4 years ago...
It was like today...
Raining...
But unlike 4 years ago...
You were there to give me warmth...
Now Im left without your embrace...
If we were still together...
It would have been our 4th year...
On this day I went to eat the fav food we used to love eating...
Emotions and memories gushes as I walk pass the route we used to take...
I walked pass your flat...
Deepest down my heart I wished I would bump into you...
Those little fantasy which only dramas have it...
Tears, my eyes could no longer hold anymore...
It just flows endlessly...
Its gonna be a tough, emo & cold night...

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Have been really long since i last blogged...
Just woke up from a dream...
Dreamt that we are back together...
Its the third time since we break up that Im having this dream...
And its only this year that me dreaming of him gets often...
Heart pounding fast...
Perhaps dream and reality will never be the same...
I wished I wouldn't wake up from it...
Does it mean that Im still thinking about him?
A question that is worth thinking through as to what I really want..
Till then peeps!

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I had a dream...
Of you...
A very different you...
A matured you...
A dream I wished I could sleep on...
Dreaming all about you...
The heart was pounding really fast when I woke up...
Is there still love?
I knew things couldn't rewind...
Yet, still pinning hope that he will return...
Stubborn girl!!
Was down with gastric flu...
Pretty bad with rushings to washroom...
I wanna a healthy life!!
Balance life!
Weekend is ending soon!
Dear peeps aja aja fwighting for the upcoming week!
Till then!

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At NUH visiting my colleague...
As I pass by the emergency area...
I remembered accompany you and your mum for your back pain till 4 am...
Even went back work the next day...
I can still remember vividly how fearful I was...
So worried about you while waiting...
At that time...I know its love...
The love I had for you..
I never regret of us being together
Just regret that I didnt treasure you more than I should that make you let go my hand...
It was hurtful...
But I feel I deserve it for being such a difficult person...
Difficult to please...
Demanding...
Stubborn...
But you just let me go my way...
Consuming all my nonsensical demand..
But I wanna say...I Love You to bits!
The things you do for me I really appreciate...
Just hope you are getting on really well...
As I always say to you..  aja aja fwighting lubbie!
21 more days to 2 years of breakup.

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Had been pretty emotional...
Everything seemed so insecured...
Very insecured...
A job that I might lose anytime...
A status that is complicated...
A family I had to feed...
A life that is not I wanted...
Did the wound transform me into someone im not?
I begin to feel that Im not myself...
Feels like Im wearing a smily mask to face whats coming...
Even when I need a shoulder, I dare not ask for it...
Cos ego was on the way and im always on my brave front...
The barriers built up so tall around me...
That no one can ever come near...
Maybe Im scared of getting hurt by people that I rather get hurt by myself and all the decisions I made...
Why am I extremist emo kid!
Breakfree! Its friday!
Till then peeps!

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纪念爱情旅程4.
第一次, 我们拥抱的地方。
偶尔经过, 会特别感伤。

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想念你的心, 装满的你所有的表情。
我写的日记, 都是你我曾经的回忆。

Dedicate to you: 你好吗? - Jay Zhou

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Its mid week!
Have been rather busy with work...
Something big happened and was kinda traumatised by it...
Well, thats the unpredictable of life...
Had been having pretty bad gastric...
Guess I need someone to tame me!
Lol. Still abit stubborn and not eating properly...
Geez...
45 more days to 2nd year of break up...
Wonder if I can really take it...
Aja aja fwighting brig!!

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I hate that feeling when I'm trying my hardest not to cry in front of someone, yet as soon as they ask me ,"Are you okay?", I just lost it

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As I was browsing the photos...
I found this photo...
If time could stop at that moment...

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Thursday! 1 more day to Friday!
Hopefully no OT!
Feeling sick...
Hated migrain..
Hopefully I can tide it through today...
Work has been getting me busy...
But as days past, getting even emo...
Even the busy schedule you still occupies my mind..
Is that love?
The love that is always kept in the heart...
The love that will never be forgotten...
Had been feeling lazy...
Spending my weekend lazing at home...
Gotta spend this coming weekend to do something meaningful..
aja aja fwighting!

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My love still goes on...
Even if yours died so long...
You're the reason I'm holding on...
Tho I knew you were moving on...

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2 more months to 2 years of breakup...
Have been rather busy for the past few weeks...
Shall resume my 纪念爱情旅程 soon...
The next thing shall be writing to 933 音乐爱情日记.
I still remember I ever dedicate a song to him.
The song is 说好的幸福呢 - 周杰伦.
In my dedication I wrote "你就是我的幸福"
Shall start writing my story...
Stay tune to 933 音乐爱情日记!

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如果没有你...

如果没有你...

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Monday blues.
Getting abit emo today...
Brought lunchbox today...
Linguine for lunch!
Using that lunchbox we used to pack the food we cook for lunch...
Missing those days when we will cook together for our lunch...
Heating it up over lunch and enjoying the food we cook with many envious eyes...
Its no longer this way...
Gotta move forward!
Aja aja fwighting!

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Have been pretty busy since the last week...
More of work that occupies my mind!
Finally the PC show is over!
I got S3!!
New handphone!!
A way of rewarding myself for all these years of working hard...
Time to learn how to love myself more!
It was a splurge on IT stuff which I usually don't!
I got the excuse of being in a mobile phone company how can probably be using that miserably outdated phone!
Im so going to purchase those accessories from my company!
Gonna start exploring with it!!
Till then peeps!

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292nd day.
这个伤口，能很快就愈合吗?
留下狠狠的疤痕，就象是纪念品。
还是因为舍不得放手，才显得有多么狼狈?
也许让自己太放任，太执著了。

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纪念爱情旅程3 - 味多美炸鸡西餐 @ Blk 371。
那些年，我们爱吃的。
半只鸡套餐。

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纪念旅程2: 豆花 - Rochor Original Beancurd.
那些年，我们特地到那里吃过的豆花。

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588th day.
Getting very emo...
Every night, my dream is all about you...
Dreamt that we had the deepest kiss and we fall in love again...
Like a fairytale storyline..
Dreamt that we did silly things together...
Its Tuesday!
Gonna keep myself busy busy for the week!!
Aja aja fwighting all!

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Im 26 today!
Alone at home!
Ws looking at the photos we took on my 24th birthday!
Where you brought me to batam!
Had been 2 years I grew older without you...
Such a teary day...
Missing you...

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87 days more to 2 years of breakup.
3 more days to turning a year older...
Life had been filled with ups and down...
But thats life, never always smooth and thats make life challenging...
For the birthday resolution, I hope I can be even stronger!
Perhaps, I want to study MBA to keep myself busy...
Busy from all those 'think too much'..
TGIF!! Peeps! Enjoy the upcoming weekend!!

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88 more days.
Listening to: Kelly Clarkson - What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I hope I can be abit stronger...
Migrain day.
Didn't sleep well with lots of thoughts in the head...
Two voices coming into me...
One reminded me of all his sweetness and things he did for me...
The other reminded me why we ended up breaking up...
Confused mind!
I hope work can keep me busy from all these voices!
I wish for a firm decision...
A decision Im firm with..
A decision with no influence on whatever people commented...
A decision of what my heart says...

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582nd day after breakup.
I ponder why the emotions so strong...
In fact, all the while I hide myself from all those feelings...
Actually, Im the one that is still holding on...
During this period, what I said about him is all how nice he treated me...
Does it always occur that when you lost the things, you will always remembered whats good and regret the decision made??
Yesterday, I decided to go to eat the mee soto he used to bring me eat...
And unknowingly, I walked to his flat...
I looked up to his unit from the carpark...
Tears just flow...
Had an impulse to msg him...
But lack of that courage when I remembered him saying its inconvenient...
At times I thought if I want it back, I gotta make a brave move...
But it always struck me off with the words he said...
Well, I really wanna fight for it but just lack of the courage...

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纪念爱情旅程 1: Mee Soto @ Aliff, Bukit Gombak.
90 more days to 2 years of breakup..
那些年，我们一起吃过的。
我还到他家楼下，默默的怀念。
以为会很坚强的，却还是哭了。

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¡a!qqn7 'n 55!W I

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I had a dream last night..
Dreamt that we met at mrt..
He said he din lost the ring and gave it to me telling me to wait for him...
Suddenly it seems he mature alot...
He ask me to wait for his good news as he is going to select our flat...
And then he will propose...
When I woke up...
I wished everything is that of my dream...
I wore back to ring he gave...
Theres alot of sudden gushes of memory flashed back..
Now I realise its me that is still holding back...
And I thought I had put it behind, in fact I still love him...
If things can be rewind, I would try harder to maintain our relationship...
Even if you push me away...
IMY! <3

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Two hands are meant to be held, yet tightness of the grip maybe suffocating and the losing of the grip will let go the reason of holding on.

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Had been long since the last update...
Well, life as usual.
Bored. Emo.
Long journey to work.
But less OT!
Not really comfy for me...
As a workaholic me, to keep myself bz from thinking too much...
Had been thinking way too much...
Looking back to old days...
Reminiscing...
But life could never rewind...
I would rather I got memory lost..
At least I wont be so emo about the past...
But its the happy times that make me emo and regret why I didnt treasure...
Im sure I can move on!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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如果我们现在在一起会是怎样?

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Blogging time!!
Its gonna be a long weekend!!
Im so looking forward!!
Next week heading TW!!
Finally finish all those planning last weekend!!
Im so excited about the food im gonna eat and the activities planned!!
Photos and more photos!!
Its gonna be a good month!!!
Till then peeps!!
More updates soon!

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Another week starting!!
Its monday!!
Such a bluey day!!
Today will be a pretty busy day!
Didnt sleep well...
Hopefully its gonna be a better week ahead!
Update!
Last sat was Xin big day!
Really very happy for her..
Seeing her so blissfully married...
Must stay that blissful together forever ya!
Wopps! Suddenly I also got that impulse to get married...
Lol! Well, find the right one first ya..
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday.
Didnt sleep well last night.
Keep waking up...
Was bothered by something...
Well, Dad will be with no job from next week onwards...
And he seems to have no intention of getting a job...
Whats worst, he is spending money on unnecessary stuffs!
Sis is still finding job...
The youngest will be going U next year...
The family finance support lies with me...
Somehow I feel it heavy...
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!
*shoo shoo emo-ness*

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Its Tuesday!!
Few more days to my dearie big day!!
Am so excited!!
Yet my dieting plan keeps failing me!
Those tempting me!!
Shall exercise for the week!!
Well, some updates!
Last sat met up with DHL peeps!
It was a funfilled day!!
Makan, movie, massage & more makan!!
I really miss them alot!!
Next time we shall organise luk luk session!
But maybe skip the massage??
Its pretty pain!!
On Sunday met up with my sweet galfrewn to IT show..
Madness with the crowd!
Yet, it was an enjoyable day!
Seems like we have endless topic to talk about!
Alright, will update more again..
Its a long journey to work again...

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Its midweek!
Am looking forward to Saturday!!
Miss those DHL peeps!!
I miss working with these nice people!!
Yesterday a cab uncle say I work so far...
Temporary should be ok..
But permanent, unless you really love the job...
I ponder... with no answer...
The environment here is so much different...
Am I not adapting well??
Its a topic to think through...
Had thought abit yesterday...
Well, a hectic week ahead!
Hope I can pull it through!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!

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Its Saturday!
Am on duty today!
Was a real hectic day!

So many orders to release for the day!
Well, its means more money for the company!
Such a boring day...
Meeting galfrewns later for some chilling and gossip session!
So looking forward!
I love it when I am with them!
You can never imagine how many thoughts women had been thinking
And we just need someone to share with!
Whatever the emotions we had....
The confused mind when faced with many situations
Women are not that strong at times
Fear of making the wrong decision
Especially when it is the insecurity that is obstructing..
That is also my weakness..
Always feeling the insecurity
What makes it worst is I don't even say it out!
When I felt uncomfy with him being so close to girls...
I didn't mention much and take it with stride saying that I am ok...
I just don't always speak whats in the mind and what I felt...
Acting that I am fine with anything when actually I am not!
I am trying to learn to be more opened up towards my own feeling and thoughts..
Well, Aja Aja Fwighting Brig!

Thursday.
Im not sure what got into me to suddenly search for his news..
Yet I realised I was blocked in his list..
It hurts.
Really hurts.
Yet, I know its the pain that will numb me and eventually heal me from the wound..
Just like that of sprinkling salt at the wound.
Though it really hurts tremendously,
It heals the wound...
Sound like an extremist.
Well, today a very long day.
Chilling out with lovely peeps!
Just put emo aside and enjoy the dinner date!
Aja aja fwighting Brig!!

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Thursday!!
This week past very fast!!
A brand new month starts!
1 March my lovely sister and Mary's birthday!
Had been long since we last met!
Am so so looking forward to the dinner today!!
Keep all those emo-ness I had!!
Let this be a happy day!!
The positive of the mind shall set everything RIGHT!!
Learning to pamper myself more...
Meet more people...
Living life to its fullest!!
Aja aja fwighting!!

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Tuesday!!
3.5 more working days for me!!
Yawns...
Its gonna be another long day...
But at least Im occupied with work and the mind doesn't wander too much...
Gonna keep myself busy from negative thots...
Gonna love myself more!
But everything said easier than done.
Well, am trying hard!
Shall balance my life!
Work play and have fun!!
Isn't that should be the way!!
Had been catching up with frewns and I love it this way!
Cos they are my best love of my life!
Live life to the fullest!!

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Its monday!!
Am wearing blue to fight the monday blues!!
MRT keeps stopping!!
Am I going to be late!!
Gosh!!
Wads worst is I didnt bring brolly!!
This monday cant start any better than this!!!
Well, I hope its gonna be a good day!
Aja aja fwighting peeps!!

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Blogging Time~!
Yesterday went out to Mink with Stacy and her frewns..
It was filled with highness and fun!
The music was nice earlier when it suddenly changed to Trance!
The dance floor was small and cramped with people~!
I guess that is why guys love it!
Reached home at 4am!
Madness is I woke up at 8am!
Went back to sleep and woke up at 11am!
Head straight to church! ><
Its getting dread cos its SUNDAY and the next day its MONDAY!
This coming weekend will be on standby for work...
So its gonna be a 5.5 day work week for me!
As I was reading my past posts...
I realise how sharp I wrote on the every feeling I had...
Like what my teachers always said that my writings 一针见血.
Some may sound rather harsh..
And when I read it through it just hit straight into the heart!
That feeling just came back so promptly..
Well, I don't wanna be lost again...
Great that I have friends with me~
Love them all!! Especially when they even arranged matchmaking session!
Geez! How can I stop loving those besties I have!<3

Its Saturday!
Feeling so lazy!
Just back from the long due pre-employment checkup..
Camped over at ECP last night...
Had dinner at ECP, played card games and sleeping time...
This morning had breakfast with dad at MCD~!
Fattening!!!
Well, I guess I should start with my Just Dance on the Wii!!
Though sleepy..
Was invited by Stacy to join her for the party at Mink!
Another round of dancing!!
Guess after a week of stressful work..
Its time to let the hair down and dance through the night!
Though we just had dancing session last week with all those matchmaking stuffs!~
Wopps! I just said I'm on matchmaking session!!
Well, cos ppl are scared that I'm gonna left on the shelf!!!
Okie! I will try harder ya!
I won't take it as a matchmaking session..
Rather I find it as a session to know more friends!
People from a different world from mine...
Was nice knowing those guys...
Though the golden tortise was the main topic...
Quite an intelligent and cute guy from the conversation throughout...
Got good body trained!
Quite a good catch but can be quite stressful with his intelligence..
I believe Stacy would be able to match up with him on the debating session adding sparks!
Till then peeps! Gonna start dancing on my Wii to warm up for the night!~

?

Had been long since I last update my blog!! Alot of changes happened. A new job which Im not sure if I can adapt well. Daily travelling from west to east. Well, I hope things will get better. Like I always say... Aja Aja Fwighting!! After watching series of drama, begin to start pondering, did some soul searching... realise that some decisions made may be wrong.. yet nothing can be rewind.. so its the future that I do not want to repeat the same again. Heavy monday blues. Im lost once again!!

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