog.
EMO-NESS!~
Stressed up with project!
Can't wait till I finished my project!
Happy tots doesn't last...
Instead more disappointment...
My pride is obstructing..
My feelings are hurting..
Hate myself for being like this!
EMO-NESS is filling my life!
Opps! Going out for a movie break!
Had been long since I last watch a movie in the cinema...
A small break from today's hardwork on my project bar.
Fwighting when I come back later!
Brig! Aja Aja FWIGHTING!
Let not the weather be your mood forecast!!

Emo-ness since then...
Not sure what I really want...
For now..
No courage to really get what I want...
For fear of the hurt feeling...
Yet thoughts keep wandering..
Sometimes I ponder...
Why am I living in this world.
A world filled with disguise
Having hard time...
Learning to take things with stride..
Yet the pride is hindering..
At times when I believe those happy thoughts were true...
And yet it is always those that brought me to the lowest...
As the saying goes...
The higher the expectation, the higher one will fall when not met.
Perhaps, lowering expectation helps?
Not to pin on hopes that could never come true..
Not to depend on people other than me, myself and I..
Its been quite tiring...
With work, studies, projects, emo-nes...
Coping the gushing of emotions...
Ought to move on brig!
Fwighting!!

今天, 有很多很多的感伤.
忧郁着.
被人用冷眼对待,
很不是滋味.
一个人加班.
累了, 也没人理会.
饿了, 胃痛的毛病又犯了.
吃了一餐.
有些复杂的情绪.
不知是真是假.
也许会觉得我很随便,
很无所谓.
但我不想被这样对待,
不想只是个随手可拿的"便利贴"
心里真正要的我也不确定.
原本想忘掉的, 以为已经忘了.
现在却越来越明显.
高潮迭起的剧情
当自己处于某些情景时,
一时之间不知该如何反应.

心情日记.
回头想一想, 原来自己还是不懂得爱
是为彼此付出一切吗?
是当彼此的聆听者吗?
看了许多电视剧..
不同的爱情观..
不同的表爱方式..
"没关系"有表现"不在乎"的意思.
因为在乎彼此所以相爱
"没关系"这三个字, 不该在彼此沟通里出现.
别说你知道你不能给对方什么,
因为你是否曾经了解他真正的需要.
别说一切都是为我好,
因为我的好不是由你来决定.
想了想,
其实我知道自己自尊心满强的.
爱面子, 所以不会把事说出来.
默默的付出
也许你看不见.

从前从前, 有一个只会爱别人的女孩.
遇到喜欢的总是无条件付出.
即使自己不喜欢的事也都会为他做.
为了投其所好, 她很努力地想走进他的圈圈.
男孩虽然对他有意,但却无法给女孩她想要的情.
因为他害怕付出, 怕自己给不了女孩承诺.
男孩始终不明白, 其实女孩要的不是那所谓的山盟海誓,而是彼此的扶持.
幸福, 不需用山盟海誓来承诺.
只是在彼此需要时, 互相扶持, 照顾.
那简单的慰问, 也都会成为点点的小幸福.
男孩总觉得女孩心, 海底针.
其实, 女孩的心, 只不过需要一个能扶持, 聆听她心声的另一伴.
爱, 很难理解.
谁又能在爱情里, 理智的思考这一切呢?

5hrs of mugging in NLB
Manage to grab some references for 2 parts of the project.
Shall continue tmr at JE!
Aja Aja fwighting!!
Let not the emotions affect my studies!!
Last project and Im done with my degree course!
Fwightng Fwighting Fwighting!!!
Need to be more discipline!!
Till then lo...

It has been awhile since I last blog.
Many things had changed.
Whether its for the better?
Its not for me to judge,
Its for me to determine.
Fell sick the past few days
Realy sick.
Started to ponder abt things.
Wads impt to my life?
I couldnt get the ans.
After watching MM lee's speech to his late wife,
Was really touched by their undying love for each other.
The mutual support given.
The true love they had for each other.
Its really hard to find the other half with so much love for each other.
Seems like in the current society,
such undying love doesn't exist.
For the fear and selfish mind of into a r/s.
Fear of taking up responsibilities...
Guess its the trend in the current society.

Going to nlb...shall focus on my project just for today!!
Shoo shoo emo-ness..
It time for the brain to work instead of the heart!!
Koi is a must for my energy booster!!
And not forgetting my beloved tauhuay!!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

Opps. It has been awhile since I last blogged.
There are many changes happening.
And I shall believe its for the better.
Perhaps at this moment..
I would be more independent
Less disappointment.
More mature
Less reliance.
Though the period maybe tough
I believe I can tide through this myself!
Never underestimate Gerl Power~
Another week to go.
Though I will miss the people here.
I believe somewhere out there
Will be a better place for me.
Yawnz.
Tired lo...
Played tennis from 7-9pm and forgot about dinner today!!!
Its so so fun!!!
I shall do this every weekend!!!
My Slimming exercise!!!
Hoho.
Gotta go sleep lo...
Tmr have to wake up early for some checkup at Bugis!
Am gonna settle my Rocher TauHuay crave!!!
Nite peeps~

Blogging on the cab...
Have been thinking about things happening...
Work.
Its getting bad to worst.
The people, the morale....
Tsk....
Ponder about things....
Feel that whenever I need support or just a listening ear...
He is always not there....
Or he is more interested in sharing his topic.
Beginning to feel more of his self centeredness...
Less meet ups
Less sparks
Just like a skool mate....
We go skool together only...
He just so so busy with his packed social activities...
And Im just like a backup plan....
Maybe he dun mean it....
But at least this is what I feel!!!!!
Disapointment and disappointment....
Now I shall not pinned any hope from him...
Arghz.... just dun seem to feel tbe togetherness anymore...
Its like an uncommitted relationship..
Reaching office.... aja aja fighting!!!!

Blogging on the bus...
On the way to batam....
Yes!! Again!!!
It has been real long since i last blog...
Many things happened...
Many emotions came...
I tot abt alot of things...
Am I not good enough??
Why people always make use of me??
Why must I always 忍气吞声??
Feeling so demoralized, so depressed.
Tried to put in a little bit more effort to make things better..
He did put in effort...
But somehow I feel...
The way he treats me...
Less patience...
More temper...
It like Im always the one pissing him off...
Less meetups, yet quarrel every meet up..
Tried to suggest some activities...
But in the end Im always left alone.
Or I had some other activities..
Perhaps, im nt that important.
Perhaps, theres no more sparks.
Future, i dont seem to see..
Pesent, i cant seem to feel...
Past, i will never get it back..
Is the effort I put still nt enough???
Its something I need to ponder...
The lack of security and stability....
Career, income, achievements, studies...
When one is getting mature while the other is still stays childish n playful, how will things go??
I tok to family and friends..
Opinion given..
But i think maybe some additional effort from me can make things better
Yet no sign of improvement.
Is it me??
When it comes to the care and concern..
When I really need someone...
He is always nt there....
Be it having social gathering or work...
2 yrs. Things changed alot.
Envt changed. People changed.
Opps. Reaching harborfront!!!
Let those sorrows stay in sg!!
Batam here I come!!!

Ps: Never make empty promises when you can't fulfill. It makes people having high expectation which results in high disappointment.

能不能就这样忍着痛, 泪不掉...
能不能就这样不去想, 装不在乎...
如果我能...
也许会释怀这一切..
情绪化的我
越来越敏感...
或许我们都变了
你越来越不知道我要的是什么.
我越来越不知道我们算什么了.
也许也许....

Feeling abit restless.
Thinking abt alot of things..
Getting older...
And its time to make plans for future...
I thought through..
With all the questions in mind...
But dunno where to get the answer...
The future...
Includes career, studies, relationship.
CAREER.
Have the directions..
Currently moving towards it...
STUDIES.
Have a lil' hard time coping with work and studies.
RELATIONSHIP.
I dunno. Just feel very tired.

Yawnz. Gttg le~ Cya peeps~
Nitex

Bday week!
Thanks to Everyone!
Had a really great day!
Those surprises.
I really appreciate it!
Muackies and huggies!!!
Thanks for always standing by me and pulling me up when Im down.
Thanks for pampering me so much with all those surprises.
Love you all to bits!!!!
Long weekend! Batam trip coming tmr!
Excited!
Till den~

This week not a good week.
OT from Tues till Sat!
Good grief.
Pushing myself really hard not to think too much
Not to be so sensitive to words.
Perhaps some emotion management
What I can say is...
Things will never like before.
It take times to heal..
But never to its original.
I begin to feel so full of complaints!
Thanks to people who listen to all my complaints!
Thanks for those people who encouraged and motivate me.
Thanks to those people who don't appreciate me.
I learn to be careless of those.
Tough time for me.
Pushing myself hard at work. Yet unappreciated.
Let go my time for revision just for the OT.
Perhaps, people had taken granted of it.
To me, its really tiring.
Never slept well..
Having nightmares of RS often
Sub-consciously I dunno why Im doing this.
People say I'm poison by RS.
Lol.
Sleepy. Yawnz.
Can I have a dreamless night?
Just purely rest???
Till then peeps~
Lubs all to bits!

Just back from work.
Am super tired.
I asked for it!
Stayed OT for 3 consecutive days.
Volunteered.
Stupidity?
Agreed!
Would rather bury myself with work than stay at home think so much.
Seriously.
Faith is losing me...
My faith is just like mustard seed.
Tsk tsk.
Disappointment. Anger.
Mixed emotions.
Angry until i cried.

Wads up with this world???

Had exams yesterday.
Its super difficult!!
Never done before such a paper that can make me feel so demoralizing.
Tsk Tsk.
I had study hard.
Perhaps I was too bothered by work.
The past few weeks had been having nitemares about work stuff
I'm not sure how long I can endure
But I will strive harder
Have 1 more assignment to complete by this weekend
And thats the last assignment for the semester
Hopefully I can clear all the modules.
Tsk.
Being quite devasted and tired this few days.
By work and by studies.
Work I really put in alot of effort.
I tried my very best.
Stayed late for OTs to clear as much as possible.
People understand how I feel
And I'm really touched and thankful I had them!
My beloved colleagues! *Huggies*
My besties and bros! *Hugs hugs*
Thanks for being there for me!
Encouraging me.
I love you guys!'
I will work harder!
As for studies,
the many assignment with my OTs
somehow difficult to manage
And plus the exam I just had,
Din had enough time to prepare.
Hopefully I could pass the exam.
Aja Aja FIGHTING!
Tsk Tsk.
I do feel sad about something.
When I need someone,
He is not the person that gib me the comfort.
Perhaps, ever since the last quarrel
Things had changed.
I feel that we are more of classmate than anymore.
I tried.
But maybe I'm not that important anymore.
I know he tried.
But perhaps he din realise.
He neglect me.
Rather spend time with colleagues than me.
Somehow I feel...
Things are not getting right...
Shooo away those negative tots!
Aja aja fighting for this last assignment!!!!

Today is the start of the change.
But didn't expect it to be so much different.
Being bossed by people to do things
which I hated.
That attitude came in.
I tried to tame it.
Emotion Management!
Never allow people to INFLUENCE YOU!!
I hid it.
I stayed late.
Just wanted to put in more effort into clearing the backlogs and all.
Perhaps I say..
Buried my sorrows with work since someone decided to do something else though the plan of revising we agreed before.
I feel depressed.
In a very low spirit.
Feeling like no one understand the emotions I'm having
Sometimes I feel
Does all these things I do is nothing to them?
Is my productivity not high enough?
Or Im just so not competent enough?

Can life be a bit Simpler?

At this point of life
Its time for some reflections
Have been feeling rather sad though
The hard work put in
Perhaps unseened
But to me I feel...
Effort you put in is not something needs to be rave on
Its the sense of achievement and satisfaction
Its all about doing your job
Satisfaction & motivation, I got it not from the management
Lately, I got it from customers
I feel they appreciate me more with the effort I put in to assist them.
And that kind of satisfaction at this point of time
did make me feel slightly better
Not that I'm really bothered about it
Just feel that am I not that good
Did I not put enough effort??
Feeling abit unappreciated.
Alot of people talked to me about it...
I understand, I try not to let emotions out
Perhaps I'm not that capable for it?
But really feel comforting talking to them
At least in the eyes of people whom I talk to
They appreciate my effort and hard work
Love them to bits!!!
Thanks guys for everything!
Tomorrow will be a better day!
Hopefully!

以为可以很洒脱
不顾一切转身就走
没想过也会难过
自己不说但被看透

"心"已被泪水淹没

有时候想想, 停下脚步看看身边的美景.
不难发现, 即使只是个日落也能让人感动.
因为脚步太频繁了, 所以忽略了小小美丽的事物.
太多烦恼时, 看看那风景, 到海边吹吹风, 能使自己更坦然的面对与思考.

偶尔也该放下一些不必要的包袱, 自在的放个假!

好想放个长假喔~ 但是有好多好多的功课,工作要忙.

All fairytales have their own stories.
Cinderella walked on glass
Sleeping beauty let a lifetime pass
Belle fall in love with Beast
Jasmine choose a poor man
Ariel spend her life on land

Its all about smiles and tears
♥Love is about facing your biggest fear

一个人, 也许会感到寂寞, 但依然能活的精彩.

两个人, 也许有着依赖的肩膀, 但它能靠多久呢?

一个人, 能自己决定要走的方向, 后悔也至少有为自己努力过.

两个人, 能手牵手一起向往幸福走,那尽头也只有伤悲

到底一个人活的精彩还是两个人有甜蜜有伤悲好呢?

有时候, 我在想当初不就已习惯一个人, 开开心心的过不就好了.
现在两个人, 就只会依赖着对方.
爱情开始的时候, 有些甜蜜, 感动.
是因为一头热吗?? 所以把自己硬塞进爱情里.
其实自己也未必真的喜欢对方.
只是一时的感动吧.
但终究的结局还是痛苦, 悲伤的.
想要从中解脱也很难, 很辛苦.
因为自己已经习惯依赖着对方.
所以也只能慢慢的抽离...
===================================
人与人之间, 不就应该好好的对待彼此吗?
为什么能忽然说对我好, 会觉得不舒服?
你给的理由我不明白...
但我会觉得难过, 会觉得是不是我没有好好对待你.

想说心事的人...
都已远远的离开我...
一切的苦水也只能往肚里吞...
但我还是要谢谢你们曾经听我诉苦...

Reflecting...

Its really hard to please everyone.



不要因为我什么都不说

就以为我不在乎...

我哭了...

是因为太在乎了吗?

有时候真的很想释怀这一切...

现在相通了许多

也许是我太固执了...

最近发现身边的人变了...
是不是自己开始从另一个角度去看东西所以才发现它不一样了呢?
正在看一本书 << 这样思考, 人生就不一样 >>.
有所领悟.
沉淀在心中的事物, 让人反复的思考着...
有时, 那所谓的烦恼是来自个人对待事物的观念所产生的...
有时, 类比法(Metaphors) 也会是解答未知问题呢..
思考, 能让人从中学习许多..
思考, 能让人从中反省自己的所为...
有深度的思考着, 才能让自己从中成长...
整理思考的过程,质比量还来的重要.

人总是在"以为"中徘徊....
直到最后才发现一切是无畏的等待...

© Brigitte Khoo Jie Bin

A moment of thought...

I'm not sure what the things I had done is right or wrong
I'm not sure whether whatever I said had hurt anyone or myself
I'm not sure how my future will be
I'm not sure where I will be at in the near future..

Life is so full of "I'm not sure"
And that to me is a great insecurity
I want my life to certain and just follow my way
The way I want it to be

But things change.
People change.
Society change
Even I change myself

But changing for the better its dependable on one's insight.

At times I feel that the things I do
It is due to my stubborness
As wad someone always hated this stubborn me
I'm rebelious in nature
The more you dare me for something
The more I want to oppose and prove it wrong.

I understand that this is really not doing any good when used at the wrong situation.
Perhaps I need to judge against the situation properly.

Just back from work...
Sneezing away....Making all the wantons now...
During the meeting...or I would say brainstorming session...
I think alot...
I observe and realise...
The changes is alot....
Isit the teamwork as what they had said??
No comments to it.
People change...
And thats how realistic and practical people are....
For the way people do & speak
Somehow I feel they are strangers...
Complete stranger....
Making me feel that I no longer know them...
Not what I previously know them as...
I felt sad about it...
But I sort it out...
That's life...
That's how realistic life is, how realistic humans are....
Perhaps this ugly side....
Is nothing but the truth...
Truth only reveals the unsightly....
Which makes me disgusted by it...
I shall keep everything to myself....
Just do my due diligence...
Fret not... I will not be like them...
I will still believe in myself...
And not be influence...
Even the ugly truth won't defeat my beliefs!
And when the time come...
I will be freed...
Somtimes I really want to be freed from working so hard..
Have been working so hard...
And yet felt so unappreciated...
Not sure what I am working hard for?
And is this what I want?

Never I want it this way....

Super no morale, no motivation....

Gotta catch some sleep... Have been working too much.... Wantons all over now...
Shall rest well... sleep those sick bug away!! Nitey all~

First day of work in this new year.

Tsk Tsk.
And 1 whole week of OT is waiting for me...
With the 2 days of meeting..
And clearing of backlogs...
Am tired
Sometime...really restless...
No motivation, no morale....
At times...
Feel like giving up...
Feel like dunno why am I working so hard...
Really...dunno for wad...

I better turn in early...
Hopefully things will get better~

Oh yar! 1 good thing to talk about! My first testimonial I gotten from customer! LOL.
It did make my day though... abit bar...

Till then.. Need rest....

Back from our camping~

Wohooo~ Had a great fun!
Back with all the SUN BURNS!!
Ouch Ouch!
Had countdown at East Coast Park!
Quite unique~
We went crabbing too..
Though there wasnt any...
Took alot of photos....
Wahaha!
The bbq was great!! Lol.

Tired...
Think we slept quite well on the first day cos we are really tired
Me, lubbie, sis and her bf... we all 4 were snoring away~
OMG!
wahaha.

Ouch Ouch! The pain from the sun burnt!!
So burning hot!
Wonder how am I going to survive!!
Lol.

Gotta go lo~
Having dinner with lubbie later~

Wishing all a happy new year~
Hopefully this new year is a GOOD one!!
And omg!! Im turning 24 this yr!!!! (oh nar....I'm always 18 yar?!)

Last post of the year!!!

Well. Reflecting on this year. There are ups and downs.
Learn new stuff.
Know more people of different field, character.
Opened up more.
Do crazy stuffs. Really CRAZY stuffs that I think I must be MAD!
Feel more tolerence level reaching to the limit.
But am still stretching myself!

2010 is coming soon!!!
Today half day work!
Meet lubbie after work for lunch.
After which go my house to pick up the stuff for our camping at ECP~
Though lubbie was still feeling sick and groggy
He still tag along with us for 3 days!!
Thanks LUBBIE~
Hehe.
Going out lo~
Countdown at ECP~

Happy 2010 peeps~

Tata~

不怕那一切挑战, 

只怕面临的失败, 

是个不堪的结果...

Cough Cough.
Not feeling well this few days...
Irritating throat. Fever on and off...
Pushed myself too hard??
Its really tough for me this few days..
So many people on MC.
The stress level is high...
Plus my sickness...
Feel like I'm going to die from fatique.
Tsk Tsk.
Lucky this friend of mine did make my day.
Thanks BoyBoy for listening to all my complaints! You're the BEST!
And yar.. ULTRAMAN!!!
The occasionally sms that always comes at the right time...
It never fails to brighten my day!
Christmas is round the corner~
Wohooo~ So so looking forward to the long weekend~
Taking leave on every monday from this week onwards for the month of dec~!!!
Really need a good good break
Though its just a day break...
Hopefully I can recover from those illness....

If I had to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I love you

Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

Reflecting....
This week quite happening for me....
Ups and downs....
Seriously those down moments...
Can be avoided.....
Is me that create this down moments....
Self inflict hur....
Nvm...
Things will get better!!
Thanks to all who listen to all my complaints....
Haha. It really makes me feel better! Loads better!!
And for those innocent ones....
Sorry ar!!! Kena all my nonsense complaints!!
Put aside those down moment...
This week there are something really good to talk about!!!!
Our clubbing session!!!
Super HIGH~!!!!! And its a really GOOD GOOD NIGHT!!!
Though I feel super blurred out once I step out of boiler...
Simply dunno what I doing...
Cos too tired....
Don't want to think le....
Haha. Had a few hours sleep....
Kena woken up by the caterer that ask if we want to pack food!!!
OMG lei... Its PH!!!
Lol. Then I wake up and prepare myself for the JB trip with Mary and Sol~!!!
We did make it to JB!!!! Bleah!
Though Sol cannot make it....
And its a really good trip!!!!
Walk Walk Walk!!!
I did window shopping!!
Cos Nxt monday I will be going in!!
I am so gonna to change more money for the trip!!!
Mary bought a couple T for herself and Neil!!
When I reach home its like 11!! OMG!
Tmr is MONDAY!!!!
Another bluey day!! Whats worst!!!
MONTH END!!! NO OT pls!!!!
Aja Aja fighting for tmr work!!!
Weird... I'm so looking towards work tmr!?
I know why!!! Im going to tell Sol how much fun me and Mary had when we were at JB!!
Lol.

This phrase is really so sweet!!!
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world!"