Charity...Makes you feel Good~!

Hey hey...so long never blog...weekends has come...and yea i am busying cutting out the Singtel Touching Lives Fund article to fold a heart...and yea...here i am encouraging all who saw this article...do play a part by just cutting the article and fold it...every heart means a donation of $1 to 6 beneficiaries...i feel that this event is very meaningful...and it takes every individual to play a small part to make a difference of the life of the less privileged....hehe...you can find this article at the TODAY nespaper...just fold the heart as instructed and drop it into any postbox....
Hmm...just got abit tired from those cutting of the article and come here to blog...wahaha...din did well for HRM common test...hope that the coming wont be like dat..abit disappointing...i did put alot of hard work studying...haiz...lets hope everyone got their desired results this week...yea...optimistic yea...Events management progress is not bad... i had finished the powerpoint presentation for the lecture publicity...wads left is to get the timetable of lecturers of different faculty so that we can start all those publicity...yipee...looking forward to the party...Weekends are just my day...somehow i feel that weekends make me so carefree...no more thoughts of sad things...guess its a good start for the month of August...yea...cheerful me is back den...dun feel weird if i talk more than often...wahaha...August coming...gotta prepare to go shop for presents again...lots of friends' birthday fall in the month of August....there's Candy, Peiwen, Fen, wenz, lingz,etc....opps...hole in the pocket....ahaha...but all are worth it for my dear friends...hehe...gotta stop here...going to carry on doing the cutting of article....Attn to all: Do play your part to help the less privileged....

LOVE?

Monday comes...And yar today got back HRM common test paper...did quite badly wor..erm but i passed lar...got scolding from mum...haiz...say i since starting of skool always skip lecture and always come home so late...Arghz...I know i haven been putting effort in studying this sem...i will be good girl as promised to my grandma...i must do it....seems so determined yet within my capability...wahaha...last saturday onwards i give up on messaging him everyday...today is the third day i din message him...feel abit weird without waking up at 7am...and always have the urge to message him...i just cant control myself not thinking about him...time had pass for a year plus le...why i still keep thinking about him....people say: To forget someone, you need to fall in love with the other. This saying is real true...it always happens to me...and now i cant stop thinking about him...haiz...What's LOVE? all those one-sided love makes me so tired...i dont feel the meaning of LOVE...the four letter word seems so easy to be said yet difficult to understand...I starting not to believe in LOVE...LOVE a word so hurtful....all the overflowing tears...the scars in the heart...nothing can amend for it...should i blame myself for being so into it? Or should i say i am stupid to believe in it?

kkiez...enough of sad things...opps...seems like i am a very sad person...wahaha...i am just too emotion...hehe...i went for the Z-Pop concert last saturday...not really fun...cos the people around not high...den dun dare to make wild movements...hehe...but at the last part was quite high when its JJ Lin...everybody get so high and with all those shoutings...i did dat too...and i feel good...the atmosphere is getting der...yohoo....was tired after the whole thing...cos friday i drank coffee and i slept at around 6am...and wake up at 11am on the saturday...ahaha...gotta go liao...blog next time...

Life?

Hey...Common test finished...yohooo....hmm...today started studying for today blaw test...then receive call from my uncle saying that my aunt's mum pass away...I really feel abit sad about it...heard that yesterday night things are not doing well...i had prayed for her since i heard that she is not feeling well...i really prayed hard hoping that there will be a change....or maybe a miracle can happen...haiz...really feel that life is so fragile...at any point you wont know what will happen next...and i really believe in placing health in front of anything...its gd to have a healthy lifestlye....haiz...have been moody since then...feel that life seems to be so meaningless...whereby death is around you...and sadness is so filled in the environment i am in...health problems of people around me...i really hope that they will get better especially my paternal grandma....is it such sudden death of humans make people treasure their life? Humph...really hope that my aunt, uncle, cousins and all will be strong towards all those happened...life is predestined...and yar...today i went for my sis guitar concert and din join jocelyn, eveline and all to the dinner...feel abit bad...really sorrie..but i must go support my sis....hehe...the concert lasted 2hrs...really did enjoy the concert...all those pros...so envy...ahaha...and my sis with that serious look playing on the guitar...so funny....the whole thing ends at 10...and haven had my dinner cos i rush to the concert...after the concert immediately went to the funeral...while sitting there got alot of emotions...really feel about things happening in earth...alot of 'why' questions popping up...haiz...things arent getting better....my world seems to be so messy...Argh~!who can save me from all those...now really cant sleep...cos drank coffee in the morning....abit excited about tml...going Z-Pop again~! yohoo...this time going with my sis...mum got it for me...yipee...can see the superstars there too...and congrats to WeiJian that he had get into the semi-finals...yipee...his singing too did touched me...Jiayou wor~!And not to forget to wish christopher HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! Im feeling hungry cos din eat for dinner...better go sleep now...till then~!

My Composition...

I had just compose a song myself...

Its in chinese...

I suddenly got such urge to compose this...

Its about my First Love...

To view it please encode it(Go to View, Encode,Unicode)...

分手的迷惑

当初我们那简单的爱

在我回忆里永远存在

握你那暖暖的手

陪伴着我一起走

即使有再多冰凉

也依然会变暖和

想起当初我们的分离

正反复出现在脑海里

我们共度的时光

却留下我的泪光

这一瞬间的冲动

却造成永恒的痛

*______To Be Continued...........

© Brigitte Khoo Jie Bin

This song is purely from what I had been through...

It may not of professional standards...

But this song expresses my feelings...

ME~!

I have always wonder if i am a lonely one in the world...
And at times I really feel so alone...
seems like I dont talk much except during blogging...
crapping all the way just in my blog...
Sometimes i wonder if i am just the only weirdo...
Living all alone left ignored by the rest...
It seems like I am not part of the world...
Like an alien...
Nevertheless I know that I have wonderful friends around me...
They are of great friends...
And I simply treasure them all...
At times there may be misunderstanding
But I just know that everything will be cleared...

At this point of my life...

I suddenly feel a need to be expressive...

But I am just not an expressive person...

I dont know how to express whatever I feel...

Somehow I may even give them the wrong idea of what I feel...

Its time I had to learnt to be expressive...

To clearly project what I feel...

And not like a block...

With no reaction and expression...

People may see me as an ignorant person..

Someone who is arrogant...

But I must say I am not...

I am more introvert...

Thats part of me.....

BAD day

Bad day today...was so tired...yesterday did my IS presentation thingy...and guess wad...i just realise i din save it...OMG...yesterday night work is all gone to drain....haiz...sadded...dunno wad to do now...dun feel like doing le...the presentation is like dat of what we have done on monday...Argh....i will try to do some tonight...abit tired...so maybe the presentation will be not very nice...brain cannot think much now...humph...hmm...did some reflection of the past few days...think i am weird...abit crazy...did silly things...ahaha...yar...den go skool too tired den dun talk for the whole day....wahaha...see now i am so full of nonsense...wahaha....this week should be a bad week and a bad start of the month...things doesnt go out well...haiz...and the horoscope suggested that i should keep myself low and do all my studies...wahaha...i tink i am going to do this...cos really need to study now...common test is coming....wahaha...oh yar...i had heard from teresa that the GOH for our NDP is a mixture of every CCA...Omg...i tink this doesnt work....oh please...if we mix...our guides will have to train their marching using their method...theirs is so different from us...i really dont think it will work out well...(* the above is purely my point of view...no means of criticizing any CCA here) Besides there's no best candidate for that GOH in guides where most of them are in the contigent...hmm...we need to really train the juniors marching...their marching *especially the 'Beloh' needs lots of attention...they can 'beloh' nicely...OMG...NDP is just one month more...and with this kind of standard...we will be laughed...i want back the time when my final year in the NDP...that was very nice..I really like it....wahaha..abit lau wang mai gua...but is true...from dat day....people keep saying that our guides have improve TREMENDOUSLY....wahaha....hope this year is the same...I believe in my juniors...ahaha...if cannot we will be having intensive marching session bar...to show how important NDP is to the name of the GUIDES...Juniors you all can do it de...kkiez...gttg liao...need to catch some sleep first...im depriving of rest...blog another day bar....

Blur Day...

Blogging here...ahaha...today I am really rush...first day in the morning i receive peiwen's msg...telling me that she'll be late for lesson...and i had a shock of my life...i thought i remember wrongly the time...quickly check with peiwen...still very blur....ahaha..then she confirm with me there is a change in the timing and no1 told me about it(thanks to peiwen..if not i would still be sleeping)...den i quickly went to brush my teeth, wash my face and everything....anyhow get a shirt and pants...change le den rush towards the busstop....wanted to wait for taxi...but the bus came first...so i took the bus...find the bus too slow...den drop at the CHIJ bukit timah der...hail a taxi...and that uncle brought me up to KAP to Sunset way...den U turn to my skool...and guess wad...he bring me to the convention...ahaha...den rush to the tutorial...was 45mins late...still very blur too...i took about 15mins to wash up...din get to bath...and i believe i really stinks cos i run all the way...sweating like hell....ahaha...bad start of the daysconclude the whole bad day....during tutorial my hp alarm suddenly rang...ahaha...that should be the time i actually should have woken up...cos last night did IS presentation till quite late...ahaha...after the tutorial went to HRM lecture...really pathetic...so few people...plus the lecture is speaking so so soft...hardly hear wad she's toking...den after that should be meeting up with my friends to watch initial D but they not free...den find friends see who wanna go but cos is quite last min so most of them cant make it....this few days i got no time to watch....i realise....24 HR is NOT enough...cant even catch a movie i really wanted to watch...tml hope i can watch..but got lots of work..hope i can go watch...today i am so blur....wahaha...look abit messy wor...yea...every feelings i had is some sort of cleared...and im getting happier....ahaha...i know why i haven been receiving his msg since 25 Dec 2004....not even one...but that doesnt matter anymore....all i know he is happy with his things...and yar...he will be going to the army soon...i hereby wish all the best in his future endeavour bar...wahaha...sounds like i have decided to take down everything...but deep inside my heart...i really dunno if i really done that...but not thinking about this stuff le...now concentrate on studies...dun understand alot of the lecture...better do revision now...but i haven start any...My promise to my grandma i must remember...my promise must be kept!!kkiez...gttg liao...need to tutorial...=P blog another day bar...

Done!

Yeap..things have gone out to be well...we did chat alot about things going on among us...everything is somehow settled...and I know we'll be friends forever....sorting out all my feelings today...be it friendship, feelings for someone...all sorted out...for now i will treasure all my friends, my family members...and study hard for my coming soon common test...i promise to my grandma that i will do well for the exams and study real hard...and i must prove to her that i can do it(*tearing...)

Today I shall do try to do some revision...i dun wanna break my promise to my grandma that i had made at the hospital...(*sobsob) i will definitely strive and work hard...I miss grandma...did went to visit her during fathers' day...and i realise i just cant stop missing her...she is the greatest grandma of all....(*I MISS HER LOTS~!..*Crying)

Kkiez...the cheerful me has been back le..wohoo...just come back after meeting with friends...feel alot better after everything...I now really very high wor...cos i finally decided to preserve the sweet memories...and not pursueing for anymore...it takes me alot of courage...hehe...now i feel so relaxed...and yar...Stacy birthday is coming soon...next friday...and i do her something really special...handmade de...specially from me to you...luckily my mum is giving me pocket money soon...then i have the money to spend...hehe...but when is she going to give me huh?? ahaha...i feel like shouting...."I Feel GOOD....dadadadadada....SO GOOD...So good..." wahaha...abit mad now...high for no reasons...wahaha...gttg liao...must do revision as i mention wor...promise made is to be kept....till then...shall blog another day...

Tired~!

Today a tired day cos the ECD lecture was really very bored...almost fall asleep...today should be the enrolment of the junior guides and i should have gone back to help out with the whole enrolment ceremoney...but due to lectures and tutorials...I could no make to the enrolment ceremoney...it must have been heavy for Germaine to help up in the whole thingy...i'll try to attend guides whenever I could...hmm...oh yar about my friends thingy...i just have to accept it...i dunno them really well and that our topics differ...maybe I had changed...but to the better or to the worst i'm not sure...they told me that i am just overly sensitive...but what can i say?? They join for an event together...and they din even ask me if i am interested...ok...maybe they think i will not be interested in that event...meeting them out tml...hope things will get better...today shall be a short post...gotta add on to the IS marketing proposal for the message and slogan stuff...will blog another day....

Nice Day

Yea...blogging again...hmm...this few days mood getting better...omg...suddenly feel that i mood swing so seriously...oh no...im not that kind who mood swings often...i think is due to all those problems i am having this few months...nothing had been settled...i look very pathetic rite...like so friendless...and like so out of their way...yar...haiz.. am i that bad...sumtimes i really do ask..am i a worthless person to be of someone's friend?? Lets keep those sad things away...ahaha...today went shopping with jocelyn, eveline and fangzhi at orchard...wa...i realise fang zhi a real shopping queen...and poor me can only see them buy clothes and stuff and secretly aiming at all those i want to buy...ahaha...saw some nice guy clothes and cap at 77th street..maybe going to buy someone gift for his belated birthday??considering huh...but the clothes are really nice at far east....opps...going to splurge money when the month of july comes...ahaha..den broke at the end of the month...ahaha...always turn out to be like that...must control myself more...humph..haven watch initial D...must find friends who is a Jay fanatic like me...hehe...*hint hint...it have been out for a week le...i wanna watch...but no money now...next week when i get money..i will watch it first...came home late again...opps...have been naughty this few weeks...ever since skool starts i think...mum have been saying that i have been always out very often...and she dun let me go idare...bcos she sae i need to be in singapore for some reasons...den i have to obey lor...shall stay at home this weekends to really do my tutorials...haven been doing properly..shall organise my file too...and have to come up with the financial management project and think i better do the proposal for IS too...kkiez...better stop here...blog next time...need to be good girl this few days...so have to attend all lecture from tomorrow onwards...wahaha...end here...

Yea...blogging again...hmm...this few days mood getting better...omg...suddenly feel that i mood swing so seriously...oh no...im not that kind who mood swings often...i think is due to all those problems i am having this few months...nothing has been settled...i look very pathetic rite...like so friendless...and like so out of their way...yar...haiz.. am i that bad...sumtimes i really do ask..have i done something wrong?? Lets keep those sad things away...ahaha...today went shopping with jocelyn, eveline and fangzhi at orchard...wa...i realise fang zhi a real shopping queen...and poor me can only see them buy clothes and stuff and secretly aiming at all those i want to buy...ahaha...saw some nice guy clothes and cap at 77th street..maybe going to buy someone gift for his belated birthday??considering huh...but the clothes are really nice at far east....opps...going to splurge money when the month of july comes...ahaha..den broke at the end of the month...ahaha...always turn out to be like that...must control myself more...humph..haven watch initial D...must find friends who is a Jay fanatic like me...hehe...*hint hint...it have been out for a week le...i wanna watch...but no money now...next week when i get money..i will watch it first...came home late again...opps...have been naughty this few weeks...ever since skool starts i think...mum have been saying that i have been always out very often...and she dun let me go idare...bcos she sae i need to be in singapore for some reasons...den i have to obey lor...shall stay at home this weekends to really do my tutorials...haven been doing properly..shall organise my file too...and have to come up with the financial management project and think i better do the proposal for IS too...kkiez...better stop here...blog next time...need to be good girl this few days...so have to attend all lecture from tomorrow onwards...wahaha...end here...

SADZ

Currently doing research for fmgt project...having PMS today i should say...really moody....Monday blues i think....cos my day started badly with just that msg i received...things are getting bad...Sorrie if i did aggitate you guys...wear sloppily today..messy hair...everything is so bo chap...haiz...very sad wor...thinking about whats live recently...why is live so fragile...death keep happening around me...and i feel really sad about it...i hope that there is miracles...and please show me that there is...cos i am clinging hope to believe that my cousin's grandma could recover...and i am still believing in this...sadded...things arent getting any better...i feel so bothered about things going on this few days...how??? people say i am too sensitive about things...and always stressing myself with all those minor things...I knew that i am really sensitive to people feelings...but i am just afraid that people around me will misunderstand me or i scared that they may feel that i left them out...i dont like to left all my friends out when i am with them...i will feel extremely bad and im sure the person who is left out will feel lonely...and i know that feeling is terrible cos me myself had experience it before...And i had sorted things out with them today morning...they admitted it themselve...I just knew that something is wrong...I know they are more closed than i am to them...ok...i think i am kicking a big fuss out of it...they are just leaving me out cos we dun have common topic and they find me too quiet...but whenever i asked question or comment on it they ignored me...i feel so sad...things become abit harsh i think.... but they say they din mean it...i believe them...kkiez...think all this thing must be settled....i am very sad about it...erm..gttg liao...have to continue searching for FMGT stuff....having serious headache now and cramps...omg...Fever too....Argh...feeling terrible...still have to do CMA later....till den...

Campfire's Burning

Yippee....just finish our BB guides campfire 2005 "Spooky Night"...Its so fun and miss all those...All fun time always ends so fast....and yar today's campfire could say quite a success....thanks to all the juniors for putting up such a marvellous campfire...you all did great and we are all proud of you guys~! We are proud of you say we are proud of you...We are proud of you say we are proud of you...We are proud of you say we are proud of you....well done guides...all those performances and games are really nice...

After the campfire, I din go with my friends for mac at westmall...I went home, had a bath and went to my house der de mac to chill with my scouts friends....its really long since we last chill together...think got about 1 1/2 yrs or so...and we had a long chat today...they said that our campfire is great...has lots of improvement made from the last campfire....ahaha...i do agree with that....cos last year campfire was a small campfire...hehe..they also made comments on the fire thingy....hmm...and yar...i see that problem...but its all quite nice...they said that the souveniors are creatively made...wahaha...and den we chat about how their own activities that are coming up soon...it seems so fun...i hope our guides can have that...Expedition!Pioneering!it seems more of a scout thingy...hmm...maybe we can merge with some other skools scout and have an expedition...where we walk from bukit batok to mount faber...and by the end of the whole expedition...we'll be at the mount faber having song session under the moonlight...wow.....hope we can organise such thing...ahaha...hmm...maybe can propose this to Ms Lim...Cool~!

Gttg liao...need to catch some sleep...tommorrow is someone's birthday....shhhhhhh.......

Blues....

I had a real hard week...really glad a new week is coming..hope everything would be doing fine next week...Dear friends...thanks for all the concern...Im sure i will be able to cope with everything...though all those sad feelings had dampen my everyday mood...i have been quite messy this week...be it tutorials, presentations, attire,etc....the blues are giving those moody feelings...I love skooling...I had all those wonderful classmates and friends there...not forgetting my friends i always chill with...they had really made my day better...and at that moment with them...forgetting all those problems i had...today went home quite late...bump into them...sort things out abit...but was left ignored after 5 mins of talk...had i done anything wrong? then i came to realise...our friendship is that fragile...even more fragile than the glass...i somehow feel the changes they had ever since they always go out without me...what can i say...people are just so realistic...once they feel the distance...its like the gap will never be closed...i had always treasured our friendship...really hope that things will get better...if i ever given you guys black face...do forgive me...im just so depressed about the whole thing...it had been on for months...stop here le..gttg do BLAW e-tutorial....take care guys...looking forward to tml BB girl guides campfire...I LOVE GUIDING~!IT ROX MY LIFE~!

To my juniors: You guys jia you yar...all your effort will be well paid tml...im sure we'll all enjoy tml's campfire...take care all and prepare to rock,cheer and have fun tml...I Love you guys...

Problems~!!!

Tired,tired,tired...din have much sleep this week...and i look so sloppy and plus my bad mood about my friends thingy...this week really very bad...having blues almost everyday...OMG....just came home from skool...abit regreted going for CMA lecture...cos the lecturer cant speak properly...dun really catch what he is saying...ahaha..before lecture went to library with friends...do some catching up and sleeping...wahaha...on the way home think alot of things..especially my recent problems i had with my friends...abit sad about the whole thing...why things become like that?? We seem not to have any common topics...and what we used to tok on seems rubbish and unrelated to what they are toking on...depressed... wrote a poem that describe a little of what i feel.....

Entitled....Friendlesss

Left out is a feeling i never wanted...

loneliness is a feeling i always hated....

but now i feel neglected...

Friends I always treasure...

times spent are of great pleasure...

but now our friendship is so unsure....

JieBin

Looking forward to the weekends...Its Mel birthday this saturday...hehe...and yar today is winston's birthday...

Happy Birthday To You~!

Thanks

Hiyoz guys...thanks for everything...Im so touched...I know I still have you guys...hehe...haven been blogging for days...cos i left my lappy at my aunt's house...hmm...today went karaoke session with a bunch of Scottish...and was really fun...Melissa has a great voice...wahaha...problems are left unsolved...things arent going smoothly for me...WHY?? I really did try to talk to them...But was being ignored...Sadded...Does our friendship ends here?? I dont want...friends I really treasure them all...those who loves me and those who I love...I must admit I am poor in expressing whatever I wanted to say...and may seems to be cold...but all these doesnt mean I am not bothered about our friendship...haiz....Loneliness I do feel when I am with them...but why I feel that?? The feeling of being left out...the feeling of being made use...What can i do??Confused.Sadded...Really hope that things will get better...Have been really bothered about it...that too causes many of my sleepless night....When I am with them..I really feel so much left out...so lonely...so alone...wonder if things will get better...*Sigh....but I know our guides Campfire is coming...Is this FRIDAY...yohoo..Am really excited about the whole thingy...hehe...blog another time..gttg do CMA tutorial...Thanks guys for ur concern...

My Voice~!

Have you ever been left out by a whole bunch of friends?

Such feelings i had it...

and I really felt saddness...

But no hard feelings...

I really felt abit being make use of...

And that Friendship is nothing to them

Am I abit over sensitive?

I had ask myself repeatedly...

But this is not the first time they treat me so cold...

Suddenly I felt so lonely...

So friendless...

I must say I am an introvert...

But I love making new friends

And i must say for the past few years..

I have known marvellous friends...

I treasure them...

And really did enjoy those time spent with them all..

They are always there when I am sad...

Special thanks to Anqi, Sam

We have been tru all those happiness and sadness together...

Be it break ups, friends problems,etc.

But whats the best is that

WE HAVE EACH OTHER~!!

Love you guys lots...

Haven been seeing you guys...

Now University should be on hols

We'll meet up one day yar..

I wanna see the new guy you know at the pub...

I must really thank you guys for being there for me this few days

Cos the sadness even my secret recipe(SWEETS!!shh..is my secret!!) cannot get rid..

This recipe does work for me since I was working in Motorola

It helps me stop me tears from rolling down

Have been feeling down for the past one month

Hope that I din aggitate anyone...

If so I really have to apologise for my act...

I'll stop here...got loads of work to do..blog again next time..

Blog

Time To blog again...haven been updating my blog..hmm..this month really very broke...i left $52 for the month...omg...intend to watch quite a number of movie wor..shall cut down on the list...but i must go watch D-Initial, Monsters-In-Law..hehe...hmmm...how can i survive!!Have been chilling out with friends almost everyday at night...and thats how all the money is gone...hope anybody who own me money could return me..ahaha...now really in need of money...hmm...should i get an early allowance of nxt month??ahaha...Im financially broke...Must learn how to thrift...but think i can make it through with the slimming process...shall have muesli bars for lunch...ahaha...today so fun...we played VOS...its so so exciting...we played at skool from 2 to about 5++...after that went to causeway with peiwen and liqing...i did window shopping..while they really did shop...ahaha...but did aim at some clothes...shall "con" my mother there to buy for me...ahaha...so bad...hehe...left causeway point at 10+ and reach home arnd 11...and was so sleepy...but VOS make me so clear minded...yohoo...is so fun..have been playing since 2am...and i am still so wide awake...ahaha...its really fun...thanks to peiwen and liqing for introducing this game to me...hehe...BAOC afterglow for all is coming soon...it will be an barbeque at west coast park...Looking forward to it...cos i miss BAOC lots...SCOTLAND Rox~! we'll have a session of yo-ing again..till den...

To Anqi: How have you been? must take care of yourself wor..working night shift must have more sleep yar...hehe...dun tire yourself wor...and ahaha...how i hope i could go back and work there again...I really miss those days there...Especially you, Sam, Violet and rest...Really fun knowing you guys...hehe...when im free i'll go der and visit you wor...hehe...Is just to catch up with you guys only wor...no other motives yar...cos you are my best buddy ever...Love you and miss you lots...Muacks~!
As for him...I still haven organise all my feelings out yet..still am thinking about him all day...wahaha....

Kkiez..gttg continue playing VOS le...will blog some other days...Miss you guys..

Bad Day

Hiyo...am here to blog...ahaha...wa today I&E really drag so long...people end le...we still stuck in the classroom...I choosen the wrong tutor...omg...he is so crappy...end the whole thing around 5...and now vexing about which specialisation should we do...cos its like the toy exhibition is not working...oh no...and guess wad...more problems came by...some other junior guides from other skool called me...ask me lots about the campfire thingy...cos their senior dun bother them anymore...and yar...the questions are all so ridiculous...am really pissed when hearing all those...did lecture them...cos last year campfire they din take initiative to learn from their seniors...and the attitude they give me...like i have to help them...its like..OMG...but luckily everything is settled now...kkiez...i know i am abit harsh on you guys...but forgive me yea...cos its really lar..you all should have at least a bit of knowledge as to how to plan the campfire...you guys must jia you...wish your campfire success hor...hope all the information is of good use to you guys...and yar...my own guides will bring us the best campfire entitled 'Spooky Nite' by the Bukit Batok Guides...yohoooo...i m sure looking forward to 23june...i bet it will going to be fun cos its bukit batok guides...hehe....oh yar..tml we'll go back marina der and catch bears...Scotland Yo~ Yo ah yo, yo ah yo, yo ah yo ah yo ah yo...heehee...tml all scotland in scotland tshirt wor...cya guys den...miss you guys...

its a happy day~!

Hiyo...Really very happy about yesterday outing...with all fellow scotland mates...went to marina bay and had steamboat...was so fun...jocelyn, eveline and yeting came later...and jocelyn came to me and give me a bunch of flowers..and we hugged...really very touched...and tears just came rolling down....was really very touched...no words are able to describe my feelings i had....after finish eating..we went to the arcade...the guys really kinda addicted to the hooking plushies machine...stayed there hooking for the plushies for about 1 hr++....den we left marina bay...taking MRT...I went back home and have a change...and next to the Kbox to meet up with my friends..we K till arnd 3am....its so fun....and yar today i went out to Kbox again with yan fang for the K lunch...and did enjoy myself...after dat meet my family at outram for dinner...b4 dat we went to SGH to visit my cousin's grandma...really almost broke into tears...cos she is so ill...and tts remind me of my beloved grandma too...i pray that she will get better...and that no pain befalls her...its really very xin ku for elderly to suffer those pain...i really feel hurt for her...kkiez..den after dat went for dinner and home sweet home...bought a MANGO cake to celebrate my birthday with them...but all were too tired...nvm...tml den..hehe..and yar..thanks for the MANGO cake you guys give me...was so delicious..every bit of it...i remember you guys all~!Love you guys and really THANKS...blog another time~....

I miss dem..

Hey..thanks you guys for those birthday wishes...really very sweet of u guys...heehee...oh yar..and some unexpected sms....really shocked to see that name der...ahaha...i miss all of them..so long never go out together le...sorrie leh...the past few months din have time with you guys...as you noe im busy with the orientation thingy during the hols..ahaha...skools juz started and u guys still have a week and so b4 starting skool...make use of this time to catch up with you guys yar...heehee...actually today should be watching monster in laws with friends de...but tickets were sold out...so fast....sobsob...will watch with you guys one day yea...tt movie is reserved for u guys...heehee...its cuming to the end of the first week of skool...and i feel that i had learnt nothing from the lectures...ahaha...today IS was quite fulfilling...i think the tutor is abit naggy wor...tok and tok non stop...sounds so naggy to me...hehe...sorrie about it...din mean to insult him...but after all the class is quite fun...did enjoy crazy acts with the group...though i was damn quiet during the discussion...cos was really disappointed that i cant get the ticket for the movie...yea..afterglow is tml and i am really looking forward to it...and saturday...going Kbox wif fangz...yea...first time i go kbox with her wor...ahaha...oh yar...and tts ends the month of may...and i din buy him prezie for his bdae..anywhere he din wanna tell me his bdae...he haven been reply me since that christmas when i tell him im going back to give him prezies...wa..to think that prezie i really put alot of effort doing de...how times fly..and this thing has been like dat for a year and more...and the feeling is kinda fading off since end april...not that i had fallen for any individual...but is like distant makes me think alot..and i feel everything is all one sided...all those thoughts make that feeling fading off!! But the memories will den be forever sweet...and never been dirtied by unpleasant stuff..hehe..and im sure i will remember him for life...and the impression of him will always be that perfect someone...hehe..recalling last year...i can say it was really very fulfilling..know more people out der..got to meet him..blog again nxt time...have to do some stuff now...ahaha...excited about tml afterglow...cya guys...i miss scotland...

Miss them much~!

Second day of skool and i dun feel like i started skooling...still in the mood of baoc...everyday feel like cheering and yo-ing...haha...really miss baoc very much...and all our freshies...ahaha...the month of May is ending and i haven being doing anything to finalise the things i really care about...or should i say i dun dare to face it? or should i say i am dragging it? I know its time to face it...and i know all feelings had slowly fade off...but he will b one i will always keep in mind...and stay in touch with...hehe...a new year has come...time to think of a new year resolution...hmm...

1.Not to be shy anymore and really express wadever feelings i had...

2.Attend all lectures...

3.Not to blush so obviously like i always do...(can it be change??have been teased by my friends for years...)

4.Meet up with all my friends who we have for so long never see each other...

5.Do well in the new semester...

6.Get to know more people from other fields of carreer..

7. Learn a new skills...

8. Do less shopping

9. Watch less TV..do more tutorials...

10.Learn to save money

11.Slim down**very impt...

haha...tt should be more new year resolution...ahaha..kinda crappy hur..but im serious with them all..and i gonna do it man...no more 3 minute temperature...heehee...stop here le...looking forward to friday de after glow and bringing my family out for dinner on that day...hehe...and yar..tml going watch movies wif friends at town...cya guys den....muacks and nitez...i miss bAoc...Scotland...Freshies...all of them...

bAoc Rox~!

We had end bAoc 2005 yesterday...really did had all those fun...mixing around with the freshies...and fellow SCs...heehee...our group got the best SCO...which is ernest..i think he is well deserved this award...he had put in a lot of effort in bAoc...and of cors is a great leader to guide the whole Scotland group....i feel proud to have such a SCO too...Yea...we are proud of you sae we are proud of you *clap clap...not to forget Jocelyn~! she got the best SCs in scotland....she welly deserves this credit...all her hard work put in for bAoc...yea~! 3 cheers and 3 cheers and 3 cheers for Jocelyn...woogashaga woogashaga woogashaga woosh...woogashaga woogashaga woogashaga woosh...woogashaga woogashaga woogashaga woosh~! The whole bAoc had ended..kinda sad...its like all those fun we had...looking forward to next year bAoc 2006...and yar...to my dear stacy...do take care of yourself ya...today im going to sentosa with my frewns...for the whole day...yohooo...though din get much sleep yesterday nite...but im so high now..we r going to have lots of fun der...after all we will go watch sunset...den play arnd der...and go 4 late dinner at pasir panjang for seafood...gttg liao...meeting up with my friends...blog next time~!

FUN IN BAOC~! SCOTLAND ＲＯＸ～！

Wohoo...Today damn high though very tired...opps haven been blogging...cos very busy wif the orientation thingy...sorry Joyce for not able to make time for you...we'll go out one day yea...first day of orientation was quite quiet...the freshies are so quiet...i think they are quite shy..i am sure tml they will definitely let their hair down and have all those fun...cos tml is the last day...today abit pathetic...only 5 freshies came...and all are gers...oh my...but overall we did well...at least they did cheer with us...ahem...now abit sore throat...but well...i have my wonderful mummy making honey drink for me...heehee...oh yar...this few days of orientation...i was so tired after the orientation thingy....but still have to meet up with friends after that for dinner...though tired but really had heart felt talk with them...sorrie for not joining for the dinner with our fellow scotland SCs....As for today...really cannot stay back and see the dance...cos i had to go home to change and go straight down to Sentosa for beach gathering....did enjoy it though i was really tired...but did manage to catch a couple of mins sleep during the briefing in the convention....and now i am so energetic..oh my...i juz cant sleep now...so excited for tml orientation...and sad that it is ending so soon...really did enjoy the 1 month of preparation with those friends i made der...heehee...here's one cheer i thought of...

Rock Cheer~！

Scotland Scotland show our might（echo)

Show them how we win the fight (echo)

Let us have a lot of fun （echo)

Show them all who's number 1 (echo)

We will we will rock you ao, rock you ao (together)

Yipee~!

yipee...im so happy...daddy bought me a new handphone....N7260 de.. but initially wanna N7610..but nvm...quite happy le...cos i dun need to buy...muahaha..oh yar..i m so high now...cos tml going to buy prezie for a friend...heehee...yea..and maybe meeting sum of my outside guides and scouts gang...and den go Mount Faber watch sunset...den we go pasir panjang der eat seafood...its all planned..hope nothing will crop up..heehee...den we'll hav sumthing like mini campfire der...oh yea..do all those singing and cheering...yea..im loving it~! Hope still have voice for bAoc...haahaa...excited about tml plans..yipee~getting high again...i really miss all my scouts friends alot wor...dey are so funny to tok to...and yar...really experience in scouting...haha..dun sae i din miss you all hor...so long nv go out for supper after campfire...all like so busy hur...heehee...gonna catch up with you all tml...heehee...oh yar...guess wad...5 more days to bAoc....omg..its so soon...and yar...im partnered wif limei...hope we'll can get the freshies to be hyper active..maybe should sae she'll get dem active...haahaa..cos she really very hyper...but im more the nite type...hope we can get along together well...:P gotta go liao...wanna go prepare stuff tml...we'll have potluck at mount faber...guys and gals..dun forget to bring ur food hor....haahaa....hope this weekend will be a gd one...and i'll miss bAoc...and everyone....luv u guys~!

Friendship..u noe??

Haven been blogging for days...really tired and getting sick...but i am still strong cos i am tough...heehee...yea...our guides campfire coming soon...is on the 24 June...omg...i am so so looking forward to it...Spooky nitez...i m so high about it...yipee...i so so miss the campfire days...haha...and yea the dunearn one is just great...and i bet ours will be the best ever campfire...heehee...this makes me so high...but now really cant jump around and release all those energy in me...too sick to make noise...sore throat,headaches and abit of fever..tts why i cant get high this few days...all the medicine...oh no...think abit stress about sumthings i am so bothered about Friend stuff...still the same friend...is like today evening we went out together...then she keeps saying bad things about someone...then i really went stunned...its like she is bad mouthing all those crude remarks...is really crude ones...is like i would feel very bad if i say such things...and she dont feel abit of guilt...i suddenly wonder if she had badmouth about me...omg...i really fear that would happen...is like i dun like people to talk things about me behind my back...i really very scared this kinda people..its just so scary...its like you wont know wad she will do to you next...should i consider her my friend?? a friend who would badmouth real crude remarks to others??Well...i still have real bossom friends i made...be it in primary,sec skool, poly, work place, camps/campfires...i know its hard to meet in this wide world so i treasure everyone i made...and i would as well treasure my that friend...i think she might be influenced by her fellow skoolmates dat make her change....but i still love her..and i love all my dear frewnz...just love all of them to bits...cos when i really need them...they are always there for me...and the best times i had...is being shared with them...all those fun you all give...just brighten up my day...and i know i would never want to lose you guys....;P muacks~!heehee...blog next time yea~! getting high...just cant sleep~! and tell you guys...6 more days to bAoc....yipee....i m so so looking forward to it...bAoc is fun...im loving it~! Scotland Rox oN~

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate. There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative. You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends.You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

Hmm..after reading this kinda true wor...haiz..have been very tired this few days...yesterday help mum cook for my sis's birthday dinner...and i bought her a yummy chocolate mousse cake...Omg...its just so yummy...I'm Loving it...heehee...have been very sick this few days...all those cough i have this few days...getting worse and worse...eat medicine like no use...aww...really need rest...have been busy for the whole week...sorrie to my friends...cant celebrate their birthdays this week...shall make it up next week yea...paiseh hor..cos really feeling sick....gotta go eat medicine le...blog again next time...

Go try What Your Birthday Date Means? ..its really quite true...heehee...

sad.

Today kinda bit sad...today the 4th president of singapore, Wee Kim Wee ,died...at arnd 5+am...when i heard this news...really kinda depressed...cos since young when he was then the president of singapore..i really admire him alot...bcos of his humbleness, being able to lead the country to what it is no today...I really feel that he is a rare talent...he is someone i would look up to...he is one model that motivates the younger generation to be like him...hmm...den just now heard a taiwanese artiste committed suicide...i find that life is really fragile and that i must treasure every second i had in this world...and never regret in the choice made...we'll never know wad will happen to us in the next second...from wll this that happen today...i realised that life is so precious...death is so hurtful...haiz...missing my grandma...i really her alot leh...really feel weird without her...i so so miss her...everyday..i will think about my childhood days with her...she really dote all her grand daughters alot...and she doesnt show any bias towards any of us..cos she treat us all equally good...haiz...grandma...you know how much i miss you...hmm...gttg liao...have to go eat dinner le...blog another day....

its Labour Day....

Today is labour day...nothing special..haha...but did went to celebrate mother's day...heehee...brought the whole family go mayin there and eat again...think there the food not bad wor....heehee....lucky we went der early...there is a long queue after us...haha...today at home watch tv the whole day...watch the xiao Q show...very touching leh...cried during that show...dunno why oso...tears naturally drop...think that dog really very cute..and its contribution to the society in that show is really big...it helps the blind to guide the way...the most touching part is when the owner died...and during the funeral...the dog attend and keep looking at his owner at the coffin....that scene really very touching...it shows the passion between the owner and the dog...and the deep relationship they had nurtured that made them so bonded...heehee...yea....Scotland Rox...gttg liao...need to get sum rest...slept at 3am and wake up at 8.30am...din really sleep well too...kkiez...blog next time...

bAoc is SOOOOOO FUN!!!

Yipee...we today almost finish that bee flag...Omg....the flag is so nice...I promise we will definitely get the best flag....its just so cute...haha...so nice...i'm loving it....heehee....this few days had been always going for bAoc thingy...and i am so high...cos bAoc is just so fun...playing all those mind games...and got to know that i am so slow...haha...but we did solve alll those quiz wor...heehee....Bonding is fun..Got to know more friends there...and our NCOs are just so funny...really cant stop laughing...love bAoc to bits...cos there is where i get those laughter...Yea...we are about to finish our flag...and the moo...its soon to be done....Super high now....just cant wait to finish them...cos it will definitely be so nice...yippee...haha...opps...loss control...that enthusiastic part of me owas cum out late at night...thats my life...so now really cant sleep...oh my...hmmm...nowadays feel so high..."infected" by bAoc and joc and eve....haha...think the last time i feel so high is the dunearn campfire...haha...i am not quiet sort one...haha...just that my enthusiasm cums in the night...opps..thats why my post is ever so long....heehee...sorrie to make you all see so much words...wanna share another story....there is a ger who have been secretly in love with a boy...by chance her friends knows him...and they got to play basketball together...and they get to talk...one fine day...the ger realised that her cca has a combined camp which the boy will be oso going...she feel so excited...on the first day of camp...after the bath...he walked past her..feeling cold...then the ger give her jacket to him...and she shiver for the whole night....throughout the camp...after the camp...they did not go home right after..instead they meet up with some of their basketball mates for a basketball game...after the game the boy sent her home...after that rumours came about that the ger likes her...one day...as he borrow her textbook...returning it to her..he slip a piece of paper in the book....written: do you like me?...wad a poor start up...and during recess he came up to the ger and ask for the answer...blushed...the ger tell him her feelings...and they were together...but it does not last long...as they were still at a young age...the ger decided that they should focus on their studies...and she gave him her first kiss and left him...she did not tell him why she left him...fifty years later they met at the basketball court...they both had married...the ger still have feelings for him...and she decided to be with him...and after consulting their the other party...they went abroad and lead the life they had wanted fifty years ago...i really feel very touched inside...the ger's first love is so deep...and till old age she still remember him and all those memories they had shared...this is a real story shared by my friend's grandma...the ending abit like that of SHE-I Love You 's mtv....its just so touching....Love really does wonders.... stop here le...too long a post...can read until sleep de...haha....

Thoughts...

hmm...today still the same...go to skool den go home...very envy cm leh...he get to work at techpoint for 2 days so sian mu...i also wanna work...he some more aggitate me...say he saw him early in the morning...when my handphone beep..i really thought is he reply my message leh...den see his message...pengz...den go back to sleep...haha...if is he reply i sure be very awake de...opps...later kena scold...heehee....oh yar...should ask cm to help me ask when his bdae...he still dun wanna tell me when his bdae leh...friendster oso cannot check wor...haiz...i only wanna give him another bdae present to him mar...wa..to think...i like him for about a year and a half le...oh my...abit ridiculous for a girl to do that lor...but i think i am the devoted kind bar...still am clear minded that all this is just one sided feelings lor...till now still think of him...haiz...but i really miss him wor...hmm...to think huh...last time really didnt accept the sum1...den still accept his gift..but is like he insist that i must take it de...oh my....and this is happening to me...i give him present and he just accept...is this call retribution...treating sumone who like you like that then the sumone who you like will treat you like that?? Seems true....but what i give him is not sumthing that contains all my hardwork...all those effort i put to make the cookies...and the decoration of the whole thing...its actually the thoughts that counts...but why doesnt it touches him a little...or maybe he could at least reply me and tell me that the cookies is nice...but i know he is not that sort that will say it out...haha...he is just those very dao kinda person...think he very attractive...or maybe should say i am attracted to those type of guys?? maybe is his unique looks( think abit like jay chou wor...eyes very small(single eye lid de)...styled hair...broad shouldered..actually is a typical ah beng lor...heehee）oh my..so long nv see him le lor...last time i see him should be christmas lor...went back give him present...become even shuai...dye hair more style...heehee...think i m so over him...oh my...abit like despo sia...hmm...this hols abit bored wor...no work..no money...so no life...cos cant spend as and when i like...but i can tell you this...bAoc is fun lor...i am just loving it....heehee...really had fun making the flag....yipee...really had fun with the crazy SCOs...and my friends...gttg liao...blog another time le....

PS: If she loves you more then I do...I will love you even more...so that she will loves you more....

© Brigitte Khoo Jie Bin

sick...

Result is out...think did badly leh...haiz...today actually decided to go pasir ris with them de...cos think is bonding mar...den stay at home also nothing to do...but who knows...yesterday i got fever...den i really hope today can recover de...but even higher leh...so sian now...today have to eat all those medicine...including cough...den my family eat all those nice food...den i can only eat macaroni stuff...is torturing!! haiz...hope can recover soon...den tml we can start again doing our flag...hope mummy letting me out tml..heehee...i wanna go out too...go Kbox..go sentosa..go shopping..haiz...getting real bored at home...should i sneak out of the house and join them for the SB gathering...really feel like doing that..can i??hmm...gttg liao..blog next time bar...dun like feeling sick...sianz....

My Story

Yea...We are going to complete the thistle flag...is the picture that i posted..bear that in mind...that is not pineapple...is THISTLE!!haha...is the scottish flower..hmm...really fickled minded me...initially dun wanna go for that interview le..but then my friend keep telling me to go...dunno whether tml wanna go or not leh...if dun go mum sure nag...stay at home do nothing dun go out find job n earn money back...hmm...but the working hour too long le...den i have to always go back skool for cca too...but no money!!OMG!!how shall i decide...i really need money...i wanna buy shoes,clothes,birthday presents,all stuffs...but no money...maybe i should consider that job??haiz...really fickled minded me!!maybe go and try...if dun like den quit after 5 days and get the pay??humph...irritating myself with stupid decision making...toss a coin and decide my fate??NVM..think see how's my mood...if i have good mood tml maybe try going..no harm trying mar...den sfter that still have to go marketing too...need to buy food to cook for dinner...haiz...so sian...nothing much happen to my boring life...haven been knowing new friends...is like should get closer to the society..know more people out there...not that i dun like my old friends hor..i treasure every friend i have...:P hmm...recently heard a story...got one girl and boy...they fell in love at a very young age...both are each ones' first love...but eventually break up due to some reasons by the female party....after 6 years, they met again...the feeling they had 6 years ago came back...but both of them are too stubborn...they dun wanna express their feelings for each other and keep suppressing their feelings towards each other...when they were both on the MSN..they very much hope to msg each other...but din have the courage...one day..they meet in IRC..where dey do not know each other identity...they say out their feelings...but they din realise the other party real identity...they always meet up in IRC and talk about their inner feelings they had each day...Finally...they decided to met up..when they meet up...they were shocked to see each other...they sat down and chat like there is an everlasting topic to talk on...in the end...they are together again....after i heard this story..i really believe that when love comes...you really cant escape...its all fated..if you are fated to be with him...though it takes a big round...you will still end up with him...this story is real touching...its a real pure first love... so drama...but will that happen in real life??Revival of old relationship works??But i really envy the girl..her first love is her last love...but my first love??really very envy those who have such a romantic love story...really too drama or shall i say too meng huan(梦幻) to believe that such thing even exist...this post sure a long one...stop here le...dunno tml wanna go or not leh...kkiez..blog again next time...

Campfire Rulex~!

Hey..Yesterday din get to blog...cos too tired le...so high yesterday...their campfire really good wor...so high tech leh...the video really very professional...i hope our campfire can be like that...haha...oh yar..yesterday actually did see my friend...haha..but din get to catch up with him...cos think he too busy handling his junior...haha..naughty bunch of kids...:P really very long never catch up with my guides and scouts friend le...haha..most of them go army le...den sum got girlfriend no time for gathering lor...how sad....last time we usually meet after our own troop finish our dinner or maybe considered as supper...den we go outside mac and chat den know new friends from there...haha...this is how we get to know the names of the guys we aimed during campfire...haha...den after that go home check friendster...oh...i really miss those days...but i have to say lar....i m not despo lar...just see the guys very cute only hor...but now like we dun get to even see each other that often le...so cant noe anything le...haha...they invite scouts from quite far wor...hougang sec they invite...and yar got one of their senior quite cute...omg!! hmm...is he that one we see at monfort sec de campfire...dat guy that play the guitar...really cute wor...haha..but think is different person bar...cos different though same district...heehee...so high yesterday....i just love guiding!!heehee...think tml im going to skool...dun feel like going for the interview liao...go alone really very sian leh....den work der alone more sian...dey sae der mostly aunties de...but think maybe they are now recruiting students??haha...aniwae im not going for the interview tml lor...wanna go for bAoc...its fun doing the flag...really looking forward doing that scottish bull...it will definitely shone out from the other group...cos our flag got that X- factor....heehee...abit boosting own group huh...gotta stop here le...spyware made me mad!!cant clear dem off leh....gttg liao..blog next time... let you peeps take a look at our masterpiece of one of the flag....heehee....

Hols is here...what am i doing??

It seems like I haven been blogging often...days are getting bored for the hols...cant find job...everyday go out with friends until no money le..oh no...haha...but i still enjoy every moment with them...(heehee:P) initially pinning quite high hope that i can go back and work de...but think impossible liao...abit sad but its alrite bar...think i should not go back der work bar...later very paiseh...haiz...contradicting lor...deep inside i really want to go back de... really "kou shi xin fei"..think i am such a person bar...especially towards BGR...cos I dun really dare to accept or even express my feelings...maybe i scared of getting hurt again or maybe i m just too protective...I really dunno....i admit defeat in such thing...oh yea...im very excited now...tml got campfire...is DUNEARN campfire!!OMG..i am soooo excited...have been looking forward to their campfire...cos theirs is held once in every 4 years...and the scouts!!haha....so excited now...getting high this few days because of the campfire...heehee...so long nv go campfire le...i so miss those days where we go for campfire and being so high...shouting at the loudest voice...combing at the cutest guy...haha...(not me only hor**) its so fun...im loving it lor...that part makes my life more filled with high spirits...OMG....I just LOVE Guiding....its part of me le...now hols liao...should go back more often...cos last sem din really get the chance to go back due to time table...yippeee...im so high...opps...gotta stop here le...gotta go skool for bAoc thingy...blog next time bar...will blog on sat...i m so excited....:P

Hols...no job??

So long nv blog le...haiz...still cant find job...i cant slack this hols..really need money for some spending plan...hope i can get it by next week...this hols too much things need to do...then i think alot too...i begin to miss him again...oh...the feeling just from nowhere appeared...is like everyday i still msg him which i din stop doing...and everyday check up his friendster account hoping that he would update his info or maybe add his own pics...haiz...all those BGR thingy...i thought i had already gotten over..then i read through my previous journal...all those feelings have always in my heart...its just that all those talks make me hide this feeling i had and pretend i had gotten over...but i m still clinching on the last hope...hoping that things may change for the better..."life is never smooth sailing...there are ups and downs dat make it a life...and if you dun face all those..you would never find the meaning of life" this is wad i interpret from today's gospel...whenever there is a fall..i must bravely face it...persevere may be a way but it may never always solve it...and thus only giving up will allow you to grow....from then i will become stronger and know what is the meaning of life...After listen his speech...really think its so full of logic...if i could do this...i wouldnt be so in pain now...to take this great step really need alot of courage...say is always ever easy than doing it...i just cant practise what i preaching...hmm....think one day i can make it...this kind of thing i think really need time to do it...hols is here...and haven been doing things that are meaningful...always go shop for things...stay at home play laptop until now almost going to crash liao...its like so many spyware...skool reopen den go skool for maintenance...oh yar tml need to go skool for the baoc thingy so excited...but i dunno must do what leh...:P heehee...gotta end here le...blog next time...

Wedding bell rings...not mine!!

Wow...today very tired wor...morning must wake up early to attend my cousin's wedding...very grand leh!!is not like the norm practise where we had dinner..instead we have lunch, church ceremoney, signing of certificate of marriage at a hotel...the food is really nice and i had white wine and red wine...really nice servers at the banquet...haha...now thinking when i married that time must be even more grand than this....haha...think so far liao...no bf yet how can married...haha...see people wear wedding gown so beautiful...so envy wor...*think too much liao...after the whole thing finish we went shopping at suntec city...my poor leg very pain leh...cos wearing high heels...the first time i wear such high de heels lor...so not use to it...haha...then went to granndpa's house..help out for the ceremony on tuesday...then i feel very bad...i promise stacy to go celebrate pangyi's bdae...but i have to go grandpa's hse...stacy...really sorrie leh...wanna also wish pangyi HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! really sorrie i cant make it on that day wor...hope you wun mind...i also have to apologise to jenna n pw...cos i promise them tml we go out de...but i have to go to my grandpa hse and help out...sorrie...i really feel apologetic....pang sei my friends....really sorrie...i really cannot make it...SORRIE..erm..i have to end off...really kinda tired liao...

Life...So many ups and Downs...

Yipee...Exams are over...stress release today~! I went to town...go for window shopping cos no money le..gotta find job soon...haha..saw alot of things i want to buy...exams really make me mad....i just cant stand that pressure...all those questions of all modules are just so difficult..besides i am not those studious person...i just cant exam..there is limit to my brains...Argh...forget it...all this over and i must enjoy my hols..maybe do something to break through the norms...like??haha...oh yar..his birthday is coming up soon...haha..still thinking of him...really cant help it leh...he may not have good temper and nice words dont often come out from his mouth..but that only good point covers all which his hardworkingness...the determine to put in effort when doing things...aiyo...over so long still think about him...haiz...now have to solve all problems not solved during the exam period...that friend( i still consider her as a friend but i noe she does not) i really wanna say thousands and millions of apology...I really dint mean to do things that sour our friendship...and that sudden change that you ignored me really make me feel very lonely and that how much you mean to me...I really feel apologetic...you may think i am not sincere enough as i just wrote it down here and din express it out to you in person...but i really bad at expressing it out...i dunno if you will still be bothered to read my blog..but i really hope we can like before...talk like usual and not avoiding me...i really tried to strike conversation with you but as you noe i am just that quiet sort...haiz...i just wanna say "I REALLY TREASURE YOU...WITHOUT YOU, MY LIFE SEEMS SO EMPTY!!CAN WE BE LIKE BEFORE?? FULFILLING OUR 'FRIENDS FOREVER' PROMISE THAT WE HAVE GIVEN FOR EACH OTHER." sometimes i really wonder why am such a person...am i really that bad...why friends are moving far from me?? did i change or is that i think too much...but i somehow feel the gap between all my friends...isit that i din make time for them?? but i always stay in touch though we din get to see each other...am i not fit to be someone's friend?? WHO AM I?? Why am I so lost as in to define one as a friend...they seem to be taking me for granted and after making full use of me ditch me aside...ignore me...haiz...friendship really hard to find one that is true to you and never abandon you....Life.I haven seen enough for there are more beyond what I see...more beyond the boundaryless sky where endless situations does happen...That is LIFE~!

Better Day

Just finish the last lesson of tennis...oh..i will miss tennis lesson alot...the fun we had...though i arent really gd at it...haha...exam is coming up and haven study yet...omg...the OB seems to be a whole lot chunk that I need to memorise...oh no...this week study break...i will miss TB25!! heehee..now abit tired...hmm...today turns out to be a not bad day...heehee...everything went smoothly...no sad feelings...but still can feel that loneliness in me...is like whenever i go home...i feel the emptiness in me...as though i am just an empty shell living in this world...i dunno how to describe it...but i am going to get rid of it...haha...think i have to really think over all my bad points of being straight forward...blurbing out whatever in mind...never consider others feelings...being such a fake person...act innocent....all these are my weak points....and i really wanna change...its not because i want to please anybody...i just feel i am bad in being that way...this shall be one of my resolution for the year...gttg liao...going to join my cousins at my aunt's place...heehee...blog another time~!haha..Should be after exam...Lucks be with all you peeps der~!

Miss Miss Miss

Wa...yesterday the campfire really very disappointed wor...the npcc tcher really too much...initially the whole campfire thing should be organise by guides and st john only...and they only in charge of the logistic part...sad to say..there was a huge rain...therefore campfire must be held indoor...when it is time for the campfire...there is no rain...and the tcher insisted in having it outdoor as her npcc cadets have soak the firewood...after that all cca members started to carry benches and place it all over the carpark...not only that..the tcher even ask her cadets to carry benches made of wood..the bench will rot due to the wetness de...yet she reply such benches are meant for wear and tear... the whole thing was so chaotic...the worst thing comes...as there is nothing we can do...we stand aside from the chaos...and the npcc tcher came and ask us where we wanna seat...in a pissed off manner...and one of our sir reply nicely that she could make the decision bcos she is in charge of it...den she say dun tok to me in that manner...at that point...i really pissed off...is like she is abusing her authority...ok should stop here about that teacher...think she dont really mean anything bad bar...today went to dye my hair...but think not really nice...haiz...today kena treat like maid...help people do things and serve them at their mahjong table...wa...maid oso got pay lor...worse thing is that i really feel being ordered lor...like i am the maid...really feel bad lehz...what they take me as...at least not to ask me do things in that order tone bar...just got home from there...looking forward to the new week...today i dream something....i dreamt that my gandma came back...and she tell me must be good girl...must study hard...and all stuff..after i woke up and i really cry hard...i really miss grandma alot...and she came to my dream....i should have tell her hw much i miss her!!haiz... i believe she knows how much i miss her...tts y she come to my dream...sobsob....really miss her lots...hmm...gotta go sleep le...tml still got ob lecture to attend...hope tml will be another better day....blog another day bar....

a better day...

Today we had bstats test...i think i may fail...the test really very difficult to me...i dint even understand any bit of the whole module...haiz...nvm...i just not that studious...its friday and there is tennis...really very tiring..after that went to library revise but nothing goes inside the head...then fallen asleep there..really too tired after the tennis...today so tired...eyes are now half open...tomorrow going back to sec school again..and i am so excited about it...cos tomorrow got campfire...and such thing is like so my favourite time during all my sec sch life...through campfires from other schools...i met alot of friends...be it guides or scouts...it is really hard to meet people in life...and meeting them is of great pleasure...so long never go for campfires...i miss those days...haven been knowing new fellow guides and scouts from other schools....always have things from poly...i am so excited about the campfire tomorrow...i just like those fun...i never had those long ago...and that side of me just fade away as i dun have the fun in campfire...i just like the atmosphere of the campfire...where we gather together...be it to know each other more or to meet someone new...there is always a surprise in it....oh...but theres one thing which is a huge barrier for me going guides that is GARY!!! I dun wanna see him...he is just so bossy(should i say so??)..haiz...jio my sis go watch hitch on monday she ask me to treat her...gotta go sleep liao...yesterday din sleep well...better catch some sleep...tomorrow a long and funfilled day for me...looking forward...hope no disappointment from the juniors....blog next time~!

no gd...

Today after the extra micro lesson...I din eat with them...really feeling very sad today...den walk off just like that...cos i dun wanna dem see me in tears...I just miss my grandma....and that my friend seems to be very irritated by me...I know I wont be forgiven...and for now I have lost a friend...it really hurts in my heart...how am i going to face her...everytime i see her...she seems to be irritated..I went to collect my student card...den i went to westmall to walk walk...think alot...then went to get sumthing sweet..to get rid of those bitterness...thats my way to drown my sorrow....go to basketball court...and vent out all my sadness...feel better then went home sweating all over...haven been evercising much... so busy with all those school things and my own troubles...haven even start revising bstats...dun understand even a bit of it...haiz...nothing can be worse than this part of my life...feeling so hopeless..loneliness...unloved...misunderstood...backstabbed...regrets...helpless.... i just dunno why all this comes in at this part of my life...I wanna to face all these by myself...i wanna proof them wrong...i wont be that easily beaten by all those troubles coming after each one...I know that...cos all this while i have all those wonderful friends supporting me...thanks alot guys...I know i have to face it all...and only through all these..i will be mature...and that naive me will den grow...I wanna stand up from where i had fall and to bravely move on...guides camp is coming up this friday...i am sure to be there...my juniors i miss dem all...the newbies i am eager to meet...hope the camp can really get back my previous enthusiasm...i am looking forward to it...gttg liao..have to bath and help on the campfire thingy and prepare for tomorrow presentation...hope tomorrow will be a better day...blog another time...Juniors must jia you for the camp hor...

Ever since the last two weeks..she has been ignoring me...have i done something that make her irritated...i really dint noe...cos at that period of time...depression just suppress me down..i really dint mean to be doing the things that makes you angry...i know there is no excuse to all those...and i am really sorry to this friend...i really dunno how to express my feelings to her...all my apologies and sorries i wanna sae...i just cant express myself well...i so scared they may misinterpret leading to misunderstanding...i hope she could forgive me...i know forgiveness is never easy...but i really wanna say a million..a trillions..many zillions of sorries...i am so sorry...if you ever read my blog...can you forgive my sillyness? i know i must have made you very angry that you dont even wanna talk to me...haiz...i really treasure every friends i meet...i know it is hard to meet someone in life for it takes many lifetimes to meet every single person on earth...so i really dont wanna things to threaten our friendship...i am really sincere in solving it...Today...I just keep quiet...all the way...i thought about alot of things...during every blank period...really thought about preciousness of life and relationship among each other...just hope things will be going on fine....this year seems to be rather disasterous...only saddness, depression, disappointment, loneliness...i am feeling so lost...i just cant find my aim in life...as pheywen ask me what is my ambition...i initially thought of being a psychologist...but i cant even control my psychological feelings...how could i help others?? for now i am just taking walks and not knowing where to walk to...i feel that i am such a failure...that cheerful me is just gone in the wind when i do all these blogging...all this true feelings of mine seems to differ so much from the smiling me...i sumtimes think i had "Xin Ge Fen Lie"...

Today..seems not bad...saw the aloysious from PCK at the atrium( dunno what is his name)...he looks better than last time we saw him on bus...they say things about handling relationship upon studies...really very meaningful...but i din listen to all...cos i meet my friend to buy things from the bazaar...actually wana take student card but haven open..so i left..think only friday then i can take...just went to Shop N Save to buy things for tonight dinner...i had dine marketing since yesterday...oh my..i look so auntie...haha...last of all...really wanna apologise to her in person...but really dunno how to open to her...hope tomorrow i can do it...hope she wont feel irritated...i just somehow feel that she dislike me...but scared she will dislike me more when i apologise...HOW???hope tomorrow will be a better day...gotta go prepare for the presentation for ob....blog another time....

Today!

Today a better day...i am getting the cheerful mood in me...today quite tired after the tennis lesson...and i did something bad today...let wen quan go present by himself...i really feel bad...his friends even offer to help him take the paper and that makes me even worse...i really didnt mean not to offer my help...i know there is no excuse to my stupidity...i really feel apologetic...i did a bad thing today...really hope he will forgive me...really sorry....today went out with friends and after that go home...too tired....hmm...i am getting more cheerful...and i hope i can go on like that...i know it is tough for me...but i am sure i can do it...laughter can makes everything turn out good...that is what i believe...i know many changes are made and that i have to adapt to this new environment here...hmm...this part of my life is really so depressing....I had never been such depressed before...but all things have gone...i will just have to take it easy... for now focus on studies is important and nothing else....Let me stand up and fight for my future...no more sad things shall comes...only sweetness will be there...once again i need to thanks all those who have help me...all little effort or big big effort...they are all appreciated....and i am very thankful to all of you...just when i need you all...you all are there for me....thanks alot~!gttg liao..need to catch some sleep...abit tired....nitez...blog again nxt time...

Having do things at own will is one sided love....

Seeing only his good is admire...

Sacrifice everything for him is madly in love....

Having a rival is triangle love...

Having loss to the rival is out of love....

All this feelings i have tasted them...and it tastes just like tha loverfruit...so sour...so sweet...and so bitter....

Haiz...Today a real long day...study for the whole afternoon but nothing seems to get inside..the moment i enter the examination hall...my head becomes empty and i forgotten almost everything...really hope i can at least pass...but i doubt so....now is a big relief for me...finally the presentation was over....i think i did quite badly bar...but i think all my other classmates did really well...all their topics are interesting...but i stammer alot and seems not fluent...but i really put in my very best le....at that time of presentation...i just cant stop feeling nervous...anyway everything is over and i cant change the fact...today the test was really very difficult...maybe i didnt study much...all the questions really very tricky...aiyo...tink i have to really revise now...and i better start researching on stress management..if not last minute then i cant study for bstats...oh my...i dun even understand that whole chunk of it....by this week i better finish the research...hmm...this week seems alot better for me...i seems to be able to take things the way it is to be...and really sort out all those things...i know it is hard..just like the chinese word:"舍得" you really need to 'let it go' (舍)before you 'gain'(得) something...at this point of time...it makes me treasure every person i have by my side...and not taking things for granted...from now till forever...i will always treasure all my loved ones,friends,etc...for i dont want to regret...like what i am regretting now....but brooding over it wont do me any good..i am going to stand up and to try my best to fulfill what i promise her...for her...i will do my best...to make up for all those things i haven done for her....ok...i have to leave all those sad things behind and to continue life...my bubbly character is still in me...have been wearing white black or blue clothing for the past 2 weeks...now i know she is really gone...though the mourning shall stop...she will always live within my heart....hmm...tml still got S&W...and LMS...and it is entering weekend....i just love it!!heehee...i like weekends!! Gttg and do my research le....blog another time yar...important words to all my friends...really thank you...my gratitude for you all are undescrible...for those time you have stand by me...and help me through this tough time...and i am grateful to all....really thanks for the support....if not i would not be able to face things bravely....Thanks a million....

OCOM Freak~!!!!

Wa..today really abit tired..dunno why...and also very stress..tml got ocom presentation..i really hope i wun "Lian Lei" my group...I must really open up manz...today gonna gather all my courage i used to have...n have it all out at that critical moment...i really scared dey will laugh at me...oh my...i dun wanna blush in front of my class...never let them see that red red tomato on my face before....haha...later must really go practise man...yesterday my feelings really cannot control....and i really burst in tears...cos i really touch by all of you...i receive so much concern and care...but to tell you guys...i cried cos you all have touched me....deep inside my heart....you guys are really great...Thanks alot....i know i always hide my feelings in front of you guys...but you all visit my blog to know how's im feeling and even called me to take things easily...but really i dun mean to hide feelings...cos i scared i express my feelings wrongly...i am juz like a log...dunno how to express feelings out...haha..sounds like those guys....i only know how to write it all down...is this called autism( Zhi Bi Zhen)??i sometimes think that i really very "zhi Bi" leh...haiz....i need confidence...tml..i scared im going die in the ocom tutorial...i now really stress leh....sooo scared....do all those demo really very paiseh nei...wa...all the guys better dun laugh at me man...or else i will definitely keep to myself more lehz...i also have ego de mar...too straight forward i really cant take it lar...juz laugh at the humour part is alrite...but laugh at me...i feel hurt de wor....haha...i know they wun de lar...:P
opps...gotta go recite my script again...if not i will forget...kk..i blog tml to tell you how's tml presentation...wish me luck man....haha...

Home Alone

Haiz...today really very tired...have been doing project presentation for both project...kinda tired...i dunno why i juz hate presentation so much...i kinda scared strict and stern teachers...but i can do well with those encouraging teachers...i tink the pressure really make me nervous...and i have been hating pressure...hhmmm...haiz...when alone really feel so abandon...so friendless...so lonely...so left out...so unloved...i really hate this kind of feeling...i feel that i am just a nothing in peoples' eyes...and is just a tool to make use of...i know i am fragile and easily bullied...but i have really tried to always put a brave front...suppressing a my saddness....hiding all my unhappiness...standing up for my belief...having my own stand....but i am just too influential...i am easily moved by people...my biggest weakness that some of you all may not know is that i am a crybaby...i cry easily...when someone is crying..my tears will somehow naturally come down...and to hold myself i would always need to have a sweet as i believe the sweetness can melt all those bitterness in me...Naive right....and this has been with me for so long....such a big girl having such a mindset....so ridiculous...haiz...haven i mature?? when will i mature??? i wanna be like those adults...having clear thoughts of what they are doing..and never regret their choices made...I really wanna make more friends....to let mature and open up easily so that i can stand in this society and fight for a place...but will i ever get to fight at the battlefield?? i really cant picture myself in that situation...haiz...whats my future??i am so lost...i wanna find my way to light...who can enlight me...I need it!!God please lead me the way...and i'll follow....*yawnz* abit tired liao..going to sleep le..tml got to go church and do charity work....better catch some sleep....blog nxt time yar....

Wa...today have tennis lesson again...today is definitely not my day...have clash with tennis ball?? i kena hit by jason and clifford ball lor...pain lehz...especially that jason was really hard...now got bruise at the leg...sobsob..my mother is gonna rub it!!haiz...today i din did well for the play...i was like loss of words...i forget all my scripts...and i was so freak off and very nervous...come to think about all the others play...i seemed to be the role winnie was playing...that inferior girl with some special significant in her...and so kept to herself...i am that!! i scared of friendship for i scared betrayal when i really treasure the friendship we had...there was once...i had a really very good friend...i always bear with her by all those betrayal...until one day i came to the light...i knew she is just using me on projects, helping her doing stuffs...i really scared that all things will just reoccur...and thats why i am so slow to open up with people around me...but once i assure myself that they are not like her...i will get very close to them...hmm...like that of stacy, wen,ling,mei,hui,ah boi,fen, we are so close that we have not even quarrel with each other before...especially with stacy...our 7 yrs of friendship...how times really fly...but it seems that i am getting inferior because i dont quite open up with friends and bad at expressing myself...often i really scared that they may misunderstood me...and "sorry" is a word i often used...not becos i am so insincere about the word...but is the fearing that there may be misunderstanding...maybe you can see i am too self conscious or sensitive....but i just dont wanna people misunderstood me...cos i only mean friendly...think i have a real big problem with communication...tts why i always get border line marks for written and oral communication???But i really like to talk alot...it is just that sometimes i am so afraid that i may say things at the wrong time...haiz..i wanna change this character of me that develops in me slowly from that of Sec 2 till now.....i think it is getting worse...oh my...think i need counselling...wahaha...autism?? think so lehz...so zi bi...aniway...i gonna be brave...get over all my shyness...blush all i want and get all presentations done well once and for all...i hope i can do that...i really let down phey wen.deeyana.wenquan.sisi...i did badly on the play...really sorrie lehz...haiz...i am not prone to this..i just get nervous and forget all my lines...really sorry...i really feel apologetic...this week i must dare myself to everything to prepare for this week ocom presentation...i want to let them see that side of me...not that quiet.shy and good for nothing ger...hope i can do it...tell you on wednesday on the result...heehee...but ms thea say our ocom test did quite badly...haiz...oh no....kk lar...blog nxt time...aniwae i seem to write alot liao...oppz...gotta do cip and ocom presentation slides....jiayou all~